


Re/Match

by ricekrispyjoints



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Communication, Completed, Endgame, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, I'm sorry Kuroo, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Moving In Together, PDA, Schmoop, Sloppy Makeouts, but always a kuroo ship, collection of the exes, each chapter will be a different ship, hahah i wrote porn again, kuroo needs friends who aren't his exes tbh, last ch will be nicer, ships and characters to be added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-07-28 23:33:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 45,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7661521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ricekrispyjoints/pseuds/ricekrispyjoints
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kuroo seems to always be the stepping stone to other people's happy endings: he dates them, they fall out of love with him and into their soulmate's arms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Whirlwind

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello I'm a multi-shipper and this is what u get
> 
> thanks to cloudmonsta for the beta !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time, it happens by accident.

It starts, as all poor decisions in high school do, as a dare.

Kuroo and Bokuto are hanging out after club activities on a Saturday night, windows thrown open to the late summer air.

As a rule, games like Truth or Dare shouldn’t be played with only two people, but exceptions must be made between really, really bored people.

Kuroo and Bokuto are really, really bored.

“I’m out of other ideas,” Bokuto defends when Kuroo complains that the game isn’t meant for two. “If we play video games, we’ll just heat up the room even more, and it’s already disgusting in here.”

“My mom’ll yell at us if we play games too. It’s too late for us to get loud. Mom’s convinced the neighbors will call the cops on us or something.”

“The way you swear, they probably would. I’m actually a little surprised they haven’t already.”

“It’s because of my natural charm and wit,” Kuroo tries to say with a straight face, but ends up guffawing like an idiot anyway.

Bokuto laughs at the way Kuroo laughs, like he always does, and soon enough the two of them are in stitches laughing at each other.

“Boys! It’s after eleven! Quiet!” Kuroo’s mother yells at them. She’s probably louder than their laughter is, but Kuroo has made the mistake of bringing that up before.

They sober up, but not before Kuroo whispers quietly, “I’m surprised there was no comment about how I’m never this loud when Kenma’s over.”

“It’s because your friendship with me is special,” Bokuto whispers back, just a hint of laughter tinting his voice.

“We’re destined for greatness,” Kuroo says, smiling at his friend.

“Speaking of greatness, how about it? Truth or Dare?”

“ _Fine_ ,” Kuroo sighs, “we can play. But only a few rounds, ok?”

“So hurry up and pick one!”

“Alright, I pick Dare.”

“An excellent choice,” Bokuto says in a mock-serious tone.

“So what’cha got for me?” Kuroo prompts.

“Hang on, I’m thinking!”

“Geez, you wanted to play so badly but you don’t even have any dares thought up yet?”

“Shut up,” Bokuto grumbles, shoving at Kuroo’s shoulder. “Your dare is… Oh! I dare you to let me five star you.”

“Bro, come on. That’s not a dare, that’s an excuse for you to hit me.”

“I’ve never actually left a handprint though! I wanna try!”

“Ugh, fine,” Kuroo grumbles, lifting up his shirt. “Do it on my abs; there’s enough space for your hand and I can brace for it.”

Bokuto’s excitement about slapping Kuroo seems to have dissipated, because he’s just staring.

“Bro?” Kuroo asks.

“Kuroo, your abs are shredded.”

“Thanks, bro. I work, like, ridiculously hard on them.”

“Haha, _hard_. Get it? Because they’re probably really hard. Oh my gosh,” he gasps suddenly. “Can I touch them?”

“Well you were going to slap them,” Kuroo half-teases.

“How could I slap such a work of art?”

“Bro, they’re just muscles. Slap away.”

“No but can I like actually touch them first? I’m seriously so jealous. I mean” – he takes his shirt off to reveal his own fairly toned stomach – “mine don’t look anywhere _near_ as cut as yours.”

Kuroo considers. “Your abs are fine. They’re not like, chiseled, but they’re definitely tight and toned. Like, flex for a second.”

Bokuto tenses his stomach muscles as directed, and Kuroo pokes two fingers into the muscles of his stomach. “See? Nothing soft about those abs.”

Bokuto makes quick eye contact with Kuroo before smoothing his hand across Kuroo’s abs. Despite the heat of the room, it feels kind of nice to have the warmth of Bokuto’s hand on his skin.  

“Man, I can feel the ripples of your muscles. This is incredible, Kuroo.”

Kuroo bites back a comment about Bokuto being easily impressed, because he’s starting to find it pretty incredible, too, how good it feels to have Bokuto basically caressing his stomach. It’s kind of weird that it feels so nice. Should it feel so nice? Kuroo feels himself blushing and wills it to stop.

(It doesn’t.)

“Do all your muscles look this good?” Bokuto asks after a moment. “Take your shirt off.”

Kuroo does as instructed, though somewhere in the back of his mind, he thinks this is heading towards strange territory.

“Holy shit,” Bokuto breathes out, “your pecs look amazing, too. Do you bench press Kenma or something? Like literally _how_ , dude.”

“I just do a lot of conditioning stuff in addition to regular practice, and--” Kuroo gasps as Bokuto’s roaming hands travel from abs to pecs, brushing over his nipples.

 _Well, that’s new_.

“Sorry, should I stop?” Bokuto asks in a panic. He hasn’t moved his hands again, calloused palms resting lightly on Kuroo’s chest.

“N-no,” Kuroo manages. They’re so close and Bokuto is basically feeling up his chest and wow this is new but not at all unwanted. A thought occurs to Kuroo and before he can stop himself it comes pouring out of his mouth, too. “Can I kiss you?”

“You wanna kiss me?”

“Yeah, if you want to.” Kuroo’s mouth quirks up into a half smile and there’s a glint in his eye.

“Yeah, alright,” Bokuto says. He sounds fairly calm, but he’s blushing a lot and ducking his head a little bit.

Kuroo leans forward, and after a hitch of hesitation, Bokuto meets him in the middle.

Their lips meet and Kuroo’s stomach explodes into giddy butterflies and somersaults and the first drop of a roller coaster all at once.

Bokuto’s lips are pillowy soft, smooth like he uses lip balm, and perfect against Kuroo’s mouth. They waste no time in moving their mouths against each other, as if stopping their movements would end the experience.

Bokuto’s movements aren’t frantic, but they’re getting there, and despite being no more experienced than his friend (read: not at all), Kuroo decides to take the lead. He sucks a little harder on Bokuto’s lips, slowing their pace into long, luxurious draws instead of the shorter, rougher movements.

Bokuto seems to remember that his hands are still resting on Kuroo’s pecs, because he starts moving them up and down his chest and abs, almost reverently, palming at the muscles there. Not to be outdone, Kuroo moves his hands to Bokuto’s torso as well, wrapping his arms around Bokuto’s back.

Feeling muscles and thinking of their earlier conversation that started all of _this_ , Kuroo lets out an appreciative hum before pulling back just enough to be able to speak. “Your back feels amazing,” he tells Bokuto honestly.

“Spiking practice must be good for traps,” Bokuto says back giddily. He pauses for a half a second before lurching forward into Kuroo’s chest with his whole body, capturing Kuroo’s mouth again and toppling them over in the process.

Their teeth clack a little at the impact of Kuroo’s back on the floor, but a quick swipe of Kuroo’s tongue over Bokuto’s lips seems to erase the unpleasantness quickly enough.

The heat from their bodies adds to the already hot room, and Kuroo thinks he’s probably sweating. At least they took their shirts off, he thinks.

Where their skin touches— Bokuto’s hands on Kuroo’s hips, Kuroo’s hands on Bokuto’s back, Bokuto’s knees around Kuroo’s thighs—is like fire and Kuroo feels giddy with it. He’s never kissed anyone and he doesn’t think Bokuto has either, but this is probably the best kiss in the world.  

Bokuto takes them from slow and deep to a playful series of light kisses that start on mouths but begin to trail along cheeks and jaws, and Kuroo opens his eyes just to make it feel a little more real. He doesn’t take in much of his surroundings because soon his eyes are squeezing shut again with giggles as Bokuto nuzzles along his neck up behind his ear.

“Bo,” Kuroo smiles. He moves his hands from Bokuto’s back to catch his cheeks and steer his mouth back to his own.

Bokuto makes a little noise and they pull apart briefly. “Call me Koutarou,” he says wistfully, almost immediately diving back in to kiss Kuroo.

“Bro?” Kuroo asks, the syllable muffled by their kiss.

Bokuto pulls back enough that they can converse. “Isn’t that what people do? We’re making out; you should first name me. And then I can first name you, too… Tetsurou.”

“Hhhah?” Kuroo manages, a throaty, breathy noise that betrays how much he thinks he likes that. “I mean, uh, o-okay, Koutarou.”

A low rumble comes from Bokuto, and then he’s rocking his hips into Kuroo’s and leading Kuroo to lie on his side a bit. Bokuto nudges a knee between Kuroo’s thighs, and soon they’re lying down, face to face and pressed up against each other.

With the new angle, Kuroo decides there’s more things to try before they’re finished kissing. He opens his mouth gently, letting his tongue dart out and taste at the inside of Bokuto’s lower lip before he swaps his tongue for teeth and bites on the lip gently.

When Bokuto rumbles again—almost a growl, this time – Kuroo tugs on his lip with his teeth, slowly letting it slip out of his grip with a gentle scrape of teeth. When his lip springs free from Kuroo’s bite with a gentle pop, Kuroo dives back in to lave over Bokuto’s lip with his tongue. He didn’t really scratch him, he doesn’t think, but he feels like he needs to soothe the spot anyway. Kuroo sucks the lip back into his mouth, but this time he avoids his teeth, mouthing at the lip gently instead.  

It might be a little weird, but it feels almost instinctive and Bokuto is still making pleased little sounds, so Kuroo’s not going to question it.

Next it’s Bokuto’s turn to try something new, and he goes straight for Kuroo’s tongue this time. At first, he just touches his tongue to Kuroo’s, and it’s smooth and warm and nice. Kuroo remembers how encouraging Bokuto’s noises were, and so he lets out a few of his own, little breathy things that he hopes are communicating that he’s having a good time.

Bokuto gets more adventuresome now, and begins to slowly suck Kuroo’s tongue into his. It’s not just tongue on tongue action but actual sucking, and Kuroo is more than a little confused. Again, it’s not really a bad thing and it somehow feels instinctual, so he decides to let it slide. Bokuto gets more enthusiastic, sucking as much of Kuroo’s tongue as he can into his mouth, and finally he pulls back only when it’s getting hard to breathe otherwise.

They lie there, panting, just inches from each other’s faces. Despite it being far closer than they usually are from one another, it feels strangely far away now.

“Tetsurou,” Bokuto breathes after a moment.

Kuroo smiles reflexively. Maybe the first name thing is kind of nice, after all.

“Koutarou,” he replies.

“That was really nice.”

“It was,” Kuroo agrees.

“I’m still thinking about your muscles.”

“That’s okay,” Kuroo says, the tips of his ears turning pink. “I… I kind of want you to.”

“Really?”

“Um…”

“Tetsurou, I want to think about your hot, chiseled body all the time,” he teases breathily, a snarky grin filling his face.

The strangled whimper that escapes Kuroo’s throat maybe missed the memo on the teasing.

“Bro?” Bokuto asks, concerned.

“We should—no, never mind, it’s ridiculous,” Kuroo cuts himself off, looking away and pursing his lips.

“No, tell me,” Bokuto begs. “Please?”

“I was thinking that maybe we should—we could, I mean, maybe we could date.”

“Like, be boyfriends?”

“Yeah. If you wanted.”

“We could at least try it out,” Bokuto says after a moment, eyebrows raised and an earnest look in his eyes. “I’ve never really thought about it, but I really liked kissing you, and we’re basically best bros anyway.”

“’Basically’ best bros? We _are_ best bros.”

“My apologies, Best Bro-sama.”

“Finally giving me the recognition I deserve, I see,” Kuroo laughs.

“Plus, I really like calling you Tetsurou. It feels really nice. You know what, yeah. Let’s date. Let’s be boyfriends. What do you say?”

“I was the one who suggested it in the first place,” Kuroo says, but he’s blushing profusely and straining to look away from Bokuto.

“Alright, let’s do it, Boyfriend-kun.”

“Deal.”

 

The next day, Saturday, finds them in a similar situation: hanging out at Bokuto’s, playing video games, and sharing shy kisses.

“We went from zero to sixty yesterday, but today it’s like…” Kuroo trails off and hides his blushing face in his hands.

“I know!” Bokuto complains, but he’s smiling through his blush too. “It’s not like I’m embarrassed, but like. It’s strange! We’re dating! We’re kissing! You’re calling me Koutarou!”

“Trying,” Kuroo laughs.

“It’s easy,” Bokuto tells him, pulling Kuroo’s hands away from his face. He taps a finger to Kuroo’s nose, which somehow just makes Kuroo blush even harder. “Tetsurou.” He taps Kuroo’s nose on each syllable.

Bokuto throws his head back with laughter. “All I did was boop your nose!”

“ _And_ you called me my first name. It was really cute, okay?”

“It was cute so _you_ got embarrassed?” Bokuto teases, poking at Kuroo’s cheeks and chin. “I’ll have to do it more often then. Ooh, what about other nicknames? Like honey or baby or darling?”

“Stop it,” Kuroo whines, and licks Bokuto’s hand.

“Did you just lick me?”

“Yes?”

Bokuto brings their lips together for a sweet kiss. “You’re adorable, Tetsurou.”

“Shut up, Koutarou.”

“Make me, sweetheart.”

 

***

 

“You’re _what?”_ Kenma asks incredulously.

“Dating Bokuto,” Kuroo repeats, grinning. “Since Friday.”

“I for one am not surprised in the slightest,” Yaku says. “You two have always been weirdly close. This only makes sense.”

“Thank you, Yaku,” Kuroo says, clapping the libero on the shoulder. “Knew I’d be met with support from my teammates.”

“Damn, this means I owe Yamamoto 500 yen,” Lev whines.

“Betting on your captain’s love life?” Kuroo asks, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, but I bet on the wrong person,” Lev continues.

“Shut up and pay up!” Yamamoto crows.

“Wait, Lev, who’d you bet on?” Kuroo asks.

“Uh…” Lev sweats a bit. “Kenma?”

Kenma makes a face.

“Aww, you thought me and Kenma would date?” Kuroo hugs Kenma to his chest. Kenma flails slightly but then accepts his fate. “Don’t worry, Kitten, I’m sure you’ll still find love!”

“Get off of me and stop calling me embarrassing names,” Kenma growls.

“Sorry, Kenma,” Kuroo says, letting go with a playful ruffle to Kenma’s hair. Kenma smooths it back down with an eye roll.

Lev and Shibayama both shuffle forward to pay Yamamoto. “That’ll teach you to make bets with your senpai!”

“They’ll never bet again, and serves them right,” Yaku tuts. “Don’t bet on people’s personal lives; it’s weird.”

“Something doesn’t quite add up,” Kenma mutters in a low voice. Kuroo is probably the only one who hears over the squabbling first years.

“What’s that?” Kuroo asks.

“Nothing,” Kenma says quickly. “Or, I guess, nothing right now. I’ll tell you later.”

“Well that doesn’t sound ominous or anything,” Kuroo tries to laugh, but Kenma looks serious and he’s a little concerned.

 

When practice is over for the afternoon, Kuroo hangs back to help clean up.

“Kuro, your phone is ringing nonstop,” Kenma complains. “I can hear it from over here.”

“It’s on vibrate!” he defends.

“Yeah, and I can hear it buzzing. It’s probably Bokuto; no one else is that obnoxious.”

“How do you know it’s even _my_ phone,” Kuroo grouses, but goes to check it out anyway.

Sure enough, his phone shows six missed calls and a seventh is incoming, all from Bokuto. They’re almost cleaned up, and it seems like Bokuto is having some kind of freak out, so he only waffles for a second before picking up the call.

“Hello, Boyfriend!” he answers cheerily, hoping that his good mood will somehow transfer to Bokuto via phone and this won’t be a mess.

“Kuroo Tetsurou I know your practice got out like seven minutes ago why didn’t you pick up earlier?!”

“Whoa, relax. I was cleaning up today. What’s up, buttercup?”

“Akaashi is mad at me and I don’t know why and I’m really, really worried about it.”

“Can you give me like two minutes here? I’m gonna slam dunk these last two volleyballs and lock up, then I’m all yours, babe.”

“HA! Called it!” Yamamoto shrieks. “Pet names! PAY UP!”

“Tora, I need you to lower your volume by at least fifteen decibels,” Kenma deadpans.

“Sorry Kenma.”

Kuroo sprints for the last stray volleyball and grabs his bag and water bottle before heading out of the gym for a tiny bit more privacy.

“Sorry about that, Bo—er, Koutarou. So Akaashi is mad at you? How do you know?”

Calling Bokuto by his first name was still awkward. It had only been four days, and Kuroo was only used to first naming one person, and he’d known Kenma for most of his life.

“Well I told the team today about us because I was super excited, right?”

“Right, so did I, just like we talked about on Saturday. The team was placing bets on whether I’d date you or Kenma.”

“Tetsurou. Focus please. Angry Akaashi.”

“Yes, sorry. Go on. So you told the team…”

“Almost everyone was like ‘ok cool’ or like ‘we’re so happy for you’, but Akaashi…” he breaks off. _Is he crying?_ Kuroo wonders, mind suddenly in a panic. He waits to see if Bokuto will continue.

“Akaashi got all defensive and angry, it was so unlike him!” Bokuto finally manages.

“What did he say? Do I need to kick his ass?” Kuroo asks, physically bristling.

“He was like, ‘of fucking course you’re dating Kuroo. Naturally. Great. How about you go make yourself useful for once then and set up the nets for practice.’ He _never_ swears! And why did he have to be so mean about it? I never imagined he’d be like that, and I’m not holding up well, Tetsurou.”

“If you were here right now I would be hugging the shit out of you, Bro. I mean it. What Akaashi said was way out of line. If he’s got a problem with us dating then he can shove it where the sun don’t shine, because that is no way to talk to anyone and wow now I’m angry at Akaashi.”

“Why would he even… why would he…? It wasn’t even that you were a guy, I don’t think; like it wasn’t homophobia, he was angry that I was dating _you_!”

“Well that’s just weird. I thought Akaashi and I were cool!”

“I thought Akaashi and _me_ were cool!” Bokuto wails.

“Okay, okay, um… how about I come over and we have a nice little cuddle sesh to make up for how rotten Akaashi is being about this, and then this weekend, we’ll go on a date? Like a real actual date. To a restaurant or a movie or something. What do you say?”

“That sounds amazing. You’re sure you can come over tonight though? I know I have a shit ton of homework, and—“

“Boku— _Koutarou,_ if it’s for you, then I don’t mind. I’ll live with a little less sleep than normal. I’ll text my mom that it’s an emergency and maybe I can pick up some cup ramen on the way.”

“Don’t get cup ramen, I’ll have my mom make enough for you. You know she loves you.”

“Ah, your mom is the best. She keeps me well fed. Okay, give me like, half an hour? I’m on my way and you’re gonna get _such_ great snuggles, you won’t believe how good they are.”

“I bet I can believe it,” Bokuto says, trying to get some of his positive mood back.

“I’ll take that bet, and if I win, I get … a kiss?”

“And if _I_ win, I get a kiss,” Bokuto shoots back.

 “Deal.”

 

Forty-two minutes later, Kuroo is catching his breath outside Bokuto’s apartment. He rings the buzzer and the door is flung open just seconds later, followed by Bokuto flinging himself at Kuroo. They hug tightly, Bokuto’s arms around Kuroo’s shoulders and Kuroo’s around Bokuto’s waist.

Kuroo walks Bokuto back inside to the relative privacy of his apartment.

“Well, aren’t you going to introduce us?” Bokuto’s mother asks, drying her hands on a towel as she steps out of the kitchen.

“Mom, you already know him!”

Kuroo raises an eyebrow.

“Introduce him properly,” she scolds lightly.

“Ugh, fine. Kuroo Tetsurou, this is my mother. Mom, this is my boyfriend, Kuroo Tetsurou.”

“Nice to meet you, ma’am,” Kuroo says, pulling out his best manners.

“Tetsurou-kun, I have to say, I’m glad it’s you that finally caught Koutarou’s eye. I’ve been so worried about him never dating anyone, and heaven knows it must be difficult being gay in high school, so when he came out with all of this, it all made sense, you know?”

“Mom, enough talking. Tetsurou hasn’t eaten yet and _neither have I_ so can we make with the eating?”

Bokuto’s mother swipes out with the towel. “Such a rude child I’ve raised!” she says, but she’s smiling and both boys know she’s just kidding. “Teenage boys: all they can think about is food!”

“And volleyball!” Kuroo supplies.

“Ah yes, volleyball too, of course.”

They sit down to eat, a simple dinner of rice and fish with some steamed veggies on the side. Kuroo can tell Bokuto isn’t the least bit interested in the small talk his mother is trying to make, but Kuroo does his best to keep her occupied and content with conversation until they clear the dishes and finally shuffle off to Bokuto’s room.

Once the door is closed as far as they can get away with, Bokuto breathes a sigh of relief. “She’s nosy.”

“She’s your mom.”

“Still.”

“Snuggle time?”

“ _Please._ ”

Bokuto flops back onto his bed, throwing his arms wide open. Kuroo takes off his jacket before joining him, snaking one arm under Bokuto’s neck and around his shoulders. After some shuffling, Kuroo ends up on his back with Bokuto nuzzled into his chest, arms wrapped around Kuroo’s waist.

“Your mom wasn’t too upset about you coming over on a school night?” Bokuto asks after a minute.

“She said I have to come straight home the rest of the week and she’s gonna check my homework like I’m in grade school again,” Kuroo shrugs.

“Sorry to pull you into this mess,” Bokuto mumbles into Kuroo’s shirt.

“Hey, no need to apologize. I want to be here. I _offered_ to come over. This isn’t a mess, it’s taking care of you.”

“How do you always say the right thing?”

“Hah, that’s hilarious. I don’t; I just try my damnedest.”

“You do a great job.”

Kuroo hesitates a moment before dropping a kiss into Bokuto’s hair. It’s still spiked up, so he kind of gets poked in the face with gelled hair, but the little squirm of delight he gets is worth a spike of hair up his nose.

 

 After a half an hour of quiet murmuring, hair stroking, and any other affectionate gestures the two boys can think of, they decide to do at least _some_ of their homework.

They spread out their books on the floor, limbs sprawled but still touching. Kuroo works on Japanese history and Bokuto tries his hand at English. They actually do get some work done, being a bit subdued from the drama of everything going on earlier in the day.

At ten, Bokuto’s mother comes in to tell Kuroo that he should go home before it gets too late. They pack up quietly and promise to leave soon. She leaves the room, and the two boys sigh heavily.

“This has been… a good thing. This evening. I really needed it, man,” Bokuto says, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Of course, Koutarou. Anything to help out my main bro.”

Bokuto smiles. “Main bro _and_ main ho.”

“You’re not a ho, though,” Kuroo frowns.

“It was a joke,” Bokuto offers weakly. “You’re my bro and my boyfriend. You’re my brofriend?”

“Better,” Kuroo says, and he tugs at Bokuto’s arm to draw him in for a hug. They pull back to look at each other’s faces for a minute before they come together in a sweet kiss. Kuroo might be able to get used to this.

“We should do our date this weekend. Saturday? After practice?” Kuroo asks.

“Yeah, and I’ll come to you this time. Pick out something for us to do, but don’t tell me. I want it to be a surprise,” Bokuto says, kissing Kuroo lightly on the cheek.

“Okay,” Kuroo smiles. “Sleep well. I’ll text you tomorrow.”

“Get home safe, Tetsurou.”

With one more quiet kiss, the two separate and Kuroo heads out, thanking Bokuto’s mother once again for dinner and her hospitality.

 

The rest of the week is alright, thought Kuroo can tell that Bokuto is still having issues with Akaashi. Kuroo doesn’t know Akaashi all that well outside of volleyball; he’s a quiet kid who steers clear of Kuroo and Bokuto’s antics, for the most part.

That’s pretty much why his negative reaction doesn’t make any sense, though: if he were a louder, more boisterous kid, it might make sense for him to have a more verbal, obvious reaction. But for Akaashi, whom Kuroo has known only to be calm, cool, and collected, to suddenly give the cold shoulder so completely to his captain… there has to be something else going on there.

He knows it’s still bothering Bokuto, but there’s not much that he can do about it besides be a supportive boyfriend, so that’s what he tries to do.

He texts Bokuto good morning, they text during lunch, and then they chat on the phone a little bit after volleyball, either on their walks home (if Kenma doesn’t mind—he rarely does) or over skype calls during homework.

He sends snapchats of birds and stray cats and pretty flowers and nice clouds, and shares any and all relevant memes. It’s more or less what he had done as Bokuto’s friend, but now he uses more emoji. Must be the romantic in him.

By the time the weekend rolls around, Bokuto is tense but it seems like things are starting to simmer down at Fukurodani. Kuroo thinks their date will be the perfect distraction.

They’re going to see a movie, since it has maximum distraction factor. Kuroo hasn’t picked which movie, but there’s two showing around the same time that look good, so he’ll leave the choice to Bokuto.

By the time they meet up, it’s dinner time, so Kuroo offers to buy snacks. They get popcorn to share, two large sodas, and a box of candy each. It costs a small fortune, but it’s worth it for the look of sheer joy on Bokuto’s face as he decides which he wants to consume first.

During the previews, they make silly comments about upcoming films. Before the movie starts, Kuroo wants to make sure that their date feels like an actual date. The two of them have seen movies together plenty of times; how can he make it special now?

“Hey, Koutarou,” he whispers.

“Hm?”

“If you were a pirate, would you want your parrot to sit on _this_ shoulder _”—_ Kuroo puts his hand on Bokuto’s close shoulder– “or this one?” Kuroo shifts his hand from the close shoulder to the far shoulder, draping his arm comfortably around his boyfriend.

Bokuto’s laughter is like a contained explosion. He tries his best not to disturb others, but it’s leaking out of him, snorting and wheezing, hands covering his face and knees tucking into his chest to hold it all in.

When he’s recovered, Bokuto pats Kuroo’s leg to get his attention, even though he already has it.

“Bro, bro, I’ve got one, I’ve got one.” Kuroo removes his arm from Bokuto’s shoulders.

“Isn’t it amazing how a raindrop this small”—he holds his hands out in front of them, just centimeters apart from each other—“can make a rainbow this big?” Bokuto sweeps the hand on Kuroo’s side up and over them in a big arch, letting his arm come to a rest on Kuroo’s shoulder.

Kuroo laughs obnoxiously, thankful that the preview is for an action movie and is making a lot of noise to drown out how rude he’s being to the other moviegoers. “That was so _gay_ ,” he laughs.

“Good, it was kind of supposed to be,” Bokuto says honestly. 

The preview finishes and the lights dim, signaling the start of the real movie. They stay with their arms around each other the rest of the movie, alternating whose arm was around the other for comfort’s sake.

After the movie, which they agreed was good but not amazing, they decide some real food is in order. Kuroo picks out a ramen shop, and they take a seat near the back.

“I like dating you,” Bokuto says quietly.

“Me too,” Kuroo replies.

Their voices are hushed, but their grins are loud.

When Bokuto goes home that evening, he thinks it’s worth the stress of whatever’s wrong with Akaashi to be with Kuroo like this.

 

Three weeks into their relationship, Kenma asks Kuroo how things are going.

“Things are great!” he says honestly. “I mean, I wish Akaashi would get over _whatever_ his problem is, because it’s really straining Bokuto and they’re such good friends that I’m honestly shocked that he’s not more supportive. But between Bokuto and me? We’re doing really well.”

“It’s… not really my place to get involved, but things are going to work themselves out with Akaashi. He’s adjusting.”

“Adjusting to what, his friend being happy?” Kuroo bites, crossing his arms.

“It’s more complicated than that.”

“How?”

“It’s really not my place,” Kenma says carefully. “Look, just trust me. Akaashi is working on it, he’s apologized for his behavior; things will be better soon.”

Kuroo lets out a deep sigh. “I hope you’re right. I don’t like seeing him so torn up like this. He’s trying to put on a brave face for me, but I know things are strained still. Koutarou won’t even talk about volleyball practice some days.”

Kenma smirks. “Glad that stutter is finally gone, though it was funny to hear you call him ‘Bokutarou’. Is it really that hard to use given names with someone other than me?”

“I—yes. And it was Koutarou’s idea, but I kind of like it.”

“I should hope so; you’re dating him.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to first name him.”

“No, but it’s a nice touch. Most people do.”

“Says the guy who asks everyone to first name him.”

Kenma shoves Kuroo playfully. “Shut up.”

A comfortable silence falls over them, as it often does.

“So you’re sure you don’t think it’s weird that I’m dating Koutarou?” Kuroo asks eventually. He’s asked at least four times, and the answer is always the same tired ‘no, it’s not weird’.

Kenma’s silence sends a prickle of fear down Kuroo’s spine. “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“Look, don’t take this the wrong way,” Kenma says, voice even and calm, but he’s got his hands out in a peace-making gesture and Kuroo doesn’t trust it. “I wanted to bring this up earlier, but you’ve been… busy.”

“Bring what up? Is this about that ominous ‘I’ll tell you later’ thing that you never told me about?”

“Well, yes.”

“Alright, spit it out then.” Kuroo is defensive, but he’s already got one pesky setter doubting their relationship, and he really doesn’t need a second one.

“When you told us that you two were dating, I was really surprised.”

“Okay, and?”

“Patience, I’m getting there,” Kenma chastises. “I was really surprised, because you’re usually very open, and this was the first I was even hearing of your interest in dating Koutarou. From an outsider’s perspective, you two have always seemed close, but …”

“But …?” Kuroo prompted.

“I guess you just don’t really seem like you’re dating. You’re such bros that it’s hard to see you being romantic with each other. Which is of course not to say that you can’t be or that you aren’t, it was just… surprising. Others… agree with me.”

“By ‘others’ you mean Akaashi, don’t you.”

“Ah, well, Akaashi’s case is slightly different, but in essence…yeah. I guess what I’m trying to say is, are you sure about your feelings for Koutarou?”

“What? Yes, of course I am.”

“Okay, that’s all I wanted to know.”

“Why are you being so… nosy about this? It’s not like you to go prodding into other people’s feelings.”

“Call it concern.”

“Concern for who?”

“For my best friend who sometimes jumps into things without thinking and drags others along into his hair-brained schemes.”

“Are you calling my relationship with Koutarou hair-brained?” Kuroo stops walking and grabs Kenma’s arm to stop him from walking too.

“That’s not what I said,” Kenma says evenly, meeting Kuroo’s eyes.

“Sure sounded like it.” Kuroo searches Kenma’s gaze for something—a weakness, maybe.

“That wasn’t my intention; forgive me.”

“Alright,” he agrees after a moment.

They’re quiet the rest of the walk home.

Kuroo’s skype call with Bokuto is similarly quiet, neither much in the mood for talking, it seems.

Kuroo doesn’t mention what Kenma brought up, and Bokuto doesn’t talk about Akaashi or Fukurodani at all.

 

Another two weeks pass, and Kuroo’s phone is once again vibrating uncontrollably. This time, at least, he’s almost home, so he bids Kenma a good night and veers off to the park by their houses to take the call.

“Koutarou?”

“I don’t know what to do,” Bokuto says in a rush.

“What happened?” Kuroo asks, voice thick with confusion and concern.

“Akaashi…”

“What did he do _now_?” Kuroo asks through gritted teeth. 

“He… he confessed to me.”

“… _what?!”_

“Can I come over? I think I’d feel better talking about this face to face.”

“But… gah! I want to know everything. Yes, come over. I don’t know what I’ll tell my mom, but yes.”

“Okay, good, because I’m already on my way.”

Kuroo smiles. “You’re lucky I like you so much.”

“I like you so much too, Tetsurou.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“See you soon, Koutarou.”

When Bokuto texts him that he’s at the train station, Kuroo puts his plan into action.

“Hey mom, dad, my homework is done; I’m gonna go catch Pokémon with Kenma.”

“Home by ten thirty,” his dad tells him absently.

That’s only an hour, but it’ll have to do. He doesn’t like lying, but they won’t let Bokuto come over on a weeknight (“he lives too far!”) and Kuroo doesn’t want to be grounded this weekend.

He texts Kenma his cover story in case his mom asks the next time he’s over, and Kenma seems annoyed, but admits he’s already out catching Pokémon anyway, so it won’t be too much of a stretch.

Kuroo thanks him profusely before grabbing his bike and meeting up with Bokuto at the station.

“Hey,” Kuroo says when they find each other. He’s tempted to go in for a big bear hug, but there’s enough people around and he’s not sure how Bokuto would feel about it, so he refrains.

Bokuto has no such plans to refrain, and he throws himself into Kuroo’s chest.

Kuroo “oofs” at the impact, but wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders anyway.

“We’re going to the park,” he explains. “You know my mom’s weird weekday rule, didn’t want to risk getting grounded or something for the weekend.”

“Alright.”

When they get there, Kuroo leans his bike against a tree and they sit beneath it in the dirt.

“So,” Kuroo says with a sigh, “what the hell happened?”

“Akaashi told me he needed to speak with me privately,” Bokuto begins. “And I knew it would be about us, but he’s already apologized twice now and I had no clue what else he could have to say about it, but things have still been really tense between us, so I thought that if he wants to keep trying to clear the air, then that would be a good thing, right?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“So, we stay after practice so we’re alone, and he tells me, ‘I need you to know why seeing you date Kuroo-san has been so difficult for me,’ and I’m like ummmm okay? And he says ‘As I’ve said, it’s not because you’re dating a boy. it’s because you’re not dating me.’”

“Wait what?”

“Yeah! He just sprang it on me out of nowhere, all ‘I have feelings for you, Bokuto-san’ and I’m sitting there gaping like a fish out of water like _holy shit_ this is why he’s been acting like a mega douche? Because _he_ likes me?”

“What did you say?” Kuroo asks, curiosity and a weird kind of jealousy bubbling up in him.

“Oh, but wait, there’s more. Before I can respond, he goes, ‘I didn’t handle myself well at all when you announced that you were seeing Kuroo-san because I didn’t think there was anything between you two but ‘bromance,’ and so when you told us that you were dating… I couldn’t understand it. I was jealous of Kuroo-san. I’m sorry.’ Like, what?”

“Wow,” Kuroo says, for lack of another response. “This is … wild.”

“Tell me about it. So when I finally get my power of speech back—because believe me, I was shocked—I asked why he couldn’t have just told me this from the beginning. Like, why wait two apologies and six weeks into things? Why keep it all bottled up?

“And he said he wasn’t planning on telling me at all, because he wanted to be respectful of you, but he caught himself being pretty much the opposite of respectful, so he thought that clearing the air once and for all would be better.”

“Y’know, Kenma told me the same thing, about being surprised about us dating. He said others felt the same. He meant Akaashi.”

“We’re super tight bros, why wouldn’t we date?”

“I don’t know man,” Kuroo said. He feels like he needs to justify their relationship now, though, and not just to Bokuto. How many people were going to question their relationship? How many people were going to say they didn’t get it?

It doesn’t matter anyway, what other people think, Kuroo tells himself. What matters is that he and Bokuto are happy.

But what if Bokuto isn’t happy? What if he really does just see Kuroo as a ‘tight bro’, and that’s not what dating is? What if dating isn’t just friends who like to make out? What the hell _is_ dating?

Kuroo isn’t sure, but he doesn’t think that a semi-public crisis on a Wednesday night is really the way to go about figuring things out.

 “Hey, what matters is that we’re together, and that we’re happy,” Bokuto says, mirroring Kuroo’s thoughts. “I don’t know what to make of Akaashi’s confession, but it doesn’t change things here, okay? I’m with you. I’m happy with you. Let’s… let’s keep things that way, okay?”

“Okay,” Kuroo agrees, leaning his forehead against Bokuto’s for a moment.

When they part ways, they agree to meet up for another date that weekend, and they squeeze each other’s hands at the train station.

Kuroo bikes home faster than he’s ever had to, but he makes his curfew with a minute to spare.

 

That Friday, Kuroo and Bokuto have another date, but Bokuto doesn’t seem to be in the mood for a date. He picked a restaurant this time, but he’s not in a very talkative mood.

At least Kuroo is, so he’s easily able to fill the lulls in conversation with stories about Lev’s receiving nightmares or Kenma and Fukunaga’s latest pranks.

Kuroo pauses in his story to take a drink of his soda, but he doesn’t resume his telling.

“You okay, Koutarou?” he asks.

“Hmm? Yeah, just a little out of it I guess.”

“You’ve been quiet this week.”

“Yeah.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Kuroo asks, nudging Bokuto’s elbow.

“No, no, finish your story, it’s fine.”

“Were you even listening to my story?”

“Kai’s duck impersonation.”

“That was like twenty minutes ago, dude.”

“Shit,” Bokuto swears. “Sorry, man.”

“Do you wanna go home?” Kuroo asks. “You just don’t seem… into it today.”

“No, I wanna hang out with you, I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“That’s why I’m saying we should _talk_ about it.”

“Why do you have to be right?” Bokuto groans.

“Mm, because I’m adorable.”

“Haha, that must be it.”

“So what’s wrong? What can I do?”

“What makes a relationship a _relationship_?” Bokuto blurts.

“Because the people involved say it’s one?”

“That’s it? Like, isn’t there something _special_ about a relationship instead of just friendship?”

“First of all, there’s nothing ‘just’ about friendship,” Kuroo asserts. “It’s very important.”

“Okay, but—“

“And second, are you having doubts about us?” Kuroo asks. He’s doing a very good job of not sounding too hurt, but it’s written all over his face.

“I just want to be able to explain it, is all.”

“Explain what? Explain us?”

Bokuto doesn’t respond.

“We don’t have to explain us if we don’t want to.”

“… I want to, though. For myself as much as for anyone else. I need to know what makes us work, you know?”

“We’re really good friends to start with, so we had the basics already down,” Kuroo tries. “And then you add kissing, and…” he trails off with a shrug.

“Is that it? I mean, people talk about jitters and butterflies and studio Ghibli hair poofs… and we’re just friends with kissing?”

“Is that not enough?” Kuroo asks, his voice smaller than he’s ever heard it.

“I… I don’t know.”

They sit in silence for a moment while Bokuto gathers his thoughts into words.

“It’s like… Akaashi had such a strong reaction to us because of his feelings for me, and—“

“So this about Akaashi confessing? Do you… do you not want me anymore?”

“No, not exactly. I just… don’t know if I feel… if I feel. That. For you,” he finishes clumsily. “I really like kissing you, but would I have ever confessed to you? Would I ever have declared my feelings for you despite you being with someone else? I don’t … I don’t know. I don’t think I would. And I feel like garbage because of it.”

“Koutarou, don’t ever feel like garbage, please. I don’t ever want you to feel that way, especially about me. It’s… well, it’s not okay because I’ll be really sad if you want to break up, but I can take it. If that’s what you need. Like, if you don’t have those feelings for me, then you can’t force them, right?”

“But how do I know I don’t have those feelings? Like, what _are_ those feelings?”

Kuroo smiles sadly. “I think you just kind of know, Koutarou, and it sounds like you don’t have them.”

“This sucks, man. I really wanted to like you. It should’ve been so easy.” He wipes at his eyes to stop the tears from falling, but they trickle down his cheeks anyway.

Kuroo sniffs, on the verge of tears himself, but he won’t admit it if he can help it. “I think I’m gonna head back early,” he announces resolutely.

“Tetsurou, wait—“

“Bo, please. I just need to get home, okay?”

“I’ll walk you to the train.”

“I’m fine on my own.”

“Let me walk you to the train,” Bokuto insists.

“Fine,” Kuroo snaps.

The walk to the station is silent, tense, and awful. Kuroo hopes Bokuto regrets insisting on walking him back.

“Text me when you’re home safe, okay?” Bokuto asks.

“Sure.”

With a stiff wave, Kuroo boards the train, finds a seat, and immediately pulls out his phone.

 **To: Kenma**  
_I just got dumped. I’m coming over._

Kenma’s reply is just a frowny face, but Kuroo knows that Kenma is ready for him.

When he finally gets there, stiff from the train ride, Kenma opens the door, wordlessly hands him a game controller, and they play until there’s a nice distance between the hurt and the present.

“If you need to talk, you can,” Kenma tells him at a lull.

“You were right,” is all Kuroo can say before the tears start. “He said we were really just friends who made out. I wasn’t enough.”

“I’m sorry,” Kenma says. He opens his arms for Kuroo, and Kuroo topples into him immediately. Kenma strokes Kuroo’s hair and murmurs soft things that he can’t really hear.

Kuroo cries it out for a few minutes, then wipes his eyes and nose on his shirt and decides he’s done.

“I’m Samus next round,” he says, and that’s it. 

 

A week later, Bokuto accepts Akaashi’s confession.

Kuroo is happy for them, he really is, but it still stings.

 

Kuroo: 0  
Heartbreak: 1

 


	2. Steady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second time around, Kuroo hopes things will be easier. In some ways, he's right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been 97 years..... but hey this update is 11.5k so at least it's long? depression has been kicking my ass so writing has been slow.  
> enjoy~
> 
> [heads up this chapter is why the rating went up]

Between the Spring Tournament, graduation, and enrolling in college, the six months that pass after Kuroo’s breakup with Bokuto are jam-packed. He’s glad it happens that way, because it makes returning to best bros seamless. Kuroo doesn’t really have time to let things be weird. He doesn’t have time for much of anything.

Bokuto seemed to have plenty of time, though. Time to become sickeningly cute with Akaashi; time to plaster his relationship on every social media platform known to man and maybe a few that weren’t. (Didn’t Myspace die like eight years ago?) Kuroo honestly has no idea how Akaashi puts up with it, given how reserved he is.

Maybe Kuroo doesn’t know Akaashi that well after all.

Kuroo’s attending school in Tokyo, so he’s not far from Kenma, though not being neighbors anymore has been a big adjustment. Kuroo’s glad he’s got unlimited texting, or his parents would probably murder him for the phone bill.

Kuroo knows the team is in good hands with Kenma coming into his own as Yamamoto’s vice-captain, but he misses Nekoma. He’s playing on the university team, but as a first year he has to pay his dues first and doesn’t think he’ll see much game time once tournaments get underway.

There’s at least one familiar face on the team, though, and that is Karasuno’s reliable captain: Sawamura Daichi.

At first, they just stick to each other because they’re familiar. Sure, they were rivals in high school, but their dynamic shifts easily into camaraderie. Even after getting to know the rest of the team, Kuroo finds himself drawn to Daichi.

After practice, they have a routine forming: shower and change, hang at the library in one of the study rooms to work through calculus homework, grab dinner at the cafeteria, and then either video games in Kuroo’s room or movies in Daichi’s.

“Mine today?” Daichi asks, toweling off his hair.

“Tired of getting your ass kicked at Mario Kart?” Kuroo teases with a laugh.

“That implies that you win frequently enough to call it kicking my ass,” Daichi teases back with an impish grin. “But I’m mostly just wiped. I think I’m coming down with something, but I just want to _sleep_.”

“Do you want to get some rest then?” Kuroo asks.

“No, I still need to get calc done, and a movie sounds like a nice way to relax. Not sure video games really counts as relaxing, the way we play.”

“That’s fair. Alright, movie day it is.”

“But calc first,” Daichi says, squaring his shoulders.

“Of course,” Kuroo laughs, closing his locker. “Ever the hard worker, eh, Sawamura?”

“I told you to call me Daichi. Everyone else does,” he adds, shrugging his backpack onto his shoulder.

“I know, I know, I just have a thing about first names, I guess,” Kuroo says, looking away.

“You called your setter at Nekoma by his first name,” Daichi points out.

“Yeah, but that’s _Kenma_. I’ve known him since I was, like, nine.”

“Fine, fine. I’m still gonna give you a hard time about it every time you call me Sawamura, though.” Daichi knocks his shoulder into Kuroo’s, trying to break up the tension.

Kuroo shrugs his shoulders and rolls his neck like he’s trying to force his body into relaxing.

“Unless it really bothers you that much to call me Daichi?” Daichi asks tentatively, leaning forward to peek up at Kuroo’s face.

“Nah, it’s fine. I can take it,” Kuroo says, but it sounds like someone’s holding him at gunpoint.

“Hmm.”

They arrive at the library in a rare awkward silence. When they get to their usual study room, Kuroo breaks out the books and throws himself into the work.

Daichi follows suit, opening his textbook to the same page and they get to work on practice problems.

“If I never see a limit again, it’ll be too soon,” Daichi says after an hour.

“I hear it gets worse after this unit,” Kuroo groans.

Daichi groans at that too, resting his head on his textbook.

“At least the book is big enough that it doubles as a pillow,” he mumbles into page 87.

Kuroo turns to page 88. “Only four more problems in this section, and then I’m calling it quits.”

Daichi sits up, cheek sticking to the page briefly. “That works for me.”

Kuroo smiles fondly at his friend, feeling a warmth in his stomach when Daichi smiles back at him.

He’s noticed that warmth a lot more lately, and he takes it as a good sign of their friendship.

Twenty minutes later, they pack up their books and head to the dining hall for a quick dinner.

“Eugh, meatballs,” Kuroo complains when he peers around the check-in station. He loved that they had an all-you-can-eat style cafeteria. Swipe in and _feast_ —as long as the food was any good.

“Don’t like beef?” Daichi asks.

“You think that’s really beef?” Kuroo laughs.

“Eh, I bet it’s at least partly beef. It’s all meat; what does it matter as long as it tastes good?”

“Oh, Sawamura. So naïve,” Kuroo chuckles dryly. “Not all meat is equal, and there’s something seriously wrong with whatever they use in those meatballs. I’ll hit the salad bar.” 

Daichi goes through the pasta line while Kuroo grabs as many eggs as he can fit on his salad, and they meet up again at the dessert bar. Kuroo picks brownies, and Daichi goes for the pudding.

“I think it’s safe to say that the two of us have very different tastes in food,” Kuroo says, raising an eyebrow at the jiggling dessert on Daichi’s tray.

“I think you just need to learn to try new things,” Daichi says a bit smugly.

“No, see, the problem is I _have_ tried new things and they were awful, so I’m stickin’ to what I know,” Kuroo says confidently, nodding his head.

Daichi shakes his head. You’re ridiculous. Where do you want to sit?”

They pick a table and sit with their heaping piles of food. It’s a bit early for dinner, so the hall isn’t too crowded or noisy. Conversation is easy to carry, and though it remains casual—math homework, volleyball, what movie they’ll watch—Kuroo has that nice warm feeling again. Hanging out with Daichi is good, he thinks. He’s glad they’ve gotten so close as friends.

Right.

Why did that not seem like the whole truth?

When Kuroo has all but licked his salad bowl clean, it’s time for the dessert, and Daichi isn’t done with his defense of pudding.

“Try some.”

“Um, no thanks.”

“Come on, just a little taste.” Daichi spoons some of the tan-colored, gelatinous blob onto his spoon and holds it up for Kuroo. “If you hate it, I’ll never ask you to try a new food again.”

Kuroo narrows his eyes.

“And I get to tell you exactly how disgusting I think it is?”

“Sure.”

“Fine,” Kuroo grudgingly agrees, and opens his mouth slightly.

Daichi guides the spoon into his mouth and the flavor hits Kuroo’s tongue.

His first thought is, _huh. Not really that bad._

His second thought is, _I cannot let Daichi know that I like this._

He makes a thinking face, pretending to consider the dessert. Daichi searches his expression for his reaction.

“Is this butterscotch?” He asks eventually.

“Yes,” Daichi answers cautiously.

“The texture is weird,” Kuroo adds.

“Bad weird or good weird?”

“Just… weird.”

“Have you never had pudding before?”

“Maybe once or twice, when I was little.”

“So, was it totally disgusting?”

Kuroo runs his tongue around his mouth, getting the last bits of flavor from his bite. “Not… totally.”

“What did I tell you about trying new things?” Daichi smirks.

Kuroo tears off a piece of his brownie and drops it on Daichi’s plate. “Give me another bite and let us never speak of this again.”

Daichi laughs, and it’s deep and rich and musical. Kuroo laughs too, but more reserved. He watches Daichi’s eyes crinkle and his cheeks turn a slight shade of pink.

Desserts finished, they return their trays and head out, walking in step to Daichi’s dorm.

The familiar ease of the routine is calming to Kuroo. Not that he was anxious or wound up to begin with, but he finds comfort in the memorized movements of taking off his shoes, crawling into the corner of Daichi’s bed, and getting settled in for movies.

Daichi pops in the disc to his DVD player—Final Destination, the original—and settles in next to Kuroo.

The warmth Kuroo felt earlier now has a physical form; Daichi’s arm touches Kuroo’s and their legs brush, too. It’s only a twin mattress, after all, and there’s no other comfortable way to watch movies in the small room.

They’re close enough that they don’t care.

The movie is supposed to be a suspenseful one, but they’ve both seen it before and it misses the mark a bit anyway, so they end up finding it more comical than scary.

About halfway through, Kuroo resituates his hips a little bit, trying to ease away the stiffness that’s been building in his lower back. He gets a whiff of Daichi’s shampoo, still fairly fresh after practice just a couple hours ago, and he sighs contentedly.

He also realizes that he kind of wants to run a hand through Daichi’s hair or something.

Well, that’s new.

Kuroo’s thoughts quickly become distracted from the movie. Could it be that he’s having _feelings_ about Daichi?

The warmth he’s felt—a soft kind of glowing feeling in his chest—and the impulse to be physically affectionate: were these romantic feelings?

He tries to think of what it felt like with Bokuto, and immediately he knows it’s different with Daichi. That’s not a bad thing, but this feels like a warm blanket on a chilly evening, while Bokuto had felt like lightning in a summer storm.

He knows he doesn’t want to do anything to upset the routine that he and Daichi have: he really likes their pattern, likes the closeness and ease and familiarity Daichi brings. He reminds him of high school, but he’s not Nekoma and he’s not Kenma, so it’s not like the cloying homesickness he gets from those thoughts. Daichi feels like something separate and good, and something that Kuroo needs in his life.

He won’t say anything. Not yet. Not until he’s more certain of what he’s feeling, and if it might be returned.

Kuroo is both eager to date again and terrified: he’s willing to take his time.

When the movie finishes, Daichi asks through a huge yawn if Kuroo wants to watch the next film in the series.

“It looks like you need some sleep,” Kuroo laughs. “You said you were tired earlier, anyway.”

“I don’t mind staying up a little longer; it’s kinda early to go to bed yet.”

“Eh, it’s college. Bedtimes are irrelevant. You wanna go to sleep at 9:30, go to sleep at 9:30.”

Daichi gets up to let Kuroo off the bed more easily. “Fine, I’ll be an old man and go to bed before 10.”

“No shame,” Kuroo grins, pulling on his shoes.

“G'night, Kuroo,” Daichi tells him as he opens the door.

“G'night, Daichi,” Kuroo replies. He tries not to draw attention to the fact that he finally used Daichi’s first name, but a surprised look filters across Daichi’s features anyway.

Kuroo speed-walks down the hall as though it will help him avoid the blush that spreads across his cheeks.

He texts Kenma on his way back to his dorm, asking if he’s free to chat tonight.

As he unlocks his door, Kenma’s reply flashes on his screen. He’s online on Skype, so Kuroo just has to boot up his laptop and hopefully find some advice from his friend.

He clicks on Kenma’s screenname, _applepi_ , and hits the call button.

Kenma picks up after a couple lazy rings, and his slightly pixelated face fills the screen.

“Hey, Kenma,” Kuroo says with a lopsided grin. No matter how he’s feeling that day, it always puts a smile on his face to see his childhood friend. There’s a familiarity to Kenma, a comfort of home and warmth that’s never been complicated.

“Hi Kuro. What’s up?” Kenma seems to be in a pleasant mood, given how alert his eyes look.

“I need some advice. Or help. Something,” Kuroo flails a bit.  

“Okay,” Kenma agrees easily. “Shoot, I guess.”

“So I think I have a crush on Sawamura,” Kuroo says as evenly as he can.

“Okay,” Kenma says, drawing out each syllable.

“But how do I know for sure? And what do I do about it if I do?”

“I want to help you but I have no idea why you’re coming to me for this,” Kenma replies. “I’m probably the worst person to solicit for relationship advice.”

“No, it’s fine. Maybe I just need to talk it out, yknow?”

“It’s worked before,” Kenma agrees.

 “So we’ve been hanging out a lot, right? Like, after volleyball we have this routine going where we’ll go study and get calc work done, then we either play video games or watch movies. Sometimes we’ll just hang out in the library and share memes and stuff.”

“That part sounds pretty normal for friends?” Kenma says when Kuroo stops talking.

“Yeah. I guess it’s not the things we do necessarily, more like, how I feel when we do them?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Like, I feel warm? And weirdly happy. Even if we’re not doing anything fun? I just want to smile. But mostly it’s feeling warm. In my chest.”

“That sure sounds like a thing.”

“Very helpful, Kenma,” Kuroo says, sticking his tongue out childishly.

“I’m here to help,” Kenma deadpans.

“So what do you think? I mean, is this a crush? Or has it just been a long time since I’ve made a close friend?”

“Why do you think I would know the answer to that?”

“Because you’re my friend and you’re smart,” Kuroo pouts.

Kenma sighs. “Look, the only person who can decide if it’s a crush or not is you. Nobody else is feeling what you’re feeling. If it _is_ a crush, would you do anything about it?”

Kuroo considers. Would he want to act on his feelings if that was what they were? He’s not exactly Mister Boyfriend-Material. Is Daichi even into guys? Would it ruin a perfectly good friendship?

“I don’t know,” he finally responds. “Maybe. If I thought there was a chance he’d reciprocate. But I also really like what we have now.”

“Then what does it matter if it’s a crush or not? If you like what you have, then don’t push it. If you end up realizing it’s a crush, things will develop on their own. Your friendship will shift on its own. Probably.”

“Always gotta ruin my hopes with your pragmatism, don’t you?”

“So you have hopes?” Kenma teases, eyebrows raised.

“No. Maybe. Yes. I guess.”

“So it _is_ a crush.”

“I don’t know!” Kuroo flails, burying his face in his forearms as he slumps onto his desk. “This is so confusing,” he complains, voice muffled.

“Why don’t you try asking someone with more experience with this?” Kenma says gently after a minute.

“Because isn’t it weird to ask your ex for relationship advice?”

“You and Koutarou aren’t your typical exes. You’re still very close friends, and to my knowledge, have both moved on happily from your short-lived relationship.”

“I just… I don’t know how helpful Bokuto’s gonna be.”

“Probably more helpful than me,” Kenma smiles gently. “Not that I set the bar particularly high.”

“You did a great job. You listened to me ramble about my emotions. That’s half the battle.”

“The battle of friendship?” Kenma asks skeptically.

“Yes,” Kuroo says emphatically. “Onward my noble steed!”       

“No.”

“Alright, fine. Anyway, you look tired, so I’ll let you get back to your homework so you can get some sleep, okay?”

“’M not that tired,” Kenma says.

Kuroo isn’t convinced.

“I’ll pretend I believe you. I have my early class tomorrow anyway, so I’m gonna get ready for bed and contemplate the universe.”

“Sounds good. And Kuro? I know I wasn’t super helpful, but if you need to talk, I’m here.”

“I know. Thanks, Kenma.”

They sign off, and Kuroo leans back in his chair, rubbing his eyes like it will make his problems clearer. When he opens his eyes and he’s still just as confused as before, he pulls out his phone and taps on Bokuto’s name, asking him if he’s free for a bro-to-bro feelings session.

He tosses his phone on his bed and walks to the closet to pull out a pair of sweats and a t-shirt that don’t smell too bad. As he’s shoving an elbow through the sleeve, his phone starts to ring. With an unceremonious flop, Kuroo situates himself on his bed and picks up the call that is indeed from Bokuto.

“Hey hey hey,” he says into the receiver.

“HEY HEY HEY,” Bokuto practically shouts back. “What’s up, my man?”

 “You got some time for little old me?” he asks playfully. He doesn’t want this to become a serious conversation; Bokuto’s best advice is given when he doesn’t know he’s giving it.

“Always, Bro! I should tell you, uh, Akaashi’s over. He’s studying, but I can go outside if this needs to be a totally private sesh.”

“No, uh, actually it might be helpful to have his input, too. See, I need some… uh… dating advice, I guess.”

“Ohoho? Hey Akaashi, Kuroo needs _dating_ advice! And he wants my help! Well, our help.”

A muffled reply comes from the background, presumably Akaashi telling Bokuto what he thinks of the situation.

Kuroo prays for a favorable response.

“He says he’ll interject if I say something stupid,” Bokuto says, and Kuroo can hear the pout in his voice. “Says he loves me then says things like that; relationships are a lot of work, Kuroo.”

“I’m sure they are.”

“So who’s the lucky guy? It’s a guy, right?”

“Yeah. And…” Why did Kuroo suddenly not want Bokuto to know who it was? Bokuto and Daichi had gotten along fine at the camps. But Kuroo really didn’t want any teasing, and he didn’t know how Bokuto would handle it. “It’s a guy from the volleyball team.”

“Nice! Although I can’t say I’m surprised. So what do you need help with?”

“I’m… I’m just not sure that it’s a crush. Like, what if this is just good friendship? It’s been a long time since I’ve made a _new_ friend who I’m this close with. What if I’m just getting it all jumbled up?”

“Describe the symptoms.”

“We hang out a lot: doing homework, watching movies, gaming, just chillin’. And when we do, I just kinda… feel warm. Like in my chest.”

“Hmm. Feel nervous or nauseous at all?”

“No, I feel really comfortable around him.”

“Then it’s probably just friendship, man. Oh, hang on, Akaashi wants to—What do you mean, I’m wrong? Wait, you don’t feel nauseous around me? Akaashi I thought you loved me!”

There’s some fumbling and an indignant squawk.

“Kuroo-san?” Akaashi’s voice rings through the phone.

“Hey, Akaashi.”

“Please ignore what Bokuto just told you. You don’t have to feel nervous or nauseous to feel attraction to someone. Everyone feels things differently.”

“How does it feel for you? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Like I’m home,” Akaashi says simply, and offers no further explanation.

After a brief pause, Kuroo forges ahead.

“So if everyone feels it differently, how does anyone know?”

“I’m not going to pretend I’m any grand expert, and neither is Bokuto, but compare it to your friendships that you _know_ are platonic. Do you feel this way with anyone else?”

“I… don’t think so?”

“Well, perhaps you should think about that a little.”

Then, away from the phone, Akaashi adds, “yes, you can talk to Kuroo-san again.”

There’s another fumble and Bokuto’s bubbly voice is back. “Akaashi got all quiet and serious on you.”

“Yeah, but it was good.”

“Sorry I was useless.”

“No, you weren’t. If Akaashi hadn’t interrupted you, I think I would have. When you said it was nothing, I wanted to say no, that you were wrong. I guess I know the answer to my question already.”

“Which is?”

“It’s a crush. I… have feelings for D—for him. Well, shit.”

“What’s wrong with having a crush?” Bokuto asks earnestly. “It’s nice, to be with someone you care about. You get hugs and kisses and affection and support.”

“Yeah, I just don’t know if he’s into guys, or if he feels the same, or, or anything! When it was us, we just sort of accidentally ended up together. This feels way scarier.”

“But that’s sort of the fun of it, that thrill.”

“What would you know about ‘that thrill’? Akaashi confessed to you.”

“Yeah, but it was still a rush! I didn’t get a bajillion confessions in high school like you did!”

“Oh shut up, I didn’t get that many confessions,” Kuroo grumbles.

“My point is, take your time, but don’t shy away from it. Do some lowkey snooping, drop some hints about not being straight, and see how it goes. You’re a total catch, Kuroo, and this dude would be lucky to have you, warm feelings and all.”

“Thanks, Bokuto. You’re the best.”

“I do what I can.”

“Oh shit, what time is it? I have that 8:30 lecture tomorrow morning.”

“Then you better get to bed! Stay strong, Bro. We love you. Akaashi made a face but he does. G'night!”

“G'night, Bo.”

Kuroo’s roommate won’t be back until later; he’s always off studying somewhere, or so he claims. So Kuroo surveys the room, packs his backpack for class in the morning, and flips off the light.

Kuroo has a crush on Sawamura Daichi.

What does he want to do about it?

 

Sleep doesn’t come right away, and Kuroo feels like warmed up roadkill in the morning when his alarm goes off.

“Ugh,” he groans.

He trudges to his morning lecture, fueled only by dining hall coffee and the knowledge that midterms are coming up soon.

After class, when he’s feeling the strong pull of his bed for a nap, he runs into Daichi.

“Hey, Kuroo!” he calls.

“Hey, Sa—Daichi,” Kuroo says, blushing slightly. “Sorry, that’s still weird.”

“No worries,” Daichi says, waving him off. “Headed to class?”

“Just got out of one, actually. Considering a nap before my next class at one.”

“Late night?”

“Not too bad. Phone call from Bokuto that… it got a little out of hand?” Kuroo laughs awkwardly. He doesn’t really want to have this conversation with Daichi just now.

“Out of hand? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Daichi makes an exaggerated winking face, though it seems more like Daichi just doesn’t know how to wink very well, since his whole face is scrunched up.

“Ha, no, uh, Bokuto and I dated in high school but we are definitely not together anymore. He’s with Akaashi, and they’re pretty much perfect together.” Kuroo purses his lips together in an attempted smile. He can’t help but still be a little bitter over how things went.

“Oh, so you’re single right now?” Daichi asks boldly, though his whole face is flushed pink.

Kuroo sputters. “Ha? I mean yeah, no, um, I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Good,” Daichi says with a firm nod. “I gotta… get to class. See you at practice!” he calls, and scuttles away.

Kuroo opens his mouth but for the life of him can’t figure out what just happened, so he closes it again. So much for napping: his brain is going to be aggressively replaying this conversation for the next four hours at least.

He picks up his charger from his dorm and heads to the library to kill time playing games on his phone. He’s nowhere near any of his high scores, but right now isn’t about his gaming prowess, it’s about _not thinking about Daichi_.

The next time he restarts the level, he dies before he even moves anywhere, too distracted by the way Daichi had said “Good,” that he wasn’t dating anyone.

Clearly, gaming wasn’t engaging enough to distract him.

He tries to study a little English, but he finds the same problem: he’s been staring at the same grammar exercise for five minutes, replaying that horrible wink again and again.

That was Daichi flirting, right? He asked if Kuroo was single, and said “good” that he was. That was flirty, wasn’t it?

Kuroo had planned on letting things play out a little longer; he definitely hadn’t expected Daichi to do anything so upfront.

The way Kuroo sees it, either Daichi is just much better at flirting and figuring things out than Kuroo is, or Kuroo is reading into Daichi’s comments way too much and they don’t mean anything at all.

Given Daichi’s blush, Kuroo is pretty sure it’s the former, but there’s only one way to find out.

This afternoon after volleyball practice, Kuroo is just going to ask Daichi what’s going on.

He’s still got time to kill, so he decides to draft out a little script of what he wants to say. It takes about twelve tries before he finds something he thinks he’d survive saying out loud to Daichi’s face.

First, he’ll bring up how Daichi asked if he was single. ‘I was surprised you asked, since I’m certain you would know if I was seeing anybody.’

Then, he’ll keep things light with an anecdote. ‘Speaking of seeing people, did you see that guy on the quad earlier? He was wearing a full Roy Mustang cosplay and lighting people’s cigarettes for them.’

Finally, they’d move on and pretend nothing ever happened.

Wait.

This isn’t going to work. He needs to just talk about it like a mature, reasonable person.

Ok, so first he brings up how Daichi asked if he was single, and then he’ll make a comment about how he and Daichi have really gotten close, and how much he appreciates that.

God, he really hopes Daichi is going to say something because being blunt and direct is totally not Kuroo’s thing.

He’s still mulling over conversation possibilities when he realizes he only has fourteen minutes til his next class and he still hasn't eaten lunch yet.

He runs to the dining hall and grabs whatever he can wrap in napkins and shove in his bag, and then he’s off to lecture.

He stuffs his face just outside the classroom doors and enters as nonchalantly as he can manage.

_Nailed it._

After lecture comes practice, and that of course means time with Daichi. They pair up for warm-ups and stretching like always, though Kuroo is more than a bit conscious about the ways that they make contact and how warm Daichi’s skin is, even through his practice clothes.

Kuroo is a little distracted, but the physical strain is good for him, he thinks. Gets his body moving, pulls him out of the constant swirl of Daichi-centered thoughts.

He goes through the motions of cool downs and a shower after practice, and Daichi catches his eye and heads toward Kuroo like always, to ask if he wants to play video games or watch a movie.

“Hey, so I thought we could do something different today.”

 _No, no, no,_ Kuroo thinks. He needs the routine, the normalcy.

“Oh? What’s that?”

“I was thinking we should skip calc review today and see a movie at the cinema. I’ve got a crazy craving for overpriced popcorn.”

“And off-brand twizzlers?” Kuroo asks.

“If you want,” Daichi laughs.

“Is there a particular movie you wanted to see?”

“Finding Dory is still playing at the discount theater,” he grins.

“Yeah, okay. I’m all for the discount theater.”

“Cool. Show starts in half an hour, so hurry up!”

 Kuroo finishes getting dressed and shakes his head so that his hair was comfortably messy. Tossing his towel in the bin, he joins Daichi by the door, and they head out.

The discount theater is fairly close to campus, and the walk is spent in casual chatter, reviewing practice, and talking about the upcoming practice match.

When they arrive at the little theater, wedged between a ramen shop and a ladies’ boutique, Daichi steps up to the window to order their tickets.

Kuroo pulls out his wallet, searching the board for the ticket price, but Daichi swats his hands. “I invited, I’m paying.”

“It’s really not that much money, and I’m happy to come along. What do I owe you?”

“Nothing, Kuroo, seriously. I’ve got it.”

“Fine, but I’m paying next time,” Kuroo cedes grudgingly, and puts his money away.

“You got it,” Daichi says with a broad smile.

Daichi also purchases their snacks: overpriced popcorn and off-brand Twizzlers.

“You know, I heard that Twizzlers never actually dissolve all the way in your stomach. Like, they’re made of weird chemical shit and our bodies can’t digest them completely,” Kuroo says as they take their seats.

It’s a small theater, so they opt for the back row smack in the middle. There’s no one else in the theater yet.

“That’s both interesting and disgusting,” Daichi says.

“I fucking love Twizzlers,” Kuroo laughs. “Turning my digestive system into a science experiment.”

Daichi shakes his head. “Why do I like you, again?”

“Because I’m a fucking delight.”

“Sure you are.”

As the lights dim and the movie starts, two girls find their seats, halfway up and to the side, and an elderly man enters the theater, shuffling toward the front.

The movie is good, and Kuroo is honestly pretty engrossed in it. He and Daichi whisper little comments back and forth to each other, just like they do when they watch a movie in the dorms, albeit a little quieter.

It’s not until the credits are rolling, and Daichi sits up straight, removing his weight from Kuroo’s shoulder and leaving a coolness in his absence, that Kuroo realizes this was maybe a date.

Kuroo purses his lips so he doesn’t say something silly or ridiculous or downright stupid, and he offers a wobbly smile to Daichi.

“Dinner?” he asks.

“I’d love to,” Daichi says, and Kuroo’s stomach swoops.

This feels like a date, not that Kuroo knows much about dating. But Daichi paid for their tickets, and now they’re getting together.

They decide to eat at the ramen shop next to the theater, since it’s right there and the prices look alright.

Daichi orders shoyu ramen, and Kuroo goes for pork.

“So,” Kuroo says while Daichi digs into his food. “Earlier today, when you asked if I was single…” he chuckles nervously. “I was kinda surprised?”

“Why’s that?”

“If I was seeing anybody, I feel like you would know. I mean, we’ve gotten really close, you know?”

This is almost how he had planned to say things, so Kuroo gives himself a mental pat on the back.

“Sometimes you just have to be certain, though,” Daichi says shyly. It’s unlike him to be shy, so Kuroo thinks he’s onto something. This is probably a date. _Sometimes you have to be certain,_ his mind echoes.

Kuroo slurps some of his noodles into his mouth, chewing carefully. “Daichi, I don’t want to… Well. I guess it’s my turn to be certain, but… Is this a date?”

“Hah, um, yes? If that’s okay.”

“Yeah, it’s okay. It’s very okay,” Kuroo says, blushing. He busies himself with another mouthful of food.

They’re both obstinately looking anywhere but at each other now, staring intently into their bowls.

After a minute or so, Daichi just starts to laugh.

“Eh?” Kuroo says, a small noise escaping him and he forces himself to look up at Daichi, who is giggling into his ramen at this point.

“What are you doing?” Kuroo asks, and now he’s laughing too, at the absurdity of it all.

“We’re such awkward idiots,” Daichi laughs.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Kuroo says firmly, and he giggle slurps more ramen into his mouth.

 

The rest of their date goes well, and they walk back to the dorms hand in hand.

Through unspoken agreement, they end up at Kuroo’s dorm, and Daichi squeezes Kuroo’s hand.

“I had a good time,” Daichi tells him.

“Me too! Very much me too,” Kuroo says. “Daichi.”

“Hey, no stuttering this time,” Daichi laughs.

“I’m getting there.”

“So we should do this again. Soon?” Daichi adds, sounding a little nervous.

“Definitely. And _I_ pay next time, okay?”

“Only if you ask me out,” Daichi teases. “Whoever asks pays.”

“I can work with that.”

Daichi looks around the hall. They seem to have agreed to not enter Kuroo’s dorm room, but this leaves them awkwardly standing in the hallway waiting to say their goodbyes.

Daichi takes a deep breath, raises on his toes a little bit, and kisses Kuroo’s cheek.

Kuroo, stunned, gapes a little bit, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

Daichi puts a warm palm on Kuroo’s cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” Kuroo asks, still dazed.

“In class,” Daichi nods. He brushes a thumb along Kuroo’s cheekbone, and turns and walks away.

Kuroo leans back against his door and just smiles.

When he gathers his wits enough, he opens up his room, opens up his phone, and texts Bokuto: _I just had an amazing first date._

 

After their next volleyball practice, they’re back to their usual routine, though something has definitely shifted. They sit closer at the library, shoving playfully at each other’s shoulders; Daichi even hugs Kuroo at one point when he figures out a solution to the problem they’re working on.

They decide to play video games at Kuroo’s dorm, and they opt for Mario Kart. Usually, one of them sits on Kuroo’s bed and the other sits in his desk chair, but today they’ve both squeezed onto Kuroo’s bed, shoulders and thighs pressed up against each other.

The proximity makes Kuroo feel warm and full, like he’s just inhaled the scent of the most fragrant flowers, and he can’t help but smile.

Daichi blue shells him and he’s not even bothered by it.

“Hey,” Kuroo says when the race is over and the stats screen is up.

“Hmm?”

“I have an idea to give us more space on this tiny-ass little bed,” Kuroo says.

“I kinda like it. It’s cozy.”

“I promise my idea is just as cozy but twice as comfortable. Stand up for a sec.”

Daichi does as he’s asked, and Kuroo scoots to the center of the bed and spreads his legs out. “You sit here,” he says, pointing to the space between his legs, “and lean back against me.”

Daichi smiles shyly, but climbs on the bed and settles into the space made for him.

When Daichi leans back, Kuroo swears the planets align. He bites the inside of his cheek so he doesn’t start grinning like an idiot, not that Daichi can see, but it feels like somehow he’ll know anyway.

 It’s a little awkward to get to his controller, but he finds a position that works that Daichi doesn’t seem to mind either, and they play a couple more rounds.

 

Their next movie night progresses in a similar way. Everything starts out normal: calc in the library, dining hall dinner, and back to Daichi’s dorm. What changes is the way they nestle together on Daichi’s bed to watch _The Phantom Menace_ (“the prequels are an underappreciated gift, okay?” Kuroo says indignantly).

Kuroo pops the disc in and returns to Daichi in the bed, nuzzling under his arm so that Daichi wraps it around his shoulders. He settles his cheek into the side of Daichi’s broad chest, and as the text crawl begins to announce the film, Kuroo sighs contentedly.

They cuddle into each other further as the movie progresses: legs tangle together, fingers interlock.

Kuroo wants… he wants exactly this, but he also wants _more_.

He wants kissing and makeouts and maybe something past that; this is college, after all. The freedom to do whatever you want is implied in the university experience—according to Kuroo’s understanding, at least.

He’s not sure how to get to that _more_ with Daichi, though. One thing he thinks he did poorly with Bokuto was that they just jumped in blindly. With Daichi, it’s been slower, sweeter, almost. Definitely more deliberate and less ‘accidental’ feeling.

Kuroo thinks that’s a very good thing, but he misses the spontaneity of his first relationship.

As the scene rolls into action instead of dialogue, Kuroo decides to do something about it.

He stretches up and plants a gentle, chaste kiss on Daichi’s collarbone.

“Hi,” Daichi says with a smile. He drops a kiss in Kuroo’s hair.

“How dare you!” Kuroo mocks. “Now I have to kiss you again.”

“You kissed me first! I was just getting even,” Daichi laughs.

“Yeah, but I always have to win, so I have to be a kiss ahead of you. C’mere,” he says, pulling Daichi’s face toward his own. They meet in a sweet kiss.

“Doesn’t that count as a kiss for both of us?” Daichi asks, one eyebrow arched.

“Damn, you’re right,” Kuroo says, his grin breaking across his face. He turns Daichi’s jaw to the side and kisses the underside of it with a slow, deliberate motion. He makes sure to suck _just_ a little bit.

“There, now I’m winning again,” he teases.

“Not for long,” Daichi says, and a mischievous glint fills his eyes. He wriggles around so that he’s between Kuroo’s legs, arched back so he’s still face to face with Kuroo.

It’s a bit awkward, so Kuroo slides down to lay on his back, and Daichi is now laying on top of him, legs mixed with Kuroo’s own.

“Mmm, much better,” Daichi says, and leans in to kiss Kuroo’s cheek.

Kuroo kisses the first bit of skin he can find, which happens to be Daichi’s chin.

They struggle back and forth a little bit, one kissing somewhere – nose, ear, throat, hand—and the other hurrying to kiss back – chin, forehead, wrist, shoulder.

Kuroo is lost in the sensation of Daichi’s scent and his skin, though he wishes there were more. Is it too early to take shirts off? Kuroo’s not sure, but he wants to get back to the kissing as soon as possible.

“Daichi,” he breathes out, a low purr in Daichi’s ear.

“Kuroo,” Daichi breathes back, and Kuroo can hear the smile on his lips.

“Kiss me?” he asks, hoping that Daichi infers that he means on the mouth.

Daichi gives a tiny nod, his vision flicking to Kuroo’s mouth before his eyes close and their lips are touching and Kuroo feels so _good_.

Daichi tastes like soy sauce and chicken from dinner, but Kuroo doesn’t care; he’s sure he tastes similar. Possibly worse, since he had the fish.

Instead, he shifts his focus to the soft but insistent push of Daichi’s lips against his own. Daichi seems a little hesitant, so Kuroo tries to assure him that this is the best thing they could possibly be doing.

His tongue teases at the seam between Daichi’s lips, not trying to push through, just announcing its presence. He runs his hands freely up and down Daichi’s back, feeling the delicious muscles there.

Their legs shift against each other, and their hips are lined up now. Kuroo hopes his dick behaves and doesn’t scare Daichi away.

Kuroo kisses deeply, like his lips depend on the contact with Daichi’s.  He works his jaw a little wider, opening the kiss up. Daichi follows a moment later, but his movements are slow and tense.

 _Shit_ , part of Kuroo realizes. He pulls back.

“You okay?” he asks Daichi.

“Y-yeah,” Daichi stutters, and he tries to go back in for another kiss.

Kuroo allows it, but pulls back again. “That wasn’t super convincing,” he says, bracing his hands on Daichi’s strong shoulders.

Daichi’s face is red as Kuroo searches it for an answer.

He purses his lips as he puts on his bravest face for Kuroo. “It’s… that was my... I’ve… I’ve never kissed anyone before!” he finally blurts.

 “But you want to kiss me?” Kuroo clarifies.

“ _Yes_ ,” Daichi replies emphatically.

“Okay. Then… let’s get back to that. I just… you seemed kinda tense, I got worried.”

“Thanks,” Daichi says earnestly, “for checking in with me. I’m trying to relax but this is a lot and it’s really nice but—“

Kuroo cuts him off with a kiss. “Deep breath.”

“How are you so calm about this? Oh gosh, you’ve probably kissed tons of people,” Daichi rambles again.

Kuroo cuts him off again. “Nope, only one other person. And I’m calm because I’m having fun. I like kissing. A lot. And I think you will, too, if you stop thinking so much.”

“Can we try again?” Daichi asks sheepishly.

“Of course,” Kuroo grins, and he pulls Daichi’s face to his to kiss him sweetly, if not as deeply as before.

Daichi presses back into him, digging his hands into Kuroo’s shoulders.

After a few more slow kisses, Kuroo decides to try deepening the kisses again. Fingers splayed across Daichi’s cheek, he dips his tongue to the seam of Daichi’s lips again.

This time, Daichi is tense, but he seems to accept the tongue, and tentatively opens his own mouth. Heat surges in the pit of Kuroo’s stomach, and he decides to roll them on their sides so he can disguise his boner for a little while longer, at least.

His tongue prods gently at Daichi’s mouth, small, delicate licks that he hopes are inviting and not overwhelming.

Daichi moves one hand to Kuroo’s waist, the other reaching to bury itself in Kuroo’s wild tangle of hair.

Kuroo copies the motion, cupping the back of Daichi’s head in his hand. He hears Daichi take a hard inhale, and decides to move his mouth to suck gentle kisses into Daichi’s neck, letting him take a breather.

“Oh,” Daichi breathes heavily when Kuroo sucks a little harder, pulling at the skin right under Daichi’s ear.

He pulls on Kuroo’s hair, and Kuroo lets out a little gasp as Daichi pulls their mouths back together.

He licks deep into Daichi, fucking his tongue into his mouth. He pulls back to peck a quick line of kisses across Daichi’s face.

By now, they’re both clawing at each other’s face, trying to get closer and closer to each other even though they’re already sharing the very air they’re breathing.

Kuroo breathes into Daichi’s mouth, hugging him tight around his shoulders. Daichi drags his hand down Kuroo’s side, sliding to a halt on his ass and grabbing it with tight fingers.

Kuroo pulls his head back, breathing hard, and looks at the ceiling to mutter a “holy shit.”

Now it’s Daichi’s turn to kiss along Kuroo’s neck. Despite his lack in experience, Daichi is a fantastic mimic, and he copies perfectly the motions Kuroo had done moments ago.

They kiss for long intervals, wet and deep and hot, and Kuroo is glad Daichi’s not on top of him anymore because he’s at _least_ half hard and he doesn’t want Daichi to think things needed to progress that fast. Kuroo’s a big kid; he can deal with being a little (a lot) turned on.

They only break apart when they realize it’s gone quiet: the movie is over, credits and all. They laugh together, and share a few more kisses.

They get up, straighten out their clothes, and with one final kiss—okay, it was more than one—Kuroo heads home for the night.

He knows exactly what he needs to do.

 

Kuroo waits about a week, just to be certain. It gives them a few extra days to get used to each other, and Kuroo buys Daichi coffee and a muffin, which he counts as a date, though it is a bit flimsy. He’s anxious and excited for his plan. He feels like even waiting a week is taking for _ever_ , because with Bokuto they had just jumped into things headlong.  

The plan is this: After practice, he’ll tell Daichi he can’t meet up for calc work, but he’ll be back for dinner and their hang out. Then, he’ll go to a florist—one he found on his phone, so he hopes it’s a nice place—and buy a huge bouquet of flowers.

Then, he’ll meet Daichi, and sweep him off his feet as he asks him to be his boyfriend.

After practice, Daichi is a little shocked that Kuroo is ditching their study session.

“Oh,” he mutters.

“I have something really important to take care of,” Kuroo says a bit sheepishly, his cheeks tinged pink. “But I’ll be back in time for dinner and our usual hangout. Promise.”

“Okay,” Daichi says, and he seems to accept the half-excuse.

“I’ll text you when I’m done, and we’ll meet up, okay?” Kuroo adds, just to make it clear that he still does want to see Daichi tonight.

“Sure,” Daichi agrees, and seems a bit less put out.

Kuroo gives him a warm smile, wishing he could lean forward and give him a quick kiss on the cheek, but he’s not really sure where they stand on that, so he lets it go this time. Add that to the ‘official boyfriend talk’ list of topics.

He dashes out of the locker room and heads to the bus that will take him to the florist’s.  

When he gets there, it’s a cozy little store front, and it’s positively brimming with flowers. He has no clue where to start.

And shit, didn’t flowers have meanings and things? He needed help; what if Daichi knew about flower meanings and he accidentally picked out ones that meant ‘eternal loathing’ or something? There had to be an employee in this garden of a store.

Making his way to the register, Kuroo finds two employees, both of whom seem to be busy pruning small plants with purple-blue flowers.

“Excuse me?” Kuroo asks hesitantly.

One employee looks up. “Yes?” she asks.

“I’d like to buy a bouquet for my… for someone I’d like to ask out. Do you have any suggestions?”

“I’d recommend tulips,” she says flatly. “’Declaration of love,’ I believe.”

“But not yellow ones,” the boy adds in. “Those are like, ‘hopeless love’. Keep things light,” he adds with a huff of a laugh.

“So… like red? Red tulips?”

“Or pink,” the boy agrees.

“And how much will this cost?” he asks as politely as he can.

They give him some figures, depending on how many flowers he wants.

“Okay, let’s do three pink and three red tulips please,” Kuroo decides.

Affection and passionate love: that’s gotta be a solid bouquet, right?

The girl prepares the flowers while Kuroo pays, and soon he’s walking out of the shop with his purchase in hand.

He texts Daichi to see where he’s at, and heads back to campus.

Apparently, Daichi hadn’t wanted to go to the library on his own, so he’s in his dorm doing calc problems. Kuroo tells him to wait there—better to do this without an audience, he figures, and the privacy of Daichi’s dorm room is certainly convenient.

A bus ride and a ten minute walk later finds Kuroo at Daichi’s dorm room, taking a deep breath and preparing himself mentally to knock.

He gets a weird look from someone in the hall: the guy eyes the bouquet in his hand and raises an eyebrow as he walks past Kuroo.

Kuroo rolls his shoulders and tries to relax, shaking off the bad vibes of a stranger.

Finally, he knocks a lot more confidently than he feels on the cheap wood of the door.

“It’s open,” Daichi calls, and Kuroo wraps his fingers around the handle and pushes the door open. He tucks the bouquet behind his back, to buy himself a little bit of time.

“Hey,” he offers, letting the door close softly behind him.

Daichi is seated at his desk, notebook and textbook out, working through some practice problem.

“Hey,” Daichi returns, smiling gently. “What have you got there?” He gestures to the arm Kuroo has awkwardly tucked behind himself.

“I, uh, got you something.”

Daichi closes his calc book on his notebook, turning fully toward Kuroo now.

“You did?” he asks, and a faint blush rises on his cheeks. “My birthday’s not till New Year, you know.”

“It’s… it’s something else. Different. Um.”

Daichi purses his lips, trying not to smile too much at Kuroo’s struggle.

With a deep breath, Kuroo takes the bouquet out from behind his back.

“I got you flowers,” he says, though that much is obvious.

“Oh, Kuroo, they’re beautiful,” Daichi says through a sigh.

“They’re tulips,” Kuroo continues. “P-pink means… affection. And red…” he trails off. _Fuck,_ this is harder than it should be. “Red means passionate love.”

Kuroo is as red as the tulips are.

Daichi’s jaw drops.

“Will you be my boyfriend?” Kuroo croaks.

“Oh my gosh,” Daichi says, and now it’s his turn to blush. “Yes, I’d love to be your boyfriend.”

Kuroo practically wheezes in relief, and he rushes forward to capture Daichi in an embrace, careful not to crush the flowers.

Daichi kisses his cheek, squeezing the hug in as tightly as he can with just one arm.

“Let me see if I can find something to put these in,” Daichi says after a moment. He rummages around under his bed until he finds what he’s looking for: a cup that looks suspiciously like the ones from the cafeteria.

“Would you believe me if I said I have this by accident?” Daichi laughs, arranging the tulips as best he can.

The cup is not quite large enough, but it’ll do for now, until he can find a larger container to store them in.

“Thank you for the flowers,” Daichi says, reaching up to kiss Kuroo on the lips, firm and insistent.

“Mmm,” Kuroo hums. “You’re welcome.”

They kiss a little more, stepping closer and closer. Daichi puts his hands in Kuroo’s back pockets, pulling him in.

They’re standing in the middle of the room, and Kuroo finds himself grasping for something. He needs something stable or he’s going to get so lost in kissing Daichi that he’ll topple over.

The closest thing is Daichi’s bed, and he’s a little concerned that it’s too forward, but he decides it’s better than falling over and ruining the mood. Besides, they had already made out lying on a bed, so he thinks it’s probably safe enough.

He pulls Daichi toward the bed, sitting down on it when the backs of his legs hit the edge of the mattress.

He slides back on the bed so that he’s sitting with his back to the wall and Daichi is climbing into his lap and this is going much better than he had envisioned.

He has to tilt his head back to accommodate Daichi’s new height from his lap, but he likes this a lot. Daichi is pressing himself up against Kuroo, knees to hips to chests to lips, and Kuroo _really_ likes this. He moves his hands all over Daichi’s back, rubbing in gentle circles.

Daichi tries to move closer, somehow, and it ends up being a sort of rutting motion into Kuroo’s hips and he stills immediately.

Daichi makes a little moaning noise.

 _Oh no,_ Kuroo thinks, _this is too much._

Kuroo brings his hands down to Daichi’s hips, trying to hold them steady, because Daichi apparently doesn’t realize that he’s basically dry humping Kuroo and weren’t they going to go to dinner?

The worst part is that Kuroo doesn’t know how much of this is intentional and how much is just that horrible, wonderful instinct to thrust your hips against someone, looking for friction.

Kuroo swallows thickly and finally pulls himself back. Daichi keeps kissing his jaw, his ear, his neck, whatever he can reach, it seems.

“Daichi,” Kuroo says, breathing heavily. “We should, hah, we should talk.”

“About what?” Daichi asks, still mouthing along Kuroo’s skin.

“About how far we’re going?” Kuroo manages. He puts his hand up to Daichi’s cheek, guiding his face up from Kuroo’s throat to seeing level with Kuroo.

“You had your first kiss literally a week ago. I just want to make sure we’re not going too fast, okay?”

“We’re just kissing though,” Daichi defends.

“Yeah, and you were grinding on me, which, don’t get me wrong, was great? But I don’t want to rush things. We have all the time in the world.”

“I guess,” Daichi says with a shrug.

“What do you mean ‘I guess’?” Kuroo asks, confused.

“I mean, sure, we have time, but why do we have to wait?”

“Seriously?” Kuroo asks.

“I’m not some swooning virgin. Okay, I’m a virgin, but I can handle myself. Who cares how much time we take?”

“As long as we’re both comfortable, I guess we can go as fast as we want?”

“That sounds good to me,” Daichi says.  

“But right now, I’m really hungry, so we should go get dinner.”

“So the saying is true: the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

“I think that implies that you’re going to cook dinner for me,” Kuroo laughs.

“I’ll… yeah no, sorry, I’m not gonna cook dinner for you. C’mon, let’s hit the dining hall.”

 

Over the next month, Kuroo and Daichi carry on their usual routine: after practice, they shower and change, hang at the library in one of the study rooms to work through calculus homework, grab dinner at the cafeteria, and then either video games in Kuroo’s room or movies in Daichi’s, which often dissolves into makeouts, a little grinding, and once, a very rushed and embarrassed hand job.

For all their talk of ‘moving as fast as they want’, they decided to keep things slow after all.

Kuroo loves it, and he can definitely see things continuing on in this manner for a long time to come.

For their one month anniversary, Daichi wants to make a big deal about it: he takes Kuroo out to a nice restaurant, they go for a walk downtown, and they happen upon a small open-mic style concert, so they stop in for dessert and the music (Daichi jerks them both off and Kuroo thinks he could get used to this.)

For their two month anniversary, Kuroo wants to make a big deal about it: he takes Daichi to a museum and a fancy dinner. They’re both dressed nicely: not necessarily formal, but dark jeans; Kuroo is wearing a light sweater and Daichi is wearing a button down. (Kuroo gives Daichi head for the first time, and though he’s new to it, he gets Daichi off in record time.)

For their three month anniversary, Daichi wants to make a big deal about it: he gets them tickets to a professional volleyball game, and they eat cheap arena food and complain about how they would have played things if they were on the court. (When they get home, Daichi fingers Kuroo a little bit. They both get embarrassed.)

For their four month anniversary, it’s Daichi again who wants to make a big deal about it: he finds tickets to a comedy show at a dinner theater, like he has to out-do himself every month. Kuroo is appreciative of the effort, but he tells Daichi he’d be happy with their usual dinner and a movie date, too.

“Nonsense,” Daichi says seriously. “It’s our anniversary. It should be special.”

“And that’s where you come in,” Kuroo says. He’s pretty sure there’s a joke about coming in there, but Daichi doesn’t seem to be in the mood for crude jokes. He saves it for later.

After the show, when they finally make their way back to campus, they go to Daichi’s room, since his roommate is back home visiting family this weekend.

When Daichi unlocks his door, he drags Kuroo inside by the hand. Kuroo swipes at the light switch, but Daichi is quick to turn it back off again.

Soon, Daichi is pulling Kuroo over to the bed, pushing him down onto it, and he begins to unbutton his own shirt. Taking it as a hint, Kuroo pulls his sweater over his head, tossing it carelessly to the floor.

Daichi’s hands find their way across Kuroo’s chest, pushing at his undershirt until it’s rucked up under his armpits. With some maneuvering, they get Kuroo’s shirt up and over his head, and Daichi pulls off his undershirt, too.

Next, he makes quick work of Kuroo’s pants: belt, button, and zipper are all systematically undone with fierce precision. Kuroo is left in just his boxers, already tenting with anticipation of where Daichi’s hands might roam next.

The answer to that is straight down Kuroo’s boxers. Daichi is wasting no time today, it seems. Kuroo gasps at the suddenness of the contact, pawing at Daichi’s chest to ground him.

As Kuroo goes to touch Daichi’s nipples, Daichi swoops in to kiss Kuroo hot and fast.

They make out aggressively for several minutes, losing each other in the touch and taste of it all. When Kuroo’s hands start to undo Daichi’s pants, Daichi breaks their kiss and gets off the bed, to Kuroo’s complaining.

“Where are you going?” he whines, shivering as the heat of Daichi’s body is replaced with the chill of the dorm room.

“Need to get something,” Daichi says as he hop-stumbles out of his pants. He goes to his closet, fumbling around in the dark, and comes back to the bed with a small bottle of lube and a condom.

Kuroo raises his eyebrows in questioning. “Moving kind of fast tonight, aren’t we?”

“Is it too much? We can—“

“It’s fine,” Kuroo assures him quickly, pulling Daichi back on top of himself so they can kiss.

Daichi grinds down on Kuroo’s erection, and the sensation is warm and rewarding through just their boxers.

Daichi pulls at Kuroo’s boxers, and they shimmy them off of him somewhat awkwardly.

Daichi opens the lube and spreads some on his fingers, moving to Kuroo’s ass.

Kuroo’s not sure when they decided who was topping, but he’s fine to bottom. He’s been the leader of new experiences between the two of them, but Daichi is quick to follow once Kuroo’s broken the ice. Kuroo tries something, tells Daichi how great it is, then Daichi does it. It seems anal sex is just another item on that list.

When they think he’s ready, Daichi takes off his boxers, too, and after a couple of tries gets the condom on correctly.

The next think Kuroo knows, Daichi’s lining up and starts to enter Kuroo and _well now_ that’s a different kind of feeling.

It’s not bad, exactly, but it’s definitely on the weird scale, and Kuroo makes all sorts of little noises as his body adjusts to the feeling of Daichi’s dick inside him.

After a few minutes, it starts to feel better, even good, and by the time Daichi is fully inside him, he just wants to get fucked.

Their rhythm is awful—they can’t figure out who’s doing the thrusting and so both of them try to move at once and it’s just not quite right—but eventually they figure it out and damn, Kuroo could get used to this, too.

Sooner than he’d like, Daichi is coming, and when he pulls out, Kuroo wishes he didn’t have to. He kind of liked the full feeling.

Daichi gets him off with his hand, and it doesn’t take much.

“I love you,” Daichi whispers.

And Kuroo’s very immediate, horrible reaction to his boyfriend saying ‘I love you’?

“Oh.”

“I—you don’t… You don’t have to say it back,” Daichi says, voice small. “I just… wanted to tell you.”

“Sorry, you just caught me off-guard. Brain’s not back online yet,” he tries, and indeed he’s still breathing heavily from having sex a moment ago.

 _Holy shit,_ Kuroo thinks. _We just had sex, Daichi loves me, and I’m fucking terrified._

They clean up and fall asleep, but Kuroo can’t quite get it out of his head: that gentle ‘I love you’. Why did he say it? What was wrong with the way things were?

Daichi was always trying something new… and this time, Kuroo’s not sure it was a good thing.

 

Over the next week, neither of them mention Daichi’s confession, but something has definitely changed. Daichi is more demonstrative than usual, for one. Normally, they’re fairly reserved in public, barely even holding hands just in case. Kuroo’s not sure if it’s modesty or fear of bigots, but either way, it’s been comfortable. Now though, Daichi has been nuzzling into Kuroo’s neck, kissing him on the cheek, putting his arm around his waist. Things that aren’t risqué, necessarily, but above and beyond their normal displays. It puts Kuroo on edge.

Another week rolls by, and Kuroo decides it’s time to have a talk about it.

“Hey, Daichi?” he asks while they’re studying in the library. They’re in a small study room, so Kuroo’s not concerned about eavesdroppers.

“Did you figure out the next problem yet? I’m stuck.”

“No, uh, I’m not really thinking about calculus right now,” Kuroo admits. “I wanted to ask you something, though.”

“Oh, okay. What’s up?”

“You’ve been more… affectionate, lately. In public, I mean. I was wondering…” he trails off, getting anxious. What if Daichi's upset that Kuroo doesn’t want to be so open?

“Is it too much?” Daichi asks, and he sounds more disappointed than Kuroo can handle.

“What was wrong with what we were doing before?” Kuroo tries.

“Nothing was _wrong_ with that, I just… I wanted to show you that I care about you even when we’re not just behind closed doors.”

“It’s kind of a lot, for me,” Kuroo manages, though his throat is closing up with the anxiety.

“Do you want to try easing into it more?” Daichi offers.

“I kind of want to just do what we were doing before. That was comfortable, for me.”

Daichi sighs. “I hear what you’re saying, but at the same time, don’t you want things to move forward?”

“Move forward how?” Kuroo asks, and his anxiety is shifting into something new, colder and more difficult.

“You know, getting more serious. As a couple,” Daichi says, as though that explains everything.

“Okay, but why does being a serious couple have to mean PDA?” Kuroo asks.

“It… For me, it’s a way of showing other people our commitment to each other.”

“What does anyone else matter?” Kuroo retorts. “I like you, you like me.”

“I love you, Kuroo.”

“Gah!” Kuroo exclaims, surprised by the calmness of Daichi’s delivery. “How can you just say it like that? It’s been like, four months. Don’t you think it’s a little early for that?”

“No, I don’t. Why do you?”

“Because… I don’t know! ‘I love you’ is for long term, ‘let’s get married’ kind of relationships. We’re just…”

“Just?” Daichi prompts, voice getting small.

“We’re just figuring things out, okay? It just seems like an awful lot, okay? I’m trying here, but I like what we had before… this.”

“Before _what_?” Daichi pushes.

“Before we had sex!” Kuroo blurts. It’s a little louder than he intended, but a quick look out the window says he’s safe from having disturbed anyone outside the study room.

“You regret it?”

“Only because of the way things are going now,” Kuroo says. “It’s not the fact that we had sex, but like, you told me you loved me and then started getting really touchy-feely in public, and I just think things are moving a little too fast.”

“It’s been four months and you’ll barely let me hold your hand in public! How is that moving fast?”

“Because it just is!” Kuroo defends.

“You’re not answering my question,” Daichi huffs. “Look, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but this is something I need in a relationship, okay? I need you to at least want to work toward it. I can slow it down. You can always tell me ‘stop.’ I just want this to be something you want, too.” “I don’t… I don’t know. I’ll think about it, okay? I promise.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

And with a silence so thick it nearly chokes them, they return to calculus problems.

 

Kuroo thinks about it. He really does.

And the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks that he is just way too easily embarrassed by affection in public.

It’s not a cutesy kind of embarrassment that’s more for show than anything. It’s not a flimsy kind of embarrassment that he can barrel through.

It’s a heart-gripping, why-is-everyone-staring kind of anxiety, and it makes him feel _awful_. He talks to Kenma about it, thinking that maybe this is what shyness feels like. Kenma says that he shouldn’t feel pressured to do anything he doesn’t want to, and suggests that Daichi needs to back off.

“PDA is stupid anyway,” Kenma had said.

 “PDA _is_ stupid,” Kuroo mutters under his breath. It’s been a week since their talk in the library, and Daichi wants to have date night again.

Kuroo honestly isn’t looking forward to it; things have been strained between him and Daichi lately. Fortunately, Daichi hasn’t said “I love you” again, but it’s still looming over Kuroo.

Why did things have to get complicated? He likes what they were doing before: studying, flirting over dinner, kissing during movies. Why push things from there?

The date is alright. They see a movie, and Daichi seems content to remove himself from Kuroo when the lights come back up.

 

Three weeks later, and things are still awkward. Half the time they’re together, Daichi is trying to be affectionate and then aborts the motion halfway through when he notices Kuroo tensing up. The other half of the time, things are like before, and that makes it all the more painful when Kuroo pushes Daichi away in public.

“Look,” Daichi says. They’re in the dining hall eating dinner, but it’s early enough that it’s not crowded. “I just don’t like feeling like I’m the only one who cares about this relationship.”

“What?” Kuroo asks, a little dumbfounded.

“Do you want to be with me?”

“Yes! I like being with you a lot, Daichi.”

“Then why does it feel like you’re constantly trying to get away from me?”

“I’m not! I told you, I’m really just not comfortable with PDA stuff.”

“You said you would work on it, though, and if anything you’re even more resistant to it than before.”

“I said I’d think about it,” Kuroo corrects. “And I did. I just don’t get why you’re so hung up on PDA being the defining factor of our relationship.”

“It’s not, it’s just… It’s an easy way to show people what we mean to each other.”

“Why do other people need to know?”

“Because!” Daichi exclaims. “Because I’m happy with you and I want other people to know that. I want my friends and our teammates to know that we’re together and happy and _you_ don’t seem to give a shit about it!”

Kuroo growls in frustration. “I feel like we’re talking in circles. I can’t do this right now,” Kuroo says, standing with his tray.

“Kuroo, please don’t leave right now.”

“Why not? You’re just gonna tell me the same thing over and over again!”

“No, I won’t. Please, sit down.”

Kuroo sits, letting his tray clatter to the table.

“I… I’m starting to think that we just… want… different things,” Daichi manages. He’s staring resolutely at his rice.

“No kidding,” Kuroo grumbles.

“Kuroo, I’m being serious.”

“I know you are, you always a—oh.”

Daichi is silent.

“Oh,” Kuroo says again, because he doesn’t know what else to say.

Daichi thinks they want very different things.

Daichi wants something that Kuroo isn’t willing to give.

Daichi is breaking up with him.

“Oh,” Kuroo says a final time.

“Kuroo…”

“No, I get it. It makes sense.” His voice is even, void of emotion because if he cracks, it’ll be too much to handle in the dining hall. Well, he certainly isn't hungry anymore.

 “This just… it isn’t fair to either of us,” Daichi says. “I don’t see either of us… giving in, on this, you know?” He takes a long time to get the words out.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

 

When Kuroo gets back to his dorm room, he ignores his roommate (who is actually there, for once, of course, when Kuroo needs to scream and shout and cry), face plants into his pillow, mutters a teary “fuck,” and wills himself to fall asleep.

 

At practice, they’re cordial. It’s stiff and awkward but they both refuse to poison the rest of their team and volleyball itself with their breakup.

 

Over a month passes, and things are slowly getting back to okay. They study together for their midterms out of necessity, and things start to smooth out. Neither is ready for movie or gaming nights again, but it’s progress.

 

“Suga is coming to visit,” Daichi tells Kuroo after practice. They’re walking toward the library.

“Oh? That’ll be nice.”

 

When Suga arrives, something in Kuroo just _knows_.

He knows before he sees them holding hands, before Suga is kissing Daichi on the cheek.

Kuroo is happy for them, he really is, but it still stings.

 

Kuroo: 0

Heartbreak: 2

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> save kuroo 2k16


	3. Experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third time around, it hurts deeper than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *emerges from grave two months later* hello

Dating, Kuroo has decided, sucks.

“Dating sucks,” he tells Kenma after another awful first date. He’s sprawled across Kenma’s bed, head hanging off the end so he’s upside down.

Kenma grunts noncommittally.

It’s been almost a year since he and Daichi broke up, and while Kuroo dabbled in hookups, he likes the relationship part of dating enough that he goes on dates where he can find them, too.

Most of them are just people looking for hookups, so the dates themselves are littered with innuendo and always rushed toward the finish line of a race that Kuroo doesn’t want to run.

“Why does dating suck so much?” he asks, though he’s not expecting a response.

“What are you even expecting from dating that it sucks so bad?” Kenma asks, clicking through a game on his computer.

“What do you mean?” Kuroo asks, sitting up.

“I mean, what do you expect out of dating? If it sucks, then you have expectations of what it should be, and it’s not turning out how you expect. So what do you expect of it?”

Kuroo shrugs. “I dunno.”

“Surely you have some idea,” Kenma drawls. His game produces a jingly tune, which Kuroo assumes means he’s leveled up or something. Kenma turns to look at Kuroo.

Kuroo has an idea, but he’s not sure how to articulate it, especially not now when Kenma is giving him his undivided attention. Dating is such a conceptual thing that it’s hard to put to words.

“It’s like… If I go on a date, I expect conversation? And interest. Like, the person I’m with should definitely act interested in me.”

“Interested how?” Kenma presses.

“In what I’m saying, in being there with me?”

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. So a date should be a good conversational partner?”

“Well that’s part of it,” Kuroo agrees. “But a friend should also be a good conversational partner.”

“Alright, so let’s get more precise. It’s someone who you can converse with, and …?” Kenma prompts.

“There’s attraction. Like, I want to be with the person too.”

“With them _how_?” Kenma asks, and he sounds a little impatient, which catches Kuroo’s attention. In fact, Kenma’s noticeable interest in this conversation is suspicious, too.

“You know, you seem a lot more knowledgeable since the last time I talked to you about dating stuff. You sure you didn’t date anybody?” His tone is light and teasing, but his eyes are piercing, trying to read that neutral expression that Kenma has gotten so good at crafting over the years.

“I did a lot of reading about dating, because until somewhat recently, I was largely convinced that romantic feelings were a mass hallucination experienced by a huge majority of the population,” Kenma explains dryly.

“What?” Kuroo laughs.

“I mean, I figured I wasn’t straight in junior high, because I wasn’t into girls at _all_. But I was never much interested in guys, either, and I knew it wasn’t just being a ‘late bloomer’ like Shouyou. I genuinely had no interest in anyone. And when you asked me about crushes, I decided to do some reading.”

“And what did you find in all this reading?” Kuroo asks, honestly interested. He never knew this about his friend, and he feels a little bit guilty. He just assumed that Kenma would come to him with dating stories or questions in his own time, but now he realizes that maybe Kenma needed someone and Kuroo had ignored the possibility of it.

 “The first thing I found was that not having an interest in anyone was a real thing, and it’s called being aromantic,” Kenma says. He studies Kuroo’s face for a reaction, but all he gets is raised eyebrows.

“And is that what you are?” Kuroo asks simply.

“No,” Kenma says after a moment. “Well, I’m a version of it. Demiromantic,” he supplies. “It means I need to establish a bond with someone before I can begin to develop romantic feelings.”

“You get a crush on someone after you get to know them?” Kuroo tries to paraphrase in an attempt to understand.

“Kind of,” Kenma says, shifting his weight a bit. “I don’t get crushes on everyone I know well, but I don’t have any romantic interest until a certain level of like, emotional bonding happens.”

“I think that makes sense,” Kuroo says. 

“Which is why I’m asking you what you expect from dating,” Kenma follows up, crossing his arms over his chest, “because it’s different than just someone you want to hang out with.”

“Well, how would you describe it then?” Kuroo asks, a sigh escaping in his mild frustration.

“My expectation of dating is that there’s an emotional investment,” Kenma starts. “Like, a level of affection that I don’t expect from a friend, but I would expect from a dating partner. The urge to hold hands, hug, kiss… that kind of thing.”

Kuroo lifts his eyebrows in a pleasant kind of surprise. “I have to admit, I’m kind of shocked you know so much about this when like, a year ago you were completely clueless.”

“How the tables have turned,” Kenma teases dryly.

“I meant that I’m proud of you, you know,” Kuroo clarifies.

“Thanks,” Kenma says in a small voice.

“I kind of want to steal your explanation,” Kuroo admits. “A level of affection that you don’t expect from a friend. That’s the main difference between a friend and a dating partner, I guess.”

Kuroo’s mind drifts back to Daichi.

“And affection doesn’t have to be public,” Kenma adds. “I know where your brain is going.”

“Damn, you really do know me well,” Kuroo laughs.

“But seriously, affection is something that person A shows person B. It doesn’t have to be a public demonstration. I would argue that it shouldn’t be, actually. Maybe I’m too shy but thinking about doing anything embarrassing like that in public makes my skin crawl.”

“Thank you,” Kuroo says emphatically. “Sometimes I swear, it was like Daichi had this checklist of things we had to do to prove we were dating, and it was like, to who? Who are we proving this to?”

“I remember. I’m…” Kenma trails off.

Kuroo waits. 

“Never mind,” Kenma says instead.

“Please tell me?”

Kenma sighs. “I was going to say I’m glad you guys broke up.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well for one, you had totally different expectations, and I didn’t see it working out. And secondly…”

Kuroo waits again. He can feel the tension behind whatever it is Kenma is trying to say; it must be something important, because Kenma never holds back his words with Kuroo. Kenma squirms a little bit under the attention of Kuroo’s stare.

“It made me feel better about having a crush on you.”

Kuroo’s brain goes completely blank. Kenma?? Crush?? On _him???_

“Kuro, take a breath,” Kenma instructs. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“You don’t have a crush on anyone… but you have a crush on me?” Kuroo says. His voice is faint as he tries to piece things together. There’s really not much to “piece” – Kenma had been very forthcoming.

Kenma, for his part, doesn’t look very concerned at all, considering he just confessed to having feelings for his childhood friend. His cheeks might be a little bit pink, and he had been slightly hesitant about saying it, but Kuroo is a mess and Kenma is the picture of calm, cool, and collected.

“How long? When did this… Why?” Kuroo’s voice cracks.

“Don’t remember how long. A little while,” Kenma says, his voice low and even. “Can’t really give you a why; that’s not how these things work.”

“So what you just said about... demiromantic… We have an emotional bond?”

“Yes, Kuro. We had one before I had a crush on you, just to be clear.”

“We did?”

“Kuro, come on,” Kenma tuts. “We’ve been friends for a decade. You know me better than anyone else. And somewhere, that shifted from a deep friendship to… this.”

“I can’t believe you sometimes,” Kuroo says, but he’s smiling.

“Just think it over, okay? I don’t expect you to respond right now or whatever,” he shrugs.

“Kenma, I –“

“Let me rephrase: _don’t_ respond until you’ve thought it over.”

“Okay,” Kuroo agrees.

“Do you wanna play a few rounds of something?” Kenma asks gently.

“No, uh, I think I’m gonna… head home. Think things over, like you said.”

“Alright.”

Kuroo wanders back to his own dorm in something of a daze. Kenma likes him. Kenma has a crush on him. It’s something he’s considered before—dating Kenma. Well, more like he’s thought about kissing Kenma. Back when he was figuring out his sexuality, Kenma had featured prominently in more than one daydream.

But now that he’s had a taste of dating, knows what it’s like to actually kiss someone—and then some—Kuroo doesn’t know what to think. Kenma is something precious to him. He doesn’t ever want to lose the closeness and familiarity and love he feels for Kenma. And it is love: Kuroo has grown to see it as platonic, but with Kenma’s confession, he wonders if it could turn into a different kind of love as well. 

He’s secure enough in his relationship with Kenma that he’s not _too_ afraid of ruining their friendship if they date. He’s still friends with Bokuto and Daichi, and though their friendships are different (certainly less profound in Daichi’s case), he’s confident that there wouldn’t be any lasting damage if he and Kenma date and it doesn’t work out.

But is that what he wants? He considers what he and Kenma define as a romantic relationship: a conversational partner—check; someone Kuroo wants to spend time with—check; someone he’s attracted to—check. (Kenma is definitely cute.) The deciding factor, then, was if Kenma was someone he wanted affection from. Does he want to kiss and hold Kenma? Does he want affection from him that he wouldn’t expect from a friend?

Kuroo stretches out his arms, arching his back off his bed to get a better stretch. He’s really not sure what to think. Kenma asked him to think about it, and he is, but the answer isn’t jumping at him.

The answer always jumps at him.

He grabs his volleyball from next to his bed, tossing it up into the air over his head. Kuroo wonders briefly if not knowing right away is a sign that he doesn’t feel the same way about Kenma. Something in his gut tells him this isn’t right, so he tries again.

He knows that he doesn’t feel about anyone else the way he feels about Kenma. But here he is again, wondering how he’s supposed to know what the difference between platonic and romantic feelings is.

Eventually, he falls asleep, thoughts blurring into a soothing sort of confusion in his head.

In the morning, he’s groggy and can’t seem to stop yawning. He slept alright, he thinks, but he’s definitely not rested.

As he shovels food into his mouth for breakfast, he goes over his thoughts from the previous night. Why was it so hard to tell if he had a crush on Kenma, or if he was just imagining things because Kenma had said he likes Kuroo?

This, kind of thinking, apparently, is too complicated for eight thirty in the morning, so Kuroo focuses on reading the kids’ games on the back of his cereal box.

Living in his own apartment is nice: he doesn’t have to worry about a roommate, he can cook alright for himself, and it gives him a sense of being an adult. It’s a tiny studio, but it’s Kuroo’s proof of independence. He’s proud of his little apartment.

When Kenma decided to come to the same university as Kuroo, they talked about living together. Kenma decided that he’d rather live in the dorms his first year to be closer to campus and what his mother calls “university life.”

Maybe Kenma already knew he had a crush on Kuroo, and that’s why he didn’t want to live with him. Kuroo nearly drops his spoon into his bowl at this realization. _Shit_.

It’s too late to do anything about it now, but no matter what he does, Kuroo can’t distract himself from thinking about Kenma.

Maybe he’s not supposed to.

Maybe that’s a sign that he has feelings for Kenma, too.

But if he had feelings for Kenma, why wouldn’t he have felt something like this before Kenma brought it up? Had he already discounted it, thinking that Kenma would never be interested in anything but the close friendship they already shared?

This is really messing Kuroo up.

He cleans up his breakfast dishes and gets ready for class, but he’s second guessing every thought that comes through his brain.

He’s able to focus on his lecture well enough, only doodling in the margins occasionally and nothing Kenma-themed, so he thinks he’s at least not too obsessed about this. It’s weird though, right? That his best friend suddenly confessed to him?

Kenma texts Kuroo that he downloaded a new co-op game on Steam. The silent invitation to join him is there, and Kuroo considers it. He thinks that hanging out with Kenma like normal might be a good thing: even if he ends up dating Kenma, nothing should change about this, their easy-going friendship.

Kuroo tells him he’ll see him after volleyball practice, and heads off to his next class.

By the end of the day, Kuroo is tired but looking forward to hanging out with Kenma. That’s good, he tells himself. That’s good that he’s not letting this throw their friendship vibe off.

The whole time they’re playing games, Kuroo tries to push their discussion to the background. He just wants to enjoy this time with his friend, just as friends, and Kenma hasn’t brought it up at all. Kuroo is sure that Kenma is waiting for Kuroo to bring it up when he’s ready, and so he’ll hold off on saying anything until he’s completely certain in how he feels.

That’s the best thing for both of them, he decides.

 

Things continue on like this for a few weeks. Kuroo can’t quite get it out of his mind, but he pushes it away while he’s actually spending time with Kenma. Alone, though, he starts to let it creep in on the sides, asking himself what he would want to change about his relationship with Kenma. Does he want to cuddle with him while they watch YouTube videos? Does he want to kiss his cheek when he blushes at a compliment Kuroo gives him?

At first, the answer is a muddled mess of “yes! no! maybe! I have no idea!” Over the weeks, though, he starts to think that yeah, he does want those things. Kuroo likes being affectionate, and knowing that Kenma would be open to this affection is tempting. He won’t do anything without asking first, but it’s interesting that he wants to ask.

One such time, they’re eating mochi ice cream at Kuroo’s apartment, and Kenma has some of the powder on his nose.

Normally, Kuroo would reach out and brush it off with his hand, teasing lightly at how messy of an eater Kenma is. This time, he wants to lick it off. He knows that would be way out of line for them, so he holds back, but he does decide to tease Kenma that he’s going to do it.

“You got powder on your nose,” he says smugly.

Kenma moves to brush it off with his hand, but Kuroo grabs his wrist gently. “Hang on, I got it for you,” he says, but with a big grin he leans forward with his tongue out, and Kenma makes a small “eep” noise and pulls away.

Kuroo stops his joke, and dusts off the powder with his fingertips like a normal friend would.

 

Another time, they’re at Kenma’s dorm, picking up a forgotten phone charger, and Kuroo has to fight the urge to wrap his arms around Kenma’s waist and rest his chin on Kenma’s head. He’s seen the pose only in dramas and shoujo manga (that he definitely doesn’t read), but it occurs to him that it would probably feel really nice. Instead, he decides to rest his hands on Kenma’s shoulders while he sifts through his pile of electronics, looking for the right cord.

He gives Kenma’s shoulders a light squeeze, but Kenma rolls his neck and hums softly when he moves to step away. Experimentally, he squeezes again, and Kenma relaxes his shoulders, momentarily pausing his charger quest.

Kuroo begins to knead at Kenma’s shoulders, gently at first, but going deeper as Kenma responds. Kenma wriggles and shifts his body weight back and forth, guiding Kuroo to the right spot to let the tension out.

“If you sat up properly when you gamed, you wouldn’t be this sore,” Kuroo tells him in a murmur.

“Didn’t ask for your opinion,” Kenma says in a breathy tone, letting his head loll backwards as Kuroo massages a particularly tense spot.

Kuroo wants to keep going, massage all of Kenma’s back; he wants to lay him out on the bed and rub all of his muscles out until Kenma is a happy pile of goo.

Something tells him that’s overstepping, though, and he files that away for his mental spreadsheet of evidence of his crush on Kenma.

 

By the end of that week, Kuroo thinks he’s ready to talk about it again.

“Hey Kenma?” he asks while they’re hanging out at his apartment. Kuroo is curled up in his desk chair catching up on YouTube subscriptions through his headphones while Kenma sprawls on Kuroo’s bed, reading manga.

“Hmm,” Kenma replies.

“I’m… I want to talk about dating again.”

Kenma puts his book down.

“Oh?”

“Like, about us. I wanna talk about us.”

“Go ahead,” Kenma says gently as he sits up. His attention is focused on Kuroo now, and it’s making Kuroo sweat a little bit.

“I’ve thought about it a lot. Like, I think it’s been a month since we talked about this last,” he laughs a little. “I guess I really wanted to be sure of how I was feeling, and not like, projecting your feelings onto me?”

Kenma nods, encouraging him to continue.

“And I guess what I want to say is, I want to try it. I think we should try it. Dating, I mean. If that’s something you’re still interested in.”

Kenma smiles, and Kuroo continues.

“It’s that extra level of affection,” he adds. “I just… I miss it from dating, but I really want it with you. There’s been… there’s been times where it’s been hard to hold back, you know?”

“I’ve noticed,” Kenma says. “And yeah, I’m still interested. I have to say though, I’m surprised you’re interested. It has been a while since we talked, and usually you’re so quick to jump into… these things.”

“I know. But that’s something that I thought about, too. I think it’s good that I took more time than I usually do, though, you know? Because I do always jump into things and then I end up somewhere I didn’t know I was going, and didn’t really want to go. Does that make sense?”

“I think so. Let’s take it as a good sign, then, that you really took the time to think things over.”

“Yes. These are my true feelings,” he says, feeling a little cheesy, “and I would be honored if you would be my boyfriend.”

Kenma smiles again. “I’m not sure how honorable the position is, but okay. Let’s do it.”

 

Kuroo promises himself that he’s going to take his time with this relationship. He needs to do this the right way, making sure that he’s treating Kenma well and that they’re honest and careful about their relationship and that they’re both communicating well and that they’re both comfortable with everything and—

Okay, maybe Kuroo is getting ahead of himself.

But the point still stands. Kuroo’s first relationship was a mess of jumping in without looking. His second relationship was marked by miscommunication and being at different levels.

 _Third time’s the charm_ , Kuroo tells himself.

At first, he isn’t sure what should change. He knows _he_ doesn’t like PDA, and Kenma had agreed with him in the past on that. So there’s no need to be cuddly in public.

And in private, he finds he’s almost too nervous to act on the affection he feels.

They’re at Kuroo’s, propped up in his bed watching a movie on his laptop. Kenma is leaning heavily into Kuroo’s shoulder. It’s an action movie, but neither are particularly invested in it. Kuroo is slowly letting himself be consumed by a desire to nuzzle into Kenma’s neck, and after a solid five minutes of weighing the pros and cons, he decides he’s going to go for it.

He noses into Kenma’s hair, getting it out of his way. It’s longer than he wore it in high school, the dark roots fighting for length over the dyed blond.  Kuroo likes the length, because he gets to play with it. It’s not so fine that it tangles unforgivably, either, which means Kenma doesn’t mind if he plays with it.

At first, it’s just a gentle nuzzle, burying his face in Kenma’s neck. But then he gets the idea to drop fluttery, barely-there kisses on Kenma’s skin. It’s warm and soft, and Kuroo inhales deeply.

Kenma seems to like it, as he leans into the touch, so Kuroo keeps going, expanding his kisses from the small patch of Kenma’s neck down to his collarbone.  

“That tickles,” Kenma says, squirming but not really making an effort to move away.

To keep it from being ticklish, Kuroo simply applies more pressure. Again, Kenma leans into the kisses, and Kuroo nudges Kenma closer, a hand on his hip.

Kenma pulls back momentarily to pause the movie and move the laptop off his legs, and he leans back further into his pillows. Kenma tugs at Kuroo’s arm, easing him back to lay on top of Kenma a bit.

They’ve kissed before, but Kuroo tends to start overthinking, and he ends things before they get even a little heated. Now, though, both of them seem to be interested in going a little further.

Kuroo kisses Kenma’s mouth tentatively, testing the waters. Kenma meets him enthusiastically, opening his mouth for Kuroo. The kiss is deep, and Kuroo can feel how their mouths line up and move together. Kenma licks at Kuroo’s mouth, a first for them, and it sends a shiver down Kuroo’s spine.

Kuroo rubs his hand along Kenma’s hip, mirroring the movements of their mouths with a soft back and forth motion.

Kenma brings a hand up to Kuroo’s face, stroking along his jawline with his palm. His hand is warm, and Kuroo loves the way it feels, leans into it as much as he can without breaking his rhythm of kisses.

“This okay?” Kuroo asks, pulling back only enough to ask the question. His lips are still touching Kenma’s, and he’s expecting a positive response.

“Stop talking,” is the reply he gets. That works. He kisses Kenma fast and deep, breathing in through his nose.

Kenma folds his arms around Kuroo’s neck, pulling him in as close as he can get, kissing him so hard Kuroo thinks it could bruise.

They kiss, long and languorous, and when Kuroo tries to pull back for a break, Kenma chases him, eyes closed and mouth open.

When Kuroo’s jaw starts to get sore, he slows down to a frustrating pace, letting each kiss press in and settle against Kenma’s lips.

Finally, he pulls back, stroking his fingers through Kenma’s hair, brushing it away from his face.

“Hey, what do you think of going on a double date with Bokuto and Akaashi?” Kuroo asks.

“Sounds nice,” Kenma says, folding an arm behind his head.

“Really? I would’ve figured you wouldn’t be interested,” Kuroo laughs.

“Why did you think that?”

“I don’t know. Just didn’t think you’d want to be out with Bokuto. He’s pretty loud.”

“I don’t mind Koutarou’s… exuberance,” Kenma says lightly. “When Keiji’s there he’s much better anyway."

“That’s true. Akaashi keeps him in line,” Kuroo teases. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love Bokuto, but sometimes he needs to find his chill.”

“The same could be said of you, you know,” Kenma says dryly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Kuroo deadpans.

“Of course not.” Kenma pokes Kuroo in the ribs.  

 

Texts are sent, arrangements are made, and two weeks later, Bokuto and Akaashi join Kenma and Kuroo at the planetarium. It’s a brisk autumn day, and leaves are tumbling in the breeze. Kenma is wrapped up in an oversized sweater with a cat on it. Kuroo thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

Kuroo himself is wearing a hoodie, though sadly not adorned with any adorable animals.

“Your sweater is adorable,” Kuroo tells Kenma. “Maybe I should buy a cat sweater, and we can match.”

“Ugh, no,” Kenma groans.

“What? Why not?” Kuroo asks, a little offended.

“I don’t want to match with you,” Kenma complains. “That’s like what weird parents do to their children. We’re not awkward siblings.”

“What if I promised not to wear it the same days you wear yours?”

“Are we coordinating our outfits now?” Kenma asks, raising an eyebrow. “Sounds like way too much effort when the solution is simple: don’t buy a cat sweater.”

“That’s hardly fair,” Kuroo argues good-naturedly. “What if I really want a cat sweater?”

“Get a different animal,” Kenma suggests. 

“So you support animal sweaters, just not a cat sweater?”

“Kuro, we’re at a science museum. Can we talk about something more interesting?”

“I _guess_ ,” he teases. “But I do want an animal sweater.”

“Noted,” Kenma says. “Now go read a plaque or something.”

They’re wandering through an exhibit on the moon; Bokuto is reading a plaque about the Americans’ landing there aloud to Akaashi, who nods appreciatively.

“Whoa, the moon is cold!” Kuroo exclaims. “Wait, it’s also hot. Negative 233 all the way up to 123 Celsius,” he reads. “I would need a lot of cat sweaters to survive the cold end of that.”

“And an oxygen tank, among other things,” Kenma teases, the corner of his mouth tilting up.

“Always so practical,” Kuroo hums appreciatively.

They continue on past the moon exhibit and on to Mars.

Bokuto finds a rover simulator probably meant for children: he and Kuroo cram themselves inside and play with the controls, squealing with delight every time the video screen tells them they’ve ‘discovered’ something new.

Akaashi and Kenma take out their phones and record their boyfriends’ antics. Kenma takes a video of the two of them fighting over which direction to turn next. He and Akaashi exchange knowing smiles; it’s going to be a while before they can move on.

Ignoring whatever is happening inside the simulator, Akaashi and Kenma go around the rest of the room, looking at rock samples and chatting quietly about things they read on the NASA twitter account.

Finally, Bokuto and Kuroo exit the simulator, laughing about something they saw, and they make their way over to where Akaashi and Kenma are standing.

Kuroo puts his hands on Kenma’s shoulders and squeezes lightly once, then lets his hands fall. “What exciting facts did you read about while Bo and I were being space explorers?”

“Mostly about the possibility of water on this planet, some stuff about the Americans again,” Kenma replies. “And what did my space explorer discover?”

“That rover guy is incredible,” Kuroo gushes. “All the functions it has and the discoveries it’s made so far… Humans are amazing, I can’t believe we live in a time where giant remote-control robots do our bidding on other planets.”

“That’s certainly one way to think of it,” Kenma laughs lightly.

They wander through the rest of the exhibits until the top of the hour, when the planetarium show begins. This is always Kuroo’s favorite part, because the shows are usually narrated by some really intelligent people, full of facts and knowledge he can only dream about.

Seated in the theater, Kuroo nudges Kenma’s hand on the armrest, trying to see if they can hold hands in the dark. Kenma opens his palm and Kuroo grins, gripping Kenma’s hand and interlacing their fingers together. He rubs his thumb along the back of Kenma’s hand, and Kenma squeezes lightly in return.

The lights go the rest of the way down, and the show begins.

The narrator has a smooth, low voice, and begins talking about cosmic shifts.

Kuroo’s not paying attention—there’s blue shifts and red shifts, but which one is which, he couldn’t tell you. He’s too focused on Kenma’s hand in his own, the brilliant lights above, and how his chest feels full in the best way.

Hopefully Kenma is paying attention, and he can tell him about the narration later.

Twenty minutes later, when the lights come back up, Kuroo gives Kenma’s hand a final squeeze before he lets go. Kenma grips back a little bit, slowing the parting of their hands to a gentle slide.

After the show, they stop at the gift shop. Bokuto tries to convince Akaashi to let him get a par of magnets that click loudly when brought close together. Akaashi firmly tells him _no._

Kuroo buys a postcard with the Mars rover on it. He’ll make Bokuto sign it later to add to his souvenir journal. He started it in college, thinking he’d take a bunch of pictures—which he did—but he never printed them, because that’s what the internet is for. So the journal is mostly blank, except for a couple pairs of concert tickets and the occasional post card he adds like this one.

 By the time they get back to campus, they’re tired, and Kenma comes over to Kuroo’s apartment with the sole intention of napping together.

Kenma changes into a pair of sweatpants Kuroo keeps for him, and Kuroo just wears his boxers. They curl up together, Kenma’s head tucked under Kuroo’s chin, legs twined together and arms wrapped around each other.

They’re asleep in minutes.

 

Three weeks later, it’s November 17, and Kuroo doesn’t want to bring it up, but it’s _totally_ his birthday. Kenma had stayed over last night—no class on Friday mornings made this a regular Thursday night occurrence—and Kuroo wakes up to his boyfriend sprawled delicately across half the bed.

He rolls over to get closer to Kenma, wrapping an arm around Kenma’s waist and kisses Kenma’s shoulder through the fabric of the sleep shirt he’s wearing.

Kenma stirs, but doesn’t wake. Kuroo kisses him again, moving up Kenma’s shoulder toward his neck, where his skin is exposed.

He licks a broad stripe along Kenma’s neck, and Kenma wakes up to that. He scrunches his neck, trying to get away from the wetness.

“Ew, Kuro,” he complains, voice a little rough from sleep.

“Morning, Kenma,” he laughs quietly, a low rumble against Kenma’s back.

“You’re gross.” Kenma rolls over to face Kuroo, smiling sleepily despite his protests. He gives Kuroo a short kiss on the lips, though he makes a face.

“What’s wrong now?” Kuroo teases.

“Morning breath,” Kenma says.

Kuroo leans in to kiss him again, despite the bad breath, and Kenma turns his face away. Kuroo kisses his cheek anyway.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Kuroo asks.

“Eggs,” Kenma says. “But I’ll make them.”

“Wh-no, I can do it. I know you don’t like cooking.”

“It’s your birthday though. Let me make you breakfast.”

A smile breaks across Kuroo’s face. It’s not that he thought Kenma would forget his birthday, it’s that he’s genuinely happy Kenma is the one who brings it up, and even offers to go out of his way in its honor.

“I’m gonna brush my teeth so you’ll let me kiss you,” Kuroo says, by way of response.

Kenma hums happily and rolls out of bed.

Kuroo goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth as promised, runs a hand through his hair—not that it helps much—and goes out to the kitchen to find Kenma frying eggs in his boxers.

It’s adorable.

Kuroo waits for him to put the seasoning down and wraps himself around Kenma. “You’re such a good boyfriend,” he says.

“Sap,” Kenma teases, but he turns around in Kuroo’s grip and kisses Kuroo’s minty mouth.

Kuroo draws him in for a second kiss, a little deeper this time, before releasing him to get plates out of the cabinet.

He pulls some rice out of the fridge, tossing it in the microwave to heat up, and sits down at the kitchen table.

Kenma finishes up the eggs and serves the rice and eggs on two plates, bringing them both to the table as he sits and joins Kuroo.

“So, what do you want to do today? For your birthday, I mean,” Kenma asks, blowing on his egg.

Kuroo smiles again, that Kenma is so supportive of his birthday this year. Is this boyfriend privileges? Kenma has always muttered a quiet “happy birthday” and given him a small gift, but this active participation is new and Kuroo plans to cherish it.

“Well, tonight I’m going out with Bokuto to a bar, since it’s my twentieth,” he starts, “and I have class at one. So until then, I say we make out and play video games.”

“You’re very easy to please,” Kenma laughs. “But makeouts and video games, I can do that.”

When they finish their breakfast, they skip actually washing their dishes, setting them in the sink to soak instead.

Kuroo picks Left 4 Dead, loading a co-op mission. Kenma has disappeared off to the bedroom, so Kuroo waits patiently. When Kenma doesn’t appear to be coming right back, Kuroo calls out to him.

“Kenma? Where’d you go?” he asks.

“Just a moment,” comes the reply, muffled through the closed door.

The door opens, and there’s a crinkling noise from behind Kenma’s back, where his hands are hiding something.

“What’cha got there?” Kuroo asks, a smile spreading across his face.

“I got you something for your birthday,” he says casually.

“You should know by now that your company is a gift in itself,” Kuroo says, still smiling. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I always get you something,” Kenma says with a shrug as he joins Kuroo on the couch. “And you did kind of ask for this.”

Kuroo’s brow furrows. “I did?”

“Open it and see for yourself,” Kenma says, and the corners of his mouth twitch into a smile, too. He presents the lumpy, poorly wrapped gift to Kuroo, who takes it gently in his hands.

It’s something soft, probably fabric. But why would Kenma give him clothes? Maybe he felt bad about always stealing Kuroo’s sweatshirts?

Eagerly, Kuroo tears off the paper. It’s a mint green sweater, and embroidered on the front is a large, blue and white polka-dotted whale.

His furrowed brow smooths out to a look of wonder and a new kind of confusion.

“You said you wanted a cute animal sweater,” Kenma explains. “There was an owl design, but you’re not Bokuto, and I liked the whale the best.”

“It’s… it’s perfect, Kenma. I’m gonna wear it all the time.”

He turns it over and holds it up to his shoulders, admiring it for a moment before he pulls it over his head and shoves his arms through the sleeves.

The fit is loose and comfortable, just how he likes it.

“I love it, Kenma, thank you so much. Come take a picture with me, I want Bokuto to see this.”

Kenma rolls his eyes but scoots close to Kuroo. Kuroo tries to find the right angle to display the whale design and get both of their faces. Eventually, he finds a shot he’s happy with, and sends the photo off to Bokuto and Daichi with the caption, _“jealous?”_

Kuroo kisses Kenma soundly on the mouth, and pulls back to smile fondly at him. “I was kind of joking about this, you know, when I said I wanted a cute animal sweater.”

“No you weren’t,” Kenma laughs, and pulls Kuroo in for another kiss.

“Eh, you’re right. I wasn’t. And gosh am I happy I wasn’t, because this sweater is so _soft_. Where did you find it? I might need like twelve.”

“You don’t need twelve whale sweaters,” Kenma tells him.

“But _Kenma,_ ” he teases.

“No,” Kenma asserts. “One embarrassing sweater is plenty.”

“It’s not embarrassing, it’s adorable,” Kuroo insists.

“Ugh, why am I dating you again?”

“For my devilish good looks and angelic charm?” Kuroo flashes a dazzling, mischievous smile.

“Going for both sides of the religious spectrum: Isn’t that a bit of a reach?” Kenma deadpans.

“Nah, I’m pretty tall, so I have long arms.”

“Ugh,” Kenma groans, and shoves at Kuroo. Kuroo wraps his arms around Kenma and pulls him in close, kissing his face all over.

“Stop being gross,” Kenma giggles.

“Ah, you’re laughing, see, I’m not really gross,” Kuroo laughs back, and kisses Kenma again.

Kenma grabs Kuroo’s hands and directs them down to Kenma’s waist, and catches Kuroo’s lips with his own.

They kiss sweetly for a moment, before Kenma giggles again.

“What?” Kuroo says without pulling back. It comes out as more of an “mmf” than a word.

“I can’t take you seriously in that sweater,” he says, laughing again.

“Well I’m never taking it off, so you’ll have to take me as I am,” Kuroo says.

“Maybe,” Kenma says.

“Only maybe?” Kuroo pouts.

“You’ll have to convince me,” Kenma teases, arching an eyebrow and smirking. “Think you’re up for the challenge?”

“I was born ready,” Kuroo says. He lays down on the couch, knees spread wide to position Kenma on top of him, between his legs.

Feeling bold, he pulls Kenma’s face to his own, kissing him hard and deep. He presses his tongue into Kenma’s mouth, too, and Kenma sighs into the kiss.

He runs his hands up and down Kenma’s back as they kiss, tongues sliding against one another. It’s sloppy and fast, and Kuroo thinks he might like this as much as the long, languorous kisses they’re used to.

He’s careful to control his hips, so that they don’t buck into Kenma’s or draw attention to his hard-on. Normally, he’s on top so he can pull his hips away from Kenma when things get too hot for him, so this time with Kenma on top, he tries to shimmy down into the couch to keep his hips away. Kenma says he isn’t ready for more than kissing, and Kuroo respects that.

After a few minutes, he has to pull back, needs to cool down or he’s going to have a problem.

He slows the pace of their kissing down, back to gentle nips and licks and nuzzling into Kenma’s jaw and neck.

Kenma shivers as Kuroo draws his tongue across Kenma’s throat, and Kuroo likes that a lot. He does it again and gets a tiny, tiny moan this time.

 _Down boy_ , he thinks at his dick.

Eventually, the kisses come to a stop, and they’re just resting on each other, holding each other quietly while the menu music for Left 4 Dead plays quietly in the background.

“Happy birthday, Kuro,” Kenma says after a moment.

“One hell of a start to the day,” Kuroo laughs.

They do end up playing some video games, in between grabbing snacks, more makeouts, and one accidental hickey.

Kuroo goes to class at one, and his mind is just not in it. He knows that in just a few more hours, he’s going to go out with Bokuto to a bar and he’s going to get drunk for the first time.

Kuroo’s had a drink before, but he never really felt anything from it—so he’s pretty excited.

He eats dinner with Kenma at his apartment, and he starts getting ready at seven thirty. Bokuto is picking him up at nine, but he’s getting antsy and he can’t take Kenma’s stillness.

(Kenma offers to make out with him some more, and is surprisingly turned down. Kuroo claims he is too distracted by his upcoming plans to properly make out with his boyfriend. Kenma would like to call bullshit.)

Kuroo tries on a few different outfits, modeling each of them for Kenma who is ambivalent about all of them.

“Why don’t you just wear regular clothes? You’re going to a bar, not a dance club,” Kenma says.

Kuroo’s shoulder sag. “You’re right. I should stop trying to make this special,” he says, dejectedly.

“That’s not what I said,” Kenma mutters. “What’s wrong with the sweater I got you and some nice jeans? You were already wearing that.”

“That’s not a bar sweater,” Kuroo grumbles.

“And what, pray tell, is a bar sweater?” Kenma asks, putting his hand on his hip.

“Something rugged and rough! I’m a grown ass man, and I’m gonna have a grown ass drink! A lot of grown ass drinks!”

“Sure you are. So why not wear the sweater that your grown ass boyfriend got you? Didn’t you want to show it off to Bokuto anyway?”

“You’re right, but… Ugh, I don’t know. I wanted to dress up for this.”

“Then dress up! Just stop moping about it.”

Finally, he decides on a deep purple button down and black jeans, and at the last second, he puts his whale sweater on over the button down.

“Just to show Bokuto and stay warm,” he says. “Then I’ll take it off at the bar.”

“Whatever you say,” Kenma says, rolling his eyes.

It’s only eight fifteen, so Kuroo has forty-five minutes to kill still.

“Wanna make out now?” Kuroo asks.

“Not gonna be too distracted?” Kenma teases.

“No, I’m calm now. I’m good, good to go.”

They mostly end up cuddling on the couch. Kenma is playing through Persona for the nth time, Kuroo watching over his shoulder.

They’re settled in, cozy and content, when there’s a knock at the door.

“Bokuto!” Kuroo gasps, and he disentangles himself from beneath Kenma as quickly as he can.

He opens the door to find his best friend, hair gelled up, red button down and dark jeans, with a black jacket.

“You ready for this?” he asks.

“Bro, I’m so ready.”

“You’re wearing the whale sweater?” Bokuto laughs.

“Kenma, tell him.”

“He’s wearing the whale sweater ‘as a jacket’,” Kenma explains, aggressively using air quotes.

“Whatever, man, it’s your birthday, you do you.”

“Hell yes,” Kuroo tells him, slapping his hand for a high five.

“We’ll be back late, so don’t wait up, babe,” Kuroo tells Kenma, flashing a cheesy smile.

“Noted,” Kenma says. “Have fun.”

Kuroo leans down to give Kenma a kiss, though he shies away in Bokuto’s presence, and Kuroo lands on his cheek instead.

“Sorry, sorry,” Kuroo says. “Bye.”

 

The bar is a typical college bar: TVs on in the corners, loud rock music, and a steady roar of conversation permeating the room.

They grab seats at the bar itself—“to be closer to the alcohol”—and get started with a couple of beers.

This much is familiar to Kuroo – he’s been to a couple of parties on campus where they served beer, and he may have had one or two, despite only being nineteen.

Bokuto and Kuroo keep up easy conversation, their laughter getting louder and louder with each round of beers.

After three beers, Kuroo declares he wants to try something else.

They ask for a drink menu, since neither of them know the names of any mixed drinks, and try not to giggle at some of the names. (Sex on the Beach is a little too much for them to handle, though.)

“Kuroo,” Bokuto says seriously. “I found it. We have to order this.” His finger points to an entry on the shots menu.

**Bear Fucker.**

“What is it?” Kuroo asks, a tone of awe in his voice.

“I have no idea, but it’s called a Bear Fucker. We have to,” he explains.

“Let’s ask the bar tender,” Kuroo decides.

Getting the bartender’s attention, Kuroo shouts over the music, “What’s a Bear Fucker?”

“Vodka, rum, and tequila,” the bartender, a college student herself, informs them. “It’s a little wicked.”

“We’ll take two,” Bokuto tells him, slapping money down on the counter.

“Coming right up,” the bartender says, and she pulls out two glasses and fills them to the top with the three types of booze.

She slides them over with a grin to Bokuto and Kuroo, who take them a little warily.

“Here goes,” Kuroo says, and he takes the shot glass, clinks it against Bokuto’s, and downs it.

It’s… not as bad as he expected.

It goes down surprisingly smoothly for as much alcohol is in the glass, and though it tastes bitter, it doesn’t linger for too long.

 “Wha-hoo!” Bokuto yells next to him. “That was really good! You wanna try a mixed drink next?”

He orders a whisky sour, because he thinks whiskey is what refined men are supposed to drink, and while he doesn’t hate it, he definitely wants to order something sweeter next time.

He gets something called a “Blue Motherfucker” this time, mostly because it promises to be sweet and has “fucker” in the name again. He’s maybe not as “grown ass” as he pretends to be.

“Nah, who cares what we’re supposed to be,” Bokuto tells him. “Being a grown up is about doing what you want, sometimes. If you wanna order the drink with ‘fucker’ in it, then do it! You’re an adult! Who’s gonna stop you?”

“As long as it’s legal, no one, I guess!”

“That’s the spirit!”

 It’s getting late, and Kuroo thinks he is probably very well drunk. The voices of those around him are a little fuzzy, and when he looks around the room his vision swims a little. He also feels like laughing, though no one has said anything funny.

Bokuto hasn’t shut up for the last twenty minutes. Apparently, he’s giving a word-for-word retelling of his last literature lecture.

“It’s all in the analogies,” he concludes, and Kuroo has no idea what he’s talking about so he just nods and says “right on.”

When Bokuto is about to launch into _another_ literature lecture, Kuroo puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Bro. _Bro_. Let me, let me tell you something first, before you talk again, okay?”

“Sure, bro, tell me all about it.”

“Listen… I love Kenma so much, man. I love you, too, but I really mostly love Kenma right now, I think. I mean, did you see the sweater he got me? Have you seen it? I’m gonna put it back on,” he tells Bokuto, and he reaches behind him to put the sweater on.

He struggles with finding the right sleeves, and Bokuto diligently tries to help him, though they’re both drunk and it takes a much longer time than it should to get the sweater on.

“There, fuckin’—I love this sweater. I don’t even like whales, man. I wanted a cat sweater, but Kenma, he said no because _he_ has a cat sweater. So he got me a whale. I don’t even like whales! But fuck, man, I love this sweater. It’s such a good sweater.”

He stops talking, like he’s zoned out for a minute.

“Bro,” Bokuto says, snapping Kuroo’s attention back to the present. “You love Kenma.”

“Of course I do!” Kuroo exclaims. This is not some new revelation; it fills him with a sort of warmth in his chest, separate from the heat in his cheeks from the alcohol. “I loved him before we were dating, man, he’s so _good_ and like, you know?”

“I feel you, man,” Bokuto tells him seriously.

“I gotta get back to him. It’s late, he’s probably worried about me,” Kuroo says suddenly.

“We told him we’d be out late, remember? And it’s not even midnight; it’s fine.”

“Gotta tell him,” Kuroo repeats, and he pulls out his phone.

              **To: Kenma  
              **_m cominn for u_

“I told him,” he informs Bokuto.

“You want to stay a little longer? One more drink?” Bokuto asks.

“No, no, I think I’ve had enough. Gotta get back to Kenma, so he knows I’m, I’m okay.”

His phone buzzes with an incoming message.

              **To: Kuroo  
              **_brush your teeth before you try to kiss me_

Kuroo shoves the screen into Bokuto’s face. “Look at this,” he says. “Look at how much he cares.”

Bokuto scrunches his face up in confusion, but decides not to question him. “Alright buddy, let’s get you home then.”

Kuroo wobbles next to Bokuto as they walk back to his apartment. The air is cold, and helps him sober up a bit.

It’s a good twenty minute walk, in their state, but they make it back without incident.

Kuroo wrestles his key into the lock and throws open the door.

“Kenma!” he cries out.

Bokuto hushes him immediately.

“Kenma,” he whisper-shouts instead.

Bokuto gives him a thumbs up.

“I’m in the bedroom,” Kenma calls, just loud enough to be heard.

“That’s my cue,” Kuroo tells Bokuto. “Text me when you’re home, okay? Need to know you didn’t die.”

“Of course, buddy. Don’t forget to brush your teeth,” Bokuto laughs. “And drink some water!”

He brushes his teeth lazily, lacking the coordination to really do it properly, but his mouth is minty and that’s probably all Kenma cares about, so he drinks a little water from the tap and shuffles into his bedroom.

Kenma is waiting for him on the bed, reading glasses on the edge of his nose, intently turning the page of a book.

He’s wearing an oversized sweater—probably one of Kuroo’s—and his boxers.

“You’re _so_ adorable, holy shit,” Kuroo tells him emphatically.

“You’re pretty cute too, sometimes,” Kenma tells him quietly. “Did you have a good time?”

“So adorable,” Kuroo repeats, and he tucks Kenma’s hair behind his ear as he leans in for a kiss.

Kenma accepts the kiss, but pulls back. “I asked if you had a good time,” he says.

“Oh! Yes, yes I did,” Kuroo says. “Had two drinks with the word fucker in them. They were yummy. I like alcohol.”

“Okay,” Kenma tells him. “Why don’t you put some pajamas, and we’ll cuddle before you fall asleep?”

“Mmm, yeah, I wanna cuddle you so bad,” Kuroo says, half giggling to himself.

He pulls the sweater over his head clumsily, and when it becomes apparent he’s not going to make much progress with the buttons on his shirt, Kenma gently takes his hands away and unbuttons them himself.

He gets his shirt off, grabs a tee shirt, removes his jeans, turns off the light, and crawls into bed with Kenma.

Reading glasses and book set on the nightstand, Kenma wriggles down to get comfortable in Kuroo’s warm embrace.

“You’re like a furnace,” Kenma tells him.

“I feel really warm,” Kuroo confirms. “Must be the alcohol.”

“Mm,” Kenma agrees.

“You’re so great, Kenma,” Kuroo mumbles into the back of Kenma’s head. “You make me so happy.”

A soft smile plays across Kenma’s lips. “You make me happy, too, Kuro. Good night.”

Kuroo drops a kiss in Kenma’s hair. “G’night.”

 

It’s Valentine’s Day, and social customs be damned, Kuroo is giving Kenma chocolate.

Well, he’s not giving him _actual_ chocolate, because Kenma doesn’t really like chocolate.

What Kenma _does_ like, of course, is apple pie. So that is exactly what Kuroo is going to make for him. He’s managed to make the dough for the bottom crust, and while it looks kind of ugly, he thinks it’s probably functional enough: it covers the tin, it’s fairly even, and that’s as good as Kuroo’s gonna get it. He’s already spent half an hour on it, he’s covered in flour despite the apron he put on, and while he’d love it to be beautiful like at a bakery, he’s sure Kenma will still like it.

He fills the tin with the filling: gooey, cinnamon covered apples. Kuroo has never been good at peeling apples, so the apples look a bit mangled, but it’s getting eaten anyway, so who cares?

Finally, he applies the top crust, and cuts a heart into the middle.

When the oven is hot enough, he sets the pie carefully on the wire rack to bake.

He sets a timer, and pours himself into a chair.

He did it.

Only thing left is to make sure it doesn’t burn, but Kuroo’s responsible and he’s confident he won’t let that happen.

The timing is really impeccable, he thinks, because Kenma is coming over after his last class. By the time he gets here, the pie should be the perfect eating temperature. (Kuroo hopes. He’s honestly never made pie before.)

The timer rings, and Kuroo leaps out of his chair to check on the pie.

It’s not quite golden on the edges, so he decides to give it five more minutes and check again.

This time, it looks appropriately baked, and he takes it out of the oven to cool.

“Kenma’s gonna love this,” he tells himself.

He settles onto his couch to get some of his assigned reading done, highlighter in hand.

Twenty-five minutes later, Kenma is knocking at the door. Kuroo suddenly realizes he’s still wearing an apron, so he takes that off, and dashes to the door.

He opens the door, letting Kenma inside. His cheeks and nose are pink from the chill of the February air. Kenma unwraps his scarf and removes his hat before letting Kuroo hug him and kiss him on the cheek.

“Not too cold outside, I hope?” Kuroo asks.

“It’s normal February weather,” Kenma says with a shrug. “It smells really nice in here.”

“That’s because I have a surprise for you,” Kuroo says excitedly. “Come sit down.”

Kenma sits at the kitchen table, looking around at the mess. “You baked something?”

Kuroo nods. “An apple pie. For Valentine’s Day,” he says proudly, and he places the pie on the table in front of Kenma.

Kenma’s mouth opens in surprise. “This looks really good, Kuro. You made this?”

“All by myself! Crust, filling. Thank you Pinterest for the recipe but I did everything myself. No store-bought for _my_ boyfriend. Here, let me cut you a slice, yeah?”

He serves the pie messily on a plate for Kenma, giving him a fork.

As he had hoped, the pie still seems to be fairly warm, and Kenma delicately takes a bite. “Mmm,” he hums. “It’s really good, Kuro. Thank you.”

“How’s the crust? Is it flaky? I wanted it to be flaky…”

“It’s… almost flaky. For a first attempt, this is wonderful. You should have a slice, too,” Kenma insists.

“But it’s for you!”

“I’m not going to eat an entire pie by myself, Kuro. You can have one slice. You deserve to know what your creation tastes like.”

Kuroo hesitates, but sighs. “Fine, but I’ll only have a little piece. It’s for you.”

Kuroo tries a bite, and the crust isn’t any great shakes, but the filling is good and that’s Kuroo’s favorite part anyway.

Kenma has a second slice at Kuroo’s request, effectively ruining his appetite for dinner. Kuroo doesn’t care though. His pie is a success.

“Does this mean I have to get you something for White Day?”

“Up to you,” Kuroo says.

“Ugh, why do you have to keep raising the bar like this? I thought we agreed to be a chill couple.”

“This is chill! I baked you a pie, but that’s like, no biggie!”

“Kuro, your kitchen is a wreck from this ‘no biggie.’”

“Shh,” Kuroo hushes him. “Details. You can do whatever you like for White Day. As long as I get to spend it with you.”

“Sap.”

“I don’t hear you complaining.”

 

He’s not really keeping track, but Kuroo thinks it’s been about six months now that he and Kenma started dating. This is the longest relationship he’s been in, and he’s honestly kind of surprised he hasn’t messed anything up.

True, their relationship is so similar to the way their friendship was before dating, but he’s still impressed. 

Kenma has been staying over more, which means that Kuroo has a bed partner about half the time. This makes the times he _doesn’t_ have a bed partner kind of strange, if he’s honest.

They don’t sleep snuggled up together much anymore, since at some point, one of them gets too warm and has to wriggle away from the other. Instead, they have cuddle time before they fall asleep, separate with an extra squeeze or a kiss, and fall asleep on their own sides of the bed.

They’re cuddling, Kenma on his back and Kuroo resting his head on Kenma’s chest. His arms wrap around Kenma’s waist and their legs are tangled together.

He’s been thinking about it ever since he drunk-babbled to Bokuto, but it had felt too soon.

Daichi said it after just four months, but it had shocked Kuroo.

He and Kenma have known each other for so long, he thinks maybe it’ll be different with them. But he’s had to stop himself from saying it a couple of times now, so he thinks it’s time to tell Kenma for certain.

“Hey, Kenma,” Kuroo says in a low voice. He doesn’t want to disturb the gentle, quiet atmosphere.

“Hmm,” Kenma’s chest rumbles in reply.

“I’ve been thinking,” Kuroo starts. “I want to tell you something. It’s important,” he adds gently.

“Mmm,” Kenma hums again.

Kuroo thinks Kenma probably has an idea what Kuroo’s about to say.

“I want to tell you that I… I love you, Kenma,” he whispers.

“Mmm,” Kenma sighs happily.  

“I loved you platonically, before we were dating, and I’ve come to realize that I love you this way, too. It’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, but I wanted us both to… to be ready for it.”

Kenma rubs Kuroo’s back, pulling him in as close as he can. 

He’s not speaking, but Kuroo hadn’t… well, he had hoped. Kenma’s never been much one for words, especially if he can portray his feelings without them.

“So I hope that didn’t scare you or anything, and I hope you don’t mind if I start to say it to you. Because I really do feel that way. That, I love you. Okay?”

He doesn’t want to force Kenma to speak, but at the same time he needs to hear _something_ from him.

Kenma sighs one more time, tension releasing from his shoulders, and he shimmies down in Kuroo’s embrace to meet him face to face.

“I’m surprised you waited this long, to be honest,” Kenma says, a small smile touching the corners of his mouth. “I haven’t quite sorted, um, how I feel about it. For me, I mean. Saying it to you. But as long as you don’t say it like, in front of people, that’s okay. I don’t mind, I mean.”

 “Not in front of other people?” Kuroo asks. “Because it would be embarrassing?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Kenma replies immediately. “I think I would die if you said that in front of Bokuto.”

“Well I don’t want you to die,” Kuroo says earnestly. “So I will only say it when we’re alone.”

“Thank you,” Kenma says quietly.

Kuroo pulls Kenma into his chest, kissing the top of his head sweetly. They sit quietly for a moment, just reveling in each other’s presence.

“Hey Kenma?” Kuroo whispers.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“You’re going to be really annoying with this, aren’t you?”

“No, no, I’ll be good,” Kuroo grins.

They shift around again, Kenma now the little spoon and Kuroo the big spoon.

His arm is in a weird position that he knows will make it go numb in a few minutes, but he doesn’t want to lose this closeness yet. He finally told Kenma how he feels—the first time he’s told anyone those three little words—and he wants to relish in it.

When they do finally separate to go to sleep, Kuroo can’t help but whisper it one more time.

“I love you,” he says, just as earnest as the first time he said it, but this time softer and more intimate.

Kenma kisses Kuroo, a gentle, easy kiss that they hesitate to break. He’s not ready to say it back, and Kuroo can respect that. The kiss is enough confirmation that Kuroo’s not alone in this, that they’re close enough to the same page that things are good.

When they finally do fall asleep, their hands are clasped together.

 

Two months of “I love you”s goes by in a blur. The weather is getting warmer, and tournament season is upon Kuroo and the volleyball team.

Practices are more intense, and as such, time spent lounging at home with Kenma is precious indeed. Kenma has been quieter than usual, but Kuroo doesn’t think much of it, figures it’s just from their increased business.

This, combined with Kenma’s usual homebody nature, is what makes Kenma’s comment shocking, to say the least.

“We never go anywhere anymore,” he pouts one evening.

“I guess not,” Kuroo says. “Didn’t think that mattered to you.”

“I’ve just been thinking about it, I guess. We’re not really going out. We don’t go out.”

Kuroo narrows his eyes. “Do you mean you don’t feel like we’re dating since we don’t go out?”

“Well, we’re not going on dates. I guess it’s semantics, but I think it would be nice.”

“What did you have in mind?” Kuroo asks. He’s more than a little caught off-guard by this, and he’s worried where this conversation is going.

“Doesn’t have to be fancy. Dinner and a movie would be nice. Just somewhere that’s not this apartment,” he stresses.

“We can go see a movie some time. I’ll have to check my schedule, but we should have Sunday off.”

“Good,” Kenma says. “Yeah. Let’s go on Sunday then.”

“Do you… Do you not like hanging out at my apartment?”

“It’s fine, it’s just all we ever do. Doesn’t feel like we’re dating, is all.”

“Okay. This just seems like it’s out of nowhere. Say something next time, yeah? I want you to be happy.”

“Alright,” Kenma agrees. Then he laughs. “I don’t even know what movies are playing right now. What if they’re all awful?”

“Then we’ll do something else,” Kuroo says easily. “I’ll take you bowling or something.”

“No, absolutely not,” Kenma says. “You know I hate the shoes.”

“They clean the shoes,” Kuroo sighs. “You’re always so upset about the shoes.”

“I have good reason to be upset about the shoes. Other people wear them. It’s gross.”

“Fine, no bowling. But we’ll come up with something else if there’s no good movies playing.”

 When Sunday rolls around, Kenma decides there’s no films he’d like to see at the theater.

“What shall we do instead?” Kuroo asks. “You don’t like karaoke that much, no bowling… We could walk around the shopping district, make fun of ugly clothes? Or we could like, get pedicures or something. Never done that before, and yes, I’m slightly curious.”

“None of those things sound good,” Kenma shrugs. “I wanted to see a movie.”

“We can see a movie next week? Maybe there’ll be something better out by then.”

“This is too much effort. This is why we always stay in, isn’t it? It’s a hassle to go anywhere.”

“No, it doesn’t have to be! Let me at least take you out to dinner. You said you wanted to do something that wasn’t just sitting around my apartment. Let’s go out for dinner.”

“Not hungry.”

“You’re making this really difficult,” Kuroo says, a bit impatiently.

They’re in a bit of a standoff for a moment.

“Fine, let’s go out to dinner,” Kenma cedes, finally.

“Great,” Kuroo says, though it doesn’t really feel that great. After all, it was Kenma who apparently wanted to go out, but now it’s Kuroo dragging him out. Kuroo didn’t want to go out in the first place!

“Unless you’d rather stay home?” Kuroo asks. “We can have a night out another time, when you’re feeling more up for it.”

“I’m up for it now.”

“Are you sure?” Kuroo asks, arching an eyebrow.

“Yes, for the love of everything, let’s go.”

They go to a family style restaurant, and after they order their food, they sit in silence for a minute.

Kuroo can’t take it. “It’s nice to not have to cook for once, at least.”

“Mm.”

“Beat any new games lately?” Kuroo asks, trying to get into some kind of conversation. This is something Kenma said he wants, though Kuroo has his doubts right now, but he’s trying to make the evening about Kenma.

“No,” Kenma says.

“Do you want to hear about volleyball practice?” Kuroo tries.

“I guess.”

Their food arrives while Kuroo is describing a new drill his coach introduced yesterday.

Kenma looks far too happy to have his food as a distraction.

Kuroo finishes his story, but doesn’t start a new one, just lets them sit quietly while they eat.

The rest of the date is uncomfortable, for Kuroo. He wants to make Kenma happy, but this doesn’t seem to be the way to do it.

Neither of them is enjoying this.

“Kenma, I’m really sorry if I did something wrong,” Kuroo starts, “but you really don’t seem to be having a good time.”

Kenma sags in his seat. “It doesn’t feel any different than when we eat at your place,” he complains. “Shouyou said it would.”

“He said it would what?” Kuroo urges.

“He said it would feel different, that we just needed to be more couple-y,” he says. “Can we talk about this at your place? I feel really exposed here.”

“Y-yeah,” Kuroo agrees.

They pay their bill and walk home in awkward silence.

When they walk through Kuroo’s front door, Kenma shifts uneasily before deciding to sit on the couch.

Kuroo joins him, but he leaves a space between the two of them he wouldn’t normally.

When it becomes obvious that Kenma isn’t going to be the first to speak, Kuroo takes the plunge. “So you mentioned talking to Shouyou, and that things would feel different. You wanna… tell me a little more?”

“I guess I’m having a hard time, is all,” he says.

“With?” Kuroo prompts.

Kenma sighs. “With us. With dating.”

Kuroo feels his face turn pale, like a chill overtaking him. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.”

“It sounds like you do know, at least a little,” Kuroo whispers.

“It’s just… I thought I knew what romantic attraction was, I thought I understood it. With you. I thought I got what it meant, and just wasn’t into traditional romance.”

“I can do more romance, if that’s what you’d like, Kenma. I can—“

Kenma puts a hand up and Kuroo stops mid-thought.

“Shouyou said that dating is fun, that it’s about doing fun things together. I know that’s a bit simple, but…” Kenma pauses, tucking hair behind his ear. “I didn’t feel like we did anything fun together. We always do the same thing, and it’s the same thing that we did before we started dating.”

“So we need to mix things up, okay, that’s not too bad,” Kuroo tries.

“I just, I don’t know, I want to feel like what we’re doing isn’t just friendship with more cuddling and kissing. Remember when we first talked about dating, that there needed to be some extra level of affection?”             

“Yeah, and I thought that’s what we have: we cuddle and kiss _because_ we have a different kind of affection, that we… feel something for each other.”

“But does it feel like romantic love? Or does it feel like platonic affection?”

“How am I supposed to know?!” Kuroo cries out, raising his voice in frustration. He’s so tired of trying to define things, to nitpick and box things in to some definition that no one can seem to put their finger on. His heart is racing and his skin is prickling and he can’t believe this is happening right now. “People talk about getting the butterflies and, and these sweeping gestures but no one even knows what love is! How am I supposed to know the difference between romantic and platonic love? I know that I love you, because you make me happy and I know you so well and you know me so well and we get each other’s sense of humor, and we like the same kind of movies. I love cuddling with you and kissing you and spending time with you, whether it’s here watching you play Persona for the billionth time or going out to a fancy dinner. I know that.”

 “But would it be any different if it weren’t me?” Kenma asks, his voice so quiet Kuroo almost doesn’t hear it.

“Of course it would!” Kuroo exclaims.

“So no one else makes you happy? No one else thinks you’re funny? Kissing and cuddling, it could be anyone?”

Some of the vitriol leaves Kuroo so fast he feels like the wind got knocked out of him a little bit. “I… Of course other people make me happy, too, but it’s different when it’s you. Because… well I can’t explain it but it just is.”

“And kissing me, specifically?” Kenma’s voice cracks.

“Well I’m dating you. Of course I’m only going to kiss you, you know that.”

“What if I said I didn’t care if you kiss other people. Would you?”

“Why would I need to when I have you?” Kuroo doesn’t understand where this is going. All these hypotheticals…

“What if I didn’t want to kiss you anymore?”

“You don’t?” His voice is small, the hurt seeping through his chest like blood through a tissue.

“I’m trying to prove a point. That it wouldn’t matter if it was me you were kissing or someone else. You like kissing, but it doesn’t have to be me, right?” Kenma’s voice is hard, rough. He doesn’t seem to be bothered at all by Kuroo’s reaction, just barrels onwards.

“Kenma, where are you going with this?” Kuroo asks, exasperated.

“I’m saying that’s what it’s like, for me,” Kenma says forcefully, as though it should have been obvious. “That I like you, Kuroo, but that it just doesn’t feel any different from friendship. That when we kiss or cuddle, I’m not thinking about how it’s _you_ doing those things, just that I like the acts themselves. That I’m really confused by all of this and I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to say ‘I love you’ back and really mean it, not like you do.”

If Kuroo was a candle, then a cold wind just snapped out his flame. Kenma likes him, but it’s not enough. Kuroo feels replaceable, temporary, not enough, not _enough_ , _not_ _enough_.  Just like with Bokuto. Just like with Daichi.

That’s the most Kenma’s ever really said about their relationship, and it was to destroy it, to break it all down.

To say that Kuroo isn’t special, he’s just convenient.

“I feel like this is all coming out of nowhere,” Kuroo says eventually.

“I’m sorry,” Kenma says. “I’ve been thinking about it since you told me you loved me. I just… I tried to figure out why saying it back felt insincere, and it all led here.”

“I wish you had said something. We… shit,” Kuroo sniffles, tears beginning to fall now, “we could have done something. Tried new things. I could have shown you… I don’t know what. But at least we could have tried.”

Stiffly, Kenma leans over to Kuroo, putting an arm around his shoulders. He rubs his back in small circles, trying to sooth Kuroo. Kuroo tenses, but he needs the comfort, too. It’s just weird coming from Kenma, now. It hurts, now, but Kuroo craves it all the same.

“I didn’t mean for it to end up like this,” Kenma whispers. “I really didn’t. I thought I could bring it up a little at a time, make you see that it was mutual, that we don’t really fit like that.”

“So this is it?” Kuroo asks, breath catching on a sob.

“I’m not going anywhere, though,” Kenma promises. “Not really. We’re really just friends anyway, so it won’t be that different, okay?”

How can it not be different? To have had everything and then have it be taken away _again_ , because he’s not enough? Not enough for Bokuto. Not enough for Daichi. It stings like salt in a wound.  

There’s a deep ache in Kuroo’s chest, and he clutches at Kenma in a tight hug, willing the pain to go away. It can’t be helping, being comforted by the same person who made him feel this way, but the hug is warm and it helps.

Maybe it doesn’t matter that it’s Kenma. Maybe Kenma is right.

It doesn’t make this hurt any less, though, so maybe he’s wrong after all.

 

Things shift back to platonic a lot neater than Kuroo would like to admit: Kenma doesn’t stay the night anymore, and they don’t kiss, but many of their usual activities stay the same.

They still cuddle a little, arms around shoulders, legs touching each other, because the proximity and warmth is nice.

After a couple of weeks, things feel almost normal. Sometimes he misses having someone to kiss, but he can push that feeling down fairly easily.

 

Two months after their break up, Hinata is coming to visit campus. He wants to go to the university next year, and Kenma offers Kuroo’s couch as a bed for his stay.

Kuroo doesn’t really mind; he thinks Hinata is a good kid, and hopes that his study skills have improved since the last time he saw him.

Hinata being there means that Kenma is there, too, of course, and something about the situation makes Kuroo feel like a third wheel in his own home.

On the second day, when Hinata is packing up to head back to Miyagi, Kuroo finds out why.

The two of them, Kenma and Hinata, are sitting on Kuroo’s couch, cuddled up together and talking in hushed tones to each other.

There’s something intimate about the atmosphere that makes Kuroo feel like he’s invading their privacy. When Hinata kisses Kenma’s cheek, and Kenma blushes, Kuroo leaves the room. He shuts the door, lays face down on his bed, and doesn’t want to think about it anymore.

Maybe Shrimpy’s passion and energy will be enough for Kenma. Maybe he’ll be enough in all the ways Kuroo wasn’t.

Kuroo is happy for them, he really is, but it burns.

 

Kuroo: 0

Heartbreak: 3

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next ch is endgame, so the angst parade is almost over


	4. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fourth time... is like coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! First.... sorry that this took nearly 10 months to come around. I've had some really awful writer's block trying to get this chapter written, even though it's the reason I started this fic in the first place? Between that, depression, moving to another country, going back to school (I'm comin for u, master's degree!)... yeah.   
> So here we are! This chapter is endgame, but there will be a short epilogue to follow.   
> (this has barely been edited bc i'm just honestly... so done trying to write it haha sorry for mistakes/typos!)

There’s this guy in Kuroo’s English class that is driving him insane.

He always has to raise his hand and say the answer, and yeah, he’s usually right, but give it a rest, man. He acts like he’s still in elementary school or something. Plus, he always tries to add little comments of his own to whatever the professor is teaching. Kuroo does his best to ignore him.

To top things off, he decided that his seat was going to be the one right next to Kuroo’s, and though Kuroo tried changing seats, this kid always follows him.

He’s also really, really good looking.

And is that a tongue piercing?

Sometimes, Kuroo daydreams of shutting the guy up with kisses, dipping his tongue into the guy’s mouth to taste that metal ring.

It’s not the weirdest daydream he’s ever had, though part of him does find it strange to be fantasizing about a guy who he kind of can’t stand and whose name he doesn’t even know. That kind of bothers him.

The latter problem, at least, is one he can fix.

A few weeks into the semester, he decides to satiate his curiosity.

“So, uh, I don’t think I ever caught your name,” Kuroo mentions casually before class begins one day.

“Oh! It’s Terushima Yuuji,” he offers brightly. “And you’re Kuroo Tetsurou.”

“How do you—“

“I go to every volleyball game,” Terushima explains. “I played in high school, didn’t make the cut here, but I still love the sport. I’ve got a wicked intramurals team.”

“Oh, cool. Ha, thanks for supporting us.”

“So why did you decided to talk to me?” Terushima asks after a moment of awkward silence.

“Eh?”

“I mean, I sit next to you every class, and I talk to you all the time, but you never even look at me.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I just, I like to stay focused during class, I guess,” Kuroo improvises. He’s starting to rethink asking for Terushima’s name. He should have just dealt with not knowing his name.

Luckily, the professor walks in to start class, and Kuroo is saved from continuing the discussion.

At the end of class, he packs up quickly, but Terushima is right behind him.

As he’s about to give an excuse about getting to his next class, Terushima grips his bicep, biting his lip. _What the fuck_ , Kuroo thinks. _Why is that so hot?_

“Good luck at Saturday’s game,” Terushima says. He looks right into Kuroo’s _soul_. “I’ll be in the stands cheering you on.”

“Th-Thanks,” Kuroo stutters, and Terushima releases his grip on his arm and turns in the opposite direction.

Kuroo ducks his head, hates that he’s blushing a bit, and hurries toward his next class.

The following week in class, Terushima seems to have decided that the silence between them is a thing of the past.

“Your game was incredible,” he says before he’s even sat down. “Really, your blocks are amazing and you look like you’re having such a good time out there. I’m kind of jealous.”

Kuroo’s not sure how to respond. He opts for neutral: “Glad you enjoyed the game. Too bad we lost, though.”

“You’ll win next time, for sure.”

“Ha, I hope so,” Kuroo says as the professor walks in.

When class lets out, Terushima hangs around while Kuroo packs up.

 “Hey, uh, Kuroo?” he asks, biting his lip again.

Kuroo swallows. “Yeah?”

“Do you maybe wanna grab a coffee with me sometime?” Terushima fidgets with his hands.

Kuroo thinks for a second. Terushima’s hot, but slightly annoying. Does he want to go somewhere and talk more with the guy?

 _Fuck it,_ Kuroo thinks.

“Um, yeah, okay. Sure. When?”

“Do you have a class after this one?” Terushima asks. “We could go now, if you have the time.”

“Alright, yeah; I just have practice at four.”

They head to the little café just off campus, Le Petit Steam, and Terushima insists on paying. Kuroo orders a chai latte and thanks him.

When they have their drinks, they grab a table, and take their seats, and… silence.

“So…” Kuroo says, taking a sip. “What did you want to talk about?”

Terushima bites his lip. _He’s really got to stop doing that,_ Kuroo thinks.

“What’s it like being a collegiate athlete?”

“Eh, it’s pretty cool. The workouts are so intense, and we have weight training that I didn’t do much of in high school, but at this point, I mean, I’m in my third year. My body’s caught up to where it should be, and like, practices are hard, but I can totally handle them.”

“You definitely have the body,” Terushima mutters, but Kuroo still hears and arches an eyebrow.

“Thanks?” he says, but searches for something else to talk about. “So what’s your major?”

“Political science,” Terushima says. “I’m taking English because I think it’ll be useful in my field.”

“That makes sense,” Kuroo concedes.

The conversation flows about academics pretty easily after that, and though Terushima makes a couple other flirty comments, Kuroo steers them back into friendly territory as quickly as he can.

Terushima is talking about one of his professors when a tall, lanky, blond guy walks into the café, huge headphones that his slides down to rest around his neck as he approaches the counter to order.

Kuroo sits up a little taller, feels a smile on his face and a little wriggle of excitement in his stomach.

Tsukishima.

He darts his gaze back to Terushima for a moment; he’s still prattling on about that professor. Should Kuroo excuse himself and go say hi to Tsukishima?

As he’s debating whether or not to interrupt the conversation, Tsukishima grabs his drink and turns to make eye contact with Kuroo.

Recognition flashes across Tsukishima’s face, and though his mouth is set in a hard line, his eyes are bright and is that a blush on his cheeks?

Kuroo’s smile brightens, and Tsukishima comes over to their table.

“Kuroo-san,” he says in greeting, as though he isn’t interrupting at all. 

“Tsukki!” Kuroo grins, standing up and offering a hug to Tsukishima. Tsukishima makes a face at Kuroo’s open arms, but steps closer for the hug anyway.

“I didn’t know you were coming to this school,” Kuroo says.

“Well, we haven’t exactly kept in touch, Kuroo-san,” Tsukishima says matter-of-factly.

Terushima clears his throat, and Kuroo and Tsukishima turn to look at him. His arms are crossed, and he looks displeased.

“Oh, sorry. Tsukki, this is Terushima Yuuji. He’s a classmate.”

“From Jozenji, right? I remember you. You harassed our manager,” Tsukki says.

Kuroo grimaces. _Of course he did._

“I don’t remember you,” Terushima bites back. “And I never harassed anyone.”

“Karasuno? She had black hair, glasses? Nevermind, it doesn’t matter.” Terushima scoffs, but gets ignored.

“Kuroo-san, are you still playing?” Tsukishima asks.

“Yeah, I’m on the school team. Are you… I mean, I didn’t see you at tryouts. Why not?”

“I want to focus on my studies. I’ve formed a sort of intramural league with some friends, though. You remember Yamaguchi?”

“Pinch server! Of course I remember him,” Kuroo laughs. “I’m glad you’re still playing in some form. You were too good to just quit altogether.”

“Thank you, Kuroo-san. That’s very kind of you.”

“Hey,” Terushima pipes up again. “We’re kind of in the middle of a date here.”

Tsukishima poorly suppresses a laugh.

“This… this isn’t really a date, Terushima,” Kuroo says quietly. He doesn’t want to embarrass the guy, and maybe he had given the wrong impression, but he saw it as a getting to know you kind of hang out, not a date. Guess he should’ve been more clear.

“I asked you out for coffee!”

“Yeah, as friends!” Kuroo says. “We barely know each other, I thought this was a get to know me kind of thing!”

“Well it _is_ , but—“

“Fascinating as this all is, I do have to get to class,” Tsukishima cuts in. “Kuroo-san, I’d like to catch up with you some more if you’d like. We can exchange numbers?”

“Yeah, for sure,” he says, grabbing his phone from his pocket. “Dial your number and I’ll text you.”

Tsukishima does as requested, and Kuroo sends him a text.

“Got it. Thanks, Kuroo-san. I’ll see you around.” And with that, Tsukishima pulls his headphones back over his ears and heads out of the café.

Kuroo realizes he’s smiling after Tsukishima.

“What a blast from the past,” he says, sinking back into his chair. Remembering where he is, he looks nervously at Terushima. “Sorry about that.”

“Are you interested in me?” Terushima asks.

“I barely know you, Terushima. I’m not interested in dating someone until I know them better, okay?”

“Fine. Okay. Ask me anything you want to know.”

“I’m not going to just, magically know you after we play twenty questions,” Kuroo says.

“Do you even want to get to know me?” Terushima asks. “Because right now it seems like you’re trying to get away from me in a hurry. Why did you even agree to coffee?”

Kuroo sighs. “Look, I’ll be honest. I think you’re kinda hot, and that’s why agreed to coffee. I’m… I should’ve been clearer that this wasn’t a date, I guess. And, sorry, but did you actually harass Karasuno’s manager?”

“I don’t know, it was years ago. I might’ve flirted, but that’s not harassment.”

“It is if it’s unwanted,” Kuroo counters.

“It was a long time ago, okay? Can we drop it?”

Kuroo is quiet, though Terushima’s answer is slightly unsettling him.

“Look, I really like you, but I guess you’re not interested in me, so I’m just gonna leave, and you can go back to ignoring me in class, alright? This was stupid.”

Kuroo purses his lips, unsure how to respond. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly after a moment. “I wanted to try to get to know you, I guess, but I don’t think it’s… working out.”

Terushima nods. “Yeah, alright.”

He stands up from his seat, grabbing his drink, and spares one last look at Kuroo. “See you around, I guess.”

“Yeah, see you,” Kuroo replies, looking resolutely at his drink on the table and not at Terushima.

Now alone, Kuroo settles back into his seat, pulling out his phone.

He wants to be more concerned about how things went with Terushima, but he finds himself distracted by the appearance of Tsukishima.

Tsukishima had already texted himself from Kuroo’s phone, but now that his mind is on it, Kuroo wants to send him another message.

**To: Tsukki**

**Good to see you today! Hmu any time ;)**

The winky face is a typo, but he shrugs and decides it works just fine anyway.

He finishes off his drink, and contemplates getting another one, but decides against it. He gathers himself up and decides to go back to his apartment to try to get some work done on an assignment.

 

As he unlocks his door, he gets a text back from Tsukishima.

 

**To: Kuroo**

**Surely not *any* time. You must have some obligations.**

Kuroo smirks. Tsukishima’s snark was always fun to contend with, and Kuroo has always been one for a good verbal bout.

**To: Tsukki**

**Anything for u, tsukki ;)**

 

This time, the winky face is intentional. Riling up Tsukishima was always fun back in high school, and though he had seemed more mature when he saw him at the café, he imagines the result will be equally as satisfying as it used to be.

 

**To: Kuroo**

**Be careful what you wish for.**

**To: Tsukki**

**I wish… to get coffee with u tomorrow?**

 

He vaguely realizes that his replies aren’t so much verbal sparring as flirtatious, but he’s not being told to back off, so he figures he’s still safe. He should probably tone it down, though, if he doesn’t want to give off the wrong idea.

Because it _is._ The wrong idea. He doesn’t want to flirt with Tsukishima.

Tsukishima agrees to coffee, and they decide to go after their classes.

Kuroo puts his phone away to get work done, so he doesn’t have anything to worry about tomorrow.

 

 

Kuroo finds himself a bit distracted in class the next day. His professor is talking about something that will no doubt be on the midterm exam that’s coming up in a couple of weeks, but aside from jotting down a quick note, Kuroo doesn’t pay much attention.

He’s nervous. He’s nervous about spending time with Tsukishima, because he doesn’t know what kind of attitude to take. Back in high school, he had been flirty and coy. Now, he wants to give off the cool, knowing senpai vibe, but he knows Tsukishima will probably never think Kuroo is cool.

So where does that leave him, realistically?

He’s halfway through a highly improbable imagined dialogue when the professor dismisses the class for the day, and he slowly gathers his things and heads to the café.

 _Just be yourself,_ a voice tells him, a voice that sounds suspiciously like Bokuto’s. The problem is, Kuroo doesn’t know which self to be. His best course of action will be to try to relax, breathe, and do whatever comes naturally.

And hope it’s not incurable flirting.

He gets to the café before any sign of Tsukishima, so he gets himself his usual and finds a seat near the windows.

After about ten minutes of waiting, his phone buzzes, and it’s a text from Tsukishima. At first glance, Kuroo’s heart drops since the text begins with “sorry”, but when he reads the whole thing, he relaxes a little.

 

**To: Kuroo**

**Sorry, had to talk to my prof about a grade. omw now tho**

He’s not being stood up, Tsukishima is just running late. Totally fine.

Kuroo shifts a little anxiously in his chair, but finds a comfortable position with his left foot tucked under his right leg. _Relax_ , he reminds himself. It’s just Tsukishima. They’re friends. Catching up. Everything is normal and _fine_.

A few minutes later, Tsukishima walks through the door and Kuroo’s heart pauses briefly in his chest. Tsukishima is wearing black skinny jeans and a deliciously tight vintage tee that clings to strong shoulders and biceps that Kuroo didn’t know the younger boy had.

 _Damn_.

Kuroo clicks his tongue at himself; this is _not_ the kind of impression he wants to be making on Tsukishima! He’s a cool senpai! Dammit! Dammit dammit!

“Tsukki!” He calls, standing up from his comfortable position, and the lanky boy turns in his direction. Tsukishima looks casual and relaxed as he makes his way over to Kuroo’s table.

“Kuroo-san,” Tsukishima says in greeting. “Good to see you again.”

Kuroo would normally go for a hug with his friends, but he doesn’t think he and Tsukishima are on that level, or that Tsukishima is a hugger. He settles for putting his hand on Tsukishima’s shoulder and squeezing quickly before immediately jamming his hands into his pockets.

“Good to see you too, Tsukki. You’re all grown up, it keeps catching me off guard,” he laughs.

“You’ve grown too, Kuroo-san. Let me go get a drink and we can talk about it.”

“Of course,” Kuroo agrees, and takes his seat again.

When Tsukishima returns from the counter, licking whipped cream off his drink, Kuroo can’t help but watch his tongue moving as it sweeps up the confection.

He blinks hard, trying to re-center himself.

Tsukki settles into the seat across from Kuroo, and smiles pleasantly. “So, Kuroo-san, let’s get all the basics out of the way. How have you been?”

“Over the past two years? It’s had its ups and downs, but overall we’re on an up trend. You?”

“High school was… surprisingly not too bad. Volleyball helped.”

“High school _was_ fun, wasn’t it? Man, I miss the old days sometimes.”

“The old days?” Tsukishima asks with an arched brow. “You make it sound like you’re ancient.”

“Oh, but Tsukki I am! I’m a million years old!” Kuroo says, clutching at his heart.

“Oh hush,” Tsukishima laughs, deep and honest. Kuroo loves it. He wants Tsukishima to laugh more.

Tsukishima takes a sip of his drink, licking the leftover whipped cream off his lip and swallowing slowly.

“So what are you majoring in, oh wizened old one?” Tsukishima asks.

“Funny you should call me wizened, because I am. Very wise indeed. I’m a philosophy major, English minor.”

“Philosophy? Really? What do you plan to do with that?”

“I plan to earn a degree in Philosophy,” Kuroo says with a sly grin. “I haven’t gotten past that part, but when I get there, I’ll let you know.”

“Your parents are okay with that? Not having a direct career path figured out?”

“They just want me to get a degree. They figure I’ll go into business or something, so it doesn’t matter what my undergrad is in. I think I might make a good professor,” he adds whimsically.

Tsukishima sits back and considers him for a moment. “Actually, you might. I could see it. You’d have to do _something_ about that hair, though. Not very professorly.”

“But if I am a professor and I have this crazy hair, the hair belongs to a professor. Thus, it becomes professorly hair.”

“We’re not doing this,” Tsukishima says, and it’s almost a laugh, and Kuroo thinks _almost, but not quite._

“Alright,” Kuroo agrees, “so what about you? What’s your major?”

“Audio engineering.”

“That is very fitting, coming from the number one music fan I know.”

“The engineering part makes my parents happy,” Tsukishima adds. “And it’s got a direct path to employment. If I can get a good enough internship, I can pretty much graduate with a job lined up.”

“Look at you, all planning for the future,” Kuroo smiles. “So you like the program so far?”

They keep talking, about school, about the future, about the past, and Kuroo makes Tsukishima laugh four times. It sounds better and better each time he hears it.

Tsukishima admits that he made some of his best friends through volleyball, and that it was thanks to Kuroo, in part.

“It wasn’t just how you played the game,” Tsukishima says. “It was how you, I don’t know, you made everyone a part of it. You dragged me in for extra practice, and at some point I started thinking that was a good thing. I was spending time with people who weren’t Yamaguchi, and I was enjoying myself. That… hadn’t happened before.”

“Well I’m glad it helped you out, because that was possibly the best training camp we had. Seriously, I’m so happy your advisor got through to our team. The relationship we had my third year was amazing. Like, what a fantastic rivalry.”

“It was a partnership,” Tsukishima amends. “Sure, we wanted to beat each other and there was the whole ‘battle of the trash heap’ thing, but ultimately we became partners. We learned from each other, and became friends.”

“Or more than friends, as the case may be,” Kuroo laughs.

Tsukishima raises his eyebrow again. “Oh? Who got together?”

“Hinata and Kenma. And…”

“They make sense. Who else?” Tsukishima presses.

“I sort of dated your captain for a little while, too.”

“Daichi?” Tsukishima asks. “I thought he was with Suga-san.”

“He is now, but he dated me first.”

“I see,” Tsukishima replies. His eyes are calculating something, but Kuroo doesn’t know what. “Well, there must have been something in the water, because way too many of us ended up dating each other. I even dated Yamaguchi for a while.”

“You? Dated?” Kuroo can’t help but ask. “You definitely didn’t seem the type.”

“A lot changed between my first and third year, Kuroo-san.”

“That’s... that’s true. What, um, what ended it? I mean, you’re not still with him, are you?”

“No, no. We decided that we were better off as friends, that dating was too weird for Yamaguchi. He wasn’t ready.”

“That’s not so bad.” Kuroo hesitates before he adds, “Would you get back with him if he said he was ready now?”

“Honestly, no. I’ve come to realize a more brotherly affection for him at this point.”

“Fair,” Kuroo says, pausing to finish off his coffee.

They sit quietly for a moment, Tsukishima gauging something in Kuroo, and Kuroo meets his gaze. There’s something soft about Tsukishima’s eyes, a nice contrast with his sharp cheekbones and sharper tongue. 

“I have…” Tsukishima begins, blushing. Tsukishima is _blushing_. Kuroo thinks it might be even better than his laughter. “I have plenty of non-brotherly affection, though.”

“Ohoho?” Kuroo says, but it definitely lacks its usual vibrancy, tinged with nerves and maybe something else.

“Yeah, you know,” he says evasively, seeming to have lost his nerve.

“No, Tsukki, I don’t think I do. Why don’t you explain it to me?” Kuroo eggs him on.

He should let it go. He doesn’t want to give the wrong impression. They’re not flirting! He’s a cool senpai, dammit!

“Well, maybe we could, I don’t know, get dinner some time?” Tsukishima says with a visible swallow.

Kuroo knows he’s smiling, wide and bright and brilliant, and he needs to shut this down but there’s something electric happening in his chest.

Flirting wasn’t the plan.

Dating again isn’t the plan.

No matter how cute Tsukishima is.

No matter how good Tsukishima makes him feel.

The smile fades.

“Tsukki…” Kuroo starts.

Tsukishima purses his lips and looks down at his hands, folded in his lap.

“Tsukki, under different circumstances I would say ‘hell yes.’ But I… I’ve been kind of burned with dating, and I just, I’m not ready to try again. Let’s be friends?”

Tsukishima pushes his glasses up his nose. “Of course, Kuroo-san.”

Kuroo catches the clock hanging on the wall in the corner of his eye. He’s got time until practice starts, but he’s a little uncomfortable, and is considering leaving.

“So what’s campus life like?” Tsukishima asks. If he feels any awkwardness, he doesn’t let it show.

Kuroo is relieved by the subject change, and he starts talking about his favorite on campus activities.

Twenty minutes later, he has made Tsukishima laugh two more times, but it’s time to go to practice.

“This was fun, Kuroo-san,” Tsukishima says as they get up.

“You can drop the san, you know,” Kuroo tells him.

“Sure,” Tsukishima agrees. “This was fun, Kuroo.”

“This _was_ fun. It was good to catch up. We should hang out again some time.”

“I look forward to it.”

***

The two start to hang out fairly often over the next two months, sometimes just the two of them at the café, a few times with Yamaguchi tossing a volleyball around, and once at a cafeteria table on campus with half of the volleyball team.

(Most of that time was spent quizzing Tsukishima about what Kuroo was like in high school though.)

 

“Come over and play video games,” Kuroo says one day the instant Tsukishima picks up his phone.

“Hello to you too, Kuroo,” Tsukishima drawls.

“I’m so booooored,” Kuroo whines. “Come play video games with me.”

“I have a paper due in two days that I haven’t started,” Tsukishima counters.

“So you have plenty of time to do it. Come entertain me.”

“Play by yourself.”

“I’m so lonely!”

“You have other friends.”

“It’s you I’m lonely for!”

“That sounds like a Kuroo problem.”

“Tsukki, you wound me.”

“Ugh. Look, give me an hour to get some research done, then I’ll come over.”

“Yes! I knew you’d give in.”

“Yeah, yeah. Give me an hour. No annoying texts begging me to work faster. I get the whole hour or I’m not coming over.”

“Yes sir!” Kuroo says. He salutes, too, even though Tsukishima can’t see him over the phone.

Kuroo fiddles around with some of his own homework while he waits, dutifully texting only Bokuto and Daichi that he’s bored and wants Tsukki to come over.

Bokuto is sympathetic, while Daichi gives a firm ‘leave the poor kid alone.’

True to his word, an hour and eleven minutes later, there’s a knock at Kuroo’s door. When he opens up, Tsukishima holds up two packages of popcorn.

“I’m starving,” he says as a greeting, taking off his shoes as he steps into Kuroo’s apartment.

Kuroo takes the popcorn from him and heads to the microwave.

“Want anything else besides the popcorn? I have cup ramen around here somewhere,” Kuroo offers.

“Start with the popcorn; cup ramen isn’t compatible with video games.”

Shrugging in agreement, pushes the buttons and the popcorn starts popping shortly thereafter.

Tsukishima is rummaging around in Kuroo’s room, hopefully setting up the game they’ll play. Kuroo doesn’t even care what it is, he just wants something mind-numbing and not Western philosophers. Barf.

When the popcorn is done, he grabs a couple of paper towels and heads to his room where, sure enough, Tsukishima has gotten comfy with Super Monkey Ball 2.

Tsukishima is on his stomach on Kuroo’s bed, feet crossed and swaying gently, handset at the ready. He takes a deep inhale as Kuroo settles in with the popcorn. “Mm, artificial butter,” he moans.

Kuroo settles in, and playfully props his feet up on Tsukishima’s thighs. Kuroo puts the popcorn near Tsukishima, taking a little handful for himself and putting it on the paper towel he brought.

They play a few levels together, Kuroo digging his heels into Tsukishima when he starts to fall behind.

“You’re cheating!” Tsukishima cries as Kuroo quite literally kicks Tsukishima’s ass.

There’s a tussle and the popcorn spills everywhere. Both of their characters fall off the stage, but they’re not paying attention to the screen anymore. They’re sliding off the bed a bit, scrambling for control.

Finally, they fall off the bed, Kuroo on his back hitting the floor with an “oof” as Tsukishima falls directly on top of him.

They make eye contact, breathing heavy, and then their lips are smashing together in the messiest, worst kiss of Kuroo’s life.

Clearly, Tsukishima has no idea what he’s doing, but at least he’s passionate. Kuroo grabs his face, guiding his jaw in a less aggressive manner, and Tsukishima calms down enough that the kiss starts to become enjoyable.

Kuroo softens his grip on Tsukishima’s face, leaving just one hand there while the other wraps around Tsukishima’s back and rubs gently between his shoulder blades.

Tsukishima’s hands grab at Kuroo’s waist, rubbing up and down along his sides.  

They break apart for a half second, and Kuroo takes in a ragged breath, before he’s sucking wet kisses against Tsukishima’s jaw.

Tsukishima lets out a small sound, not quite a moan or a whine, and it electrifies Kuroo.

They come back together again, breathing heavily into each other’s mouths for a moment until they get the rhythm of their kissing back.

Kuroo isn’t thinking about how this wasn’t the plan. He’s not thinking about how he doesn’t want a relationship.

Kuroo _is_ thinking about the sweet taste of Tsukishima’s tongue, and the way his lips feel pressed against his own. He’s thinking about the heat he can feel from Tsukishima’s hands tracing over Kuroo’s body, and the little jolt he feels in his stomach every time their mouths come back together.

“Is this okay?” Tsukishima asks breathlessly, pulling back.

Kuroo groans in response. A small voice in the back of his head tells him to say no, it’s not okay, they should stop because Kuroo isn’t ready to date yet.

But that voice is being effectively silenced by a much louder voice that’s telling him of course it’s okay, it’s perfect, how could it not be when it feels like this?

“Kuroo,” Tsukishima whispers, kissing him again this time more gently, almost delicate.

“Yes,” Kuroo sighs. They can talk later. Kissing is more important.

Long minutes pass, hands are under shirts, nails scratching lightly over heated skin.

There’s no rush, no urgency anymore. They alternate between light kisses and just taking each other in.

Kuroo thinks that if he could have this every day, he would be a very, very happy man.

Finally, lips swollen, they break apart, breathing heavily.

“You’re a really good kisser,” Tsukishima notes, pecking Kuroo’s mouth again.

“Thank you,” Kuroo grins.

As the make-out high fades, though, the grin falls and his mind kicks into overdrive.

He said he wasn’t ready to date. He _isn’t_. But then he had to go and screw everything up by making out with Tsukishima, and now…

“Kuroo?” Tsukishima asks. “Hey, you alright?”

“Huh?” Kuroo asks ineloquently.

“You look a little… constipated.”

Kuroo barks out a laugh. “I just… wasn’t expecting this to happen.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” Tsukishima says, climbing off of Kuroo’s lap. “I know you said you don’t want to date right now.”

So, what, they just kissed… for fun? Tsukishima kissed him, but not because he wanted to date? Is this… some kind of one-night stand? A casual hookup? Kuroo feels lost.

“So uh, we’re just friends, right?” Kuroo asks awkwardly.

“If that’s what you’d like, yeah.”

“I just… I mean, I told you, I’ve kinda been burned dating. Things haven’t really worked out. I don’t know that I’m ready to try again.”

“Then we’re just friends, and if you change your mind later, then we’ll decide later.”

Kuroo is struck by how mature Tsukishima is. Not that he was ever particularly _im_ mature, not like Hinata was (and arguably still is), but Kuroo remembers a certain level of antagonism that Tsukishima used to have that feels absent now.

He honestly means that they can just move on from this little make-out session, as friends, and not have it affect them.

“Since the kissing was so good, though, I have to ask. Friends with benefits on the table at all?” Tsukishima smirks.

“You mean like, just physical stuff, and also friends?”

“Yeah. We don’t have to jump straight into sex, either. I mean… I’d rather we didn’t, at least. But it would be great to have a make-out buddy. Ease some of the stress, you know?”

Kuroo thinks about it for a moment. He’s not particularly interested in sex, but the kissing was good, once Tsukishima figured things out. He’ll only get better with more practice, and he’s right: a little physical release would be nice.

“I’m willing to try that,” Kuroo decides.

“Cool. And just for the record, no PDA please. I’m extremely not interested in that.”

“No, that’s fine. PDA can be weird. Especially since we’re not dating, it might send the wrong message.”

“Agreed,” Tsukishima says. “Anyway, it’s getting late, so I should head back to my place.”

“Oh, sure,” Kuroo says, and they pick themselves up off the floor. Tsukishima helps him clean up the popcorn, tidying up the bed as well.

Kuroo walks Tsukishima to the door, where they linger for a moment.

Eventually, Tsukishima clears his throat. “So, can I kiss you goodbye, or is that too close to dating territory for you?”

“Um, no, that’s fine,” Kuroo shrugs.

“Cool,” Tsukishima says, and leans in to kiss him soundly on the mouth. It’s a short kiss, but it still feels nice.

“Gnight, Tsukki,” Kuroo says when they break apart.

“Gnight.”

 

***

 

Things go pretty well for the next couple of weeks. They hang out, just like always, except now Tsukishima will sometimes lean over and kiss him.

Kuroo always kisses back, but he hasn’t really initiated anything himself. He’s not sure where to draw the line—they’re friends, first and foremost, and he doesn’t want to overstep that. Instead, he lets Tsukishima take charge, which he seems all too happy to do.

Kuroo likes to think that he’s teaching Tsukishima a thing or two about kissing though: he is no less eager, but his movements are refined and deliberate now instead of random and too exuberant.

In a way, Kuroo still finds it kind of strange that they’re kissing but not dating. He understands the concept of friends with benefits: kissing someone you don’t have any romantic feelings for just because you want to kiss.

But the problem is, he kind of does have romantic feelings for Tsukishima. He just doesn’t want to label them as such, because he doesn’t want to date and get burned and wreck _another_ relationship.

(Not that his relationships with his exes are “wrecked”, it’s just that he hadn’t been ready for any of them to end, and then they _slightly_ blew up in his face. He doesn’t want to live through that again.)

So for now, he thinks it’s okay, but he’s cautious. He lets Tsukishima lead, and he doesn’t tell anyone about it. If he doesn’t talk about it, there’s no feelings, right?

Something tells him that’s going to backfire at some point, but what else is new?

 

***

 

The next time Kuroo sees Tsukishima, they’re in the library. Tsukishima is studying, headphones on, head nodding absently, highlighter in hand.

Kuroo smirks, and approaches Tsukishima from the back, and grabs his shoulders.

“Boo!”

Tsukishima flinches and makes a startled grunting noise.

“Shit, Kuroo,” he chides.

“Sorry, couldn’t resist. Mind if I study with you?”

“As long as you mean actually studying, and not distracting me, then be my guest.”

“I came here to get work done, too, so yes I mean actually studying. Though maybe we could hang out after?”

“Don’t you have practice?” Tsukishima asks.

“Nope, Coach gave us a rest day.”

“I think Yamaguchi wanted to go to a Korean barbeque place tonight.”

“Oh, well then some other time,” Kuroo says, and sets to taking out his reading assignment.

“You could come with us, I mean,” Tsukishima says.

“Yamaguchi wouldn’t mind me crashing your plans?”

“I’ll text him, but I’m sure it’s fine. We just hung out yesterday.”

“Well, if he doesn’t mind, I’d be glad to join you,” Kuroo says. He does want to spend time with Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi is fine too, but he’d be lying if he wasn’t hoping to test out the whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing.

It’ll have to wait.

After nearly two and half hours of studying, during which Kuroo says less than ten words to Tsukishima—perhaps a new record for him—Tsukishima finally decides he’s had enough.

“I quit.”

“Are you done studying or did you give up?” Kuroo smirks.

“I’ve been here two hours longer than you. I’m fucking done,” Tsukishima groans.

“Damn. Yeah, that’s fair.”

“Are you done?”

Kuroo shrugs. “I can be, if you’ve got a better offer. It’s early for dinner still, though.”

“Come over to my dorm.”

Kuroo raises his eyebrows. “What’cha got at your dorm?”

Tsukishima shoots him a look. “Wanna find out?”

“I hope it’s like, sixteenth century katana replicas or something,” Kuroo teases.

“I wish.”

They finish packing their school work up and walk over to Tsukishima’s dorm, chatting casually about the studying they had just done.

When they get there, though, it’s like a switch flips in Tsukishima.

“Put your stuff down and get on the bed,” he says as soon as the door is locked behind them.

“Damn, getting straight into it, aren’t we, Tsukki?”

“Shut up, Kuroo.”

This is what Kuroo had hoped for, anyway, so he doesn’t mind Tsukishima being a little bossy. It’s kind of cute; it might be hot if Kuroo knew Tsukishima had any experience to speak of.

Kuroo gets comfortable on the bed, fluffing the pillow under his head. Tsukishima climbs on top of him, straddling his hips in much the same way they had found themselves the first time. On the bed instead of the floor is a nice improvement, though.

Tsukishima takes his time; he runs his hands over Kuroo’s shoulders and chest, touches his face gently. Kuroo’s hands settle on Tsukishima’s hips, and he has to admit, it feels good to touch someone like this. It’s been a while, and he’s missed it.

Finally, Tsukishima leans down and nuzzles into Kuroo’s neck, not even kissing him, but just breathing him in. It’s gentle and intimate and Kuroo breathes deeply, slowly moving his hands up from Tsukishima’s hips to his back.

After a moment, Tsukishima starts to kiss at his neck and jaw, and Kuroo sighs at the feeling. He wants to kiss, too, though, so after a few more kisses, he cups Tsukishima’s jaw and directs his mouth to Kuroo’s, and at last, they’re kissing.

They move slow and lazy against each other, just learning the shape and feel of each other.

Kuroo sucks Tsukishima’s lower lip into his mouth, pulling gently. They slide apart with a pop, and Tsukishima takes off his glasses before returning to dip his tongue into Kuroo’s mouth.

They kiss like that, unhurried and sensual, for a long time; Kuroo doesn’t know about time passing anymore. There’s only the feeling of Tsukishima’s mouth, Tsukishima’s body, moving against his own.

He’s a little aroused, and he can tell that Tsukishima is too, but neither intends to do anything about it, so it doesn’t matter.

Tsukishima lets out a very soft little moan when Kuroo dips his tongue in this time, and as Kuroo moves to do it again, a buzzing sound goes off somewhere between them.

“That’s probably Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima says, pushing himself up so he’s sitting on Kuroo’s hips, fumbles for his phone in his pocket, and picks up the call.

“Yamaguchi?” he asks.

There’s a reply on the other side that Kuroo can’t quite hear. He drags his hand along Tsukishima’s thigh, smiling lazily. This was fun, he thinks. 

“Yeah, we’ll come meet you by the science hall,” Tsukishima says, and hangs up. “Time for dinner.”

“Mmm, okay,” Kuroo says contentedly.

Tsukishima gets off of him, putting his glasses back on, and Kuroo stretches out like a cat before he too gets off the bed.

He straightens his clothes out a bit, and runs a hand through his hair (though that’s more or less a lost cause at this point) and grins at Tsukishima.

“I could get used to this friends with benefits thing,” he says.

“Glad you liked it,” Tsukishima replies, grabbing his wallet and keys. “Ready?”

They walk to the science hall to pick up Yamaguchi, and then head off campus to the Korean barbeque place.

They make small talk about school and volleyball on the walk over. Kuroo worried he might feel like a third wheel with the two best friends, as he has in the past, but the conversation is easy and comfortable.

The restaurant isn’t too busy since it’s a Wednesday night, so they find a table right away. Kuroo sits first, and Tsukishima takes the seat beside him, with Yamaguchi across from Tsukishima.

When their food arrives, they tuck in hungrily, conversation falling to the wayside a bit.

After the initial burst of hunger is sated, though, Yamaguchi perks up.

“It’s good to see Tsukki dating again,” he says casually.

“Huh?” Kuroo says, blood draining from his face.

“Yamaguchi, I told you we’re not dating,” Tsukishima says quickly.

“But I thought you said—”

“Tadashi!” Tsukishima barks.

“Sorry, Tsukki!”

Kuroo is lost. Why would Yamaguchi think he and Tsukishima were dating? He guesses he can’t blame Tsukishima for telling his best friend about his new make-out buddy, but he still feels weird being talked about.

Especially if Tsukishima told Yamaguchi that they were actually together.

Kuroo resolves to ask when he and Tsukishima are alone next time.

The rest of dinner is a little uncomfortable, if Kuroo is honest, and he says he still has some work to do when Yamaguchi invites him over to play video games.

It’s not a lie, it’s just that normally Kuroo is the king of procrastination, and would take up just about any offer to game over homework.

But he’s back to feeling like an outsider, like Tsukishima and Yamaguchi know something he doesn’t, so he doesn’t want to hang out with them more. Not tonight.

They part ways, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi heading to Yamaguchi’s dorm, and Kuroo to his apartment.

Kuroo makes an honest effort to get his work done, but by ten thirty he’s burned out and decides to head to bed early.

He lies there in the dark, staring at his ceiling for a while. He tries to close his eyes, but they spring back open every time his brain replays the scene at the restaurant. 

 _It’s good to see Tsukki dating again_ , Yamaguchi had said.

Unless Tsukishima is seeing someone else—in which case, why would Yamaguchi bring it up in front of Kuroo?—that probably means that _somehow_ , Yamaguchi got the impression that Tsukishima and Kuroo are dating.

Which, okay, isn’t super far off, considering that they’re good friends who kiss, but that’s not what dating is! There’s romance and actual dates and _love_ , and that’s not what they’re doing.

It’s not.

But what if Kuroo _wants_ it to be what they’re doing?

Kuroo lets out a deep sigh and shakes his head at himself.

Isn’t this exactly what he wanted to avoid? Getting feelings mixed up in everything? Because no matter how good his intentions are, and no matter what his feelings are, he’s just going to get strung along for a few months and then ditched for someone better.

Sure, Tsukishima had said he wasn’t interested in Yamaguchi like that, but that didn’t mean some other person wasn’t going to show up and whisk Tsukishima away.

It didn’t matter what his feelings were for Tsukishima. Because at the end of the day, it wasn’t going to be Kuroo that Tsukishima ended up with.

 

***

 

Tsukishima texts him the next day with a gif of a cat trying to jump off a countertop and failing.

It makes him laugh, but it also gives him a warm feeling in his chest that Tsukishima had seen that gif and thought of him, and took the time to send it.

It’s becoming more and more obvious that Kuroo has made a mistake in this whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing: he can’t separate out his friendship from romantic feelings. Were there even romantic feelings before they started kissing? Maybe. There was an interest, at least.

Now though, it’s all swirled together in a way that’s impossible to tear apart. He should end this arrangement with Tsukishima and just be his friend.

If he can even manage just that.

Kuroo feels pathetic.

He pulls up his text conversations and debates who to bother with his feelings this time.

Tsukishima is out of the question of course, and Kuroo doesn’t think Daichi would be good for this, either.

He hovers between Bokuto and Kenma, before eventually deciding both of their perspectives might be helpful.

He texts them both asking to meet up for coffee and a pep talk. By the time he has to go to class, they’ve figured out a time and a place that works for all three of them, and Kuroo feels a little more at ease.

Now he just has to focus on his ethics lecture.

 

They meet up at four that afternoon, at a coffee shop just off campus. It has a quiet ambiance, perfect for a serious talk, and the pastries aren’t bad, either.

Bokuto is already there when Kuroo arrives, waving from the table he’s staked out.

“Hey, buddy! Good to see you,” Bokuto says in greeting.

“Yeah, you too,” Kuroo replies. “I’m gonna go grab a tea, maybe a melon pan.”

“Sure! Kenma just texted; said he’s on his way.”

“Alright. Guess I should get him a hot chocolate.”

“You’re gonna buy Kenma’s drink but not mine?” Bokuto asks, faking hurt.

“I got you next time, bro,” Kuroo smiles.

He goes to the counter to order, and by the time he has both drinks and the snack, Kenma is walking through the door.

They all settle in at the table, and Kuroo takes a bite of his melon pan before realizing that Kenma and Bokuto are both staring at him expectantly.

“Right,” he mutters. “You’re ah, probably wondering why I asked you to meet up.”

“You doin’ okay?” Bokuto asks. “Mental health alright and everything?”

“Yeah, mental health has been alright,” he says heavily. “It’s… it’s about Tsukishima.”

“Is _he_ doing okay?” Kenma asks.

“Yeah, I think so. Um, it’s, okay, let me start from the beginning.

“So you know that I ran into Tsukishima a few months ago, at the beginning of the school year, and how we started texting and hanging out. Well… Like three? Maybe four? Weeks ago, we _soooort of_ ended up… making out.”

“Get it Kuroo!” Bokuto interjects.

Kuroo glares at him, and Bokuto shrinks a little.

“Anyway, I told him I wasn’t interested in dating, because I didn’t want to get hurt again—no offense to you guys—and he was like, ‘yeah, I totally get it.’ Except then he _also_ said that he liked kissing me, and would I want to be friends with benefits with him instead.”

“Kuro, please tell me you didn’t,” Kenma says quietly.

“I’m afraid I did,” Kuroo says. “And it was _so nice_ , the first couple weeks! Like, we were literally just friends who, you know, occasionally made out with each other. Didn’t go further than that, for the record.”

“So what changed?” Bokuto presses.

Kuroo takes a long sip from his tea, eyes downcast.

“You know what changed,” he says at last. “I fucking caught feelings for him, and now I don’t know what to do.”

“Is Tsukishima interested in dating you?” Kenma asks.

“Maybe? I mean, he tried to ask me out once, but I told him I wasn’t interested in dating, you know? I just don’t know if he’s still interested. And I’m not sure if it really matters. I don’t think we should date.”

“Why not?” Bokuto asks.

“Because… okay, so I’m gonna say something and I need you to not take it personally, alright?”

Both his friends nod, so Kuroo presses forward.

“I just don’t feel like I’m good enough to be someone’s boyfriend. I mean, look at my track record: it’s always me who gets dumped for not being good enough. Someone better always comes along and I get dumped. So if I date Tsukishima, it’s… he’s just gonna find someone better and ditch me, like everyone else. It’s not worth the heartache.”

“Kuroo, my man, my best friend, my bro. That is _not_ why I broke up with you, and I don’t think it’s why Kenma did, either,” Bokuto says earnestly, and Kenma nods along to confirm the truth of his words. “We were always meant to be bros, okay? Dating is a very specific relationship, one that requires a particular feeling for all parties involved, and sometimes, no matter how much two people love each other, it’s not the right kind of love.

“I love you, Kuroo, and I always will. I loved you when we were dating, too. It just wasn’t the right kind of love to make a romantic relationship work. It had nothing to do with you being ‘good enough’ or worthy or deserving. It just meant that I loved Akaashi in a different way, and so it wasn’t fair to continue a romantic relationship with you.”

“But what if no one ever loves me like that?” Kuroo whispers.

“Kuro, you’re young. Give it time. There’s too many people in this world for you to have already given up,” Kenma scolds lightly. “Bokuto is right. Dating is hard because just loving someone isn’t always enough.”

Kuroo makes a frowny face and takes another bite of his melon pan.

Kenma worries his mouth a little, before deciding what he’s going to say next. “You give your heart and your feelings so easily, so when someone tells you they don’t love you _like that_ it hurts. Because you throw yourself in headfirst every time. Maybe just… try to hold yourself back, a little; take things slowly with Tsukishima. Explore carefully, without just throwing everything into it at once.”

“I don’t know how to do that!” Kuroo exclaims. “Like, I have these stupid fluttery feelings in my stomach when he laughs; when he kisses me, my chest feels so warm and tight that I want to cry. I’m already in too deep!”

“First off, that’s adorable,” Bokuto says with a smile. “Secondly, though, that doesn’t mean you’re like, desperately in love with him. It means you have a crush. So treat it like one. Explore what it is that makes you feel that way, but also—and this is the important part—look for signs of him feeling the same way about you. Does he blush? Does he smile? Well, I don’t know that Tsukishima really _smiles_ , but—”

“Yeah, he does,” Kuroo says with a dopey grin on his face. “It’s beautiful.”

“Alright, pull back, Mr Lovestruck,” Kenma deadpans.

“Guhhhh,” Kuroo complains, laying his forehead down on the table. When he sits back up, a familiar face catches his eye.

Daichi is walking over, coffee in hand. “Hey, Kuroo,” Daichi greets.

“Hey, Daichi. Wanna join us? It’ll be a little party of all my exes, teasing me about how shit I am at romance.”

“That’s not what we’re doing!” Bokuto says quickly.

“Uh, I can leave, if you—”

“No, stay. It’s fine. Sorry for not inviting you in the first place, I guess. I dunno, I didn’t… I didn’t think you’d want to hear about this.”

Truthfully, Kuroo hadn’t invited Daichi because he had been the toughest break up for Kuroo. He had been the one to most strongly make him feel like he wasn’t enough, because he didn’t want the PDA and the openness that Daichi had wanted. Daichi had been the one to make him feel the most inadequate.

“If you’re sure you don’t mind,” Daichi says, settling into the open seat. “What’s going on?”

Kuroo just groans, so Kenma decides to fill in Daichi for him. “Kuroo has a crush on his ‘friend with benefits’, and he’s afraid of pursuing it because he thinks it’s just going to end like his other relationships.”

“Don’t you have any friends who _aren’t_ your exes you could talk to?” Daichi asks.

Kuroo groans again.

“Okay, what about looking at it this way: even when things didn’t work out, you’re still close friends with everyone you’ve dated!” Daichi says.

“Yeah, but I want… I don’t know what I want,” Kuroo says. “I want a boyfriend, I guess? I just feel like this whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing is some dirty secret. Like, at one point in my life, I thought that dating was just friends who kiss. But I’ve grown from that, I want something _more_ from that…”

“So talk to him,” Kenma says. “Friends with benefits isn’t for everyone.”

Bokuto and Daichi both nod in agreement.

“But if I tell him that, I won’t get to kiss him anymore! And shit, I really like kissing him.”

“So tell him you have feelings for him?” Daichi suggests.

“But he’s just gonna get tired of me!”

“You don’t _know_ that,” Bokuto insists. “And besides, none of us ‘got tired of you’, we’re all right here, helping you through your latest rough spot. We all still care about you, even though we’re not dating anymore.”

“Exactly,” Daichi says. “And even in non-romantic relationships, communication is important. So telling him that you have feelings will just put everything out in the open, and you two can decide together where to go next.”

“Ugh, Tsukki’s gonna kill me,” Kuroo groans.

“Wait, Tsukki? Tsukishima? Like, _my_ Tsukishima?” Daichi laughs. “I didn’t even know he was at this school.”

Kuroo groans again, and Kenma pats Kuroo’s back in a consolatory gesture, ignoring Daichi. “Tsukishima’s not going to kill you. He’s a reasonable person, and he’ll appreciate you being honest.”

“Besides, it’s clear that you’re not happy with your current relationship with him,” Bokuto adds.

“I _am_ happy, though. Like, if I have to choose between normal friends and this, I choose this.”

“But you’re not happy like this,” Kenma says, confused.

“Have you ever talked about dating with Tsukishima?” Daichi asks.

“Yeah, once or twice, at the very beginning. He actually asked me out, and I turned him down. But it’s different now,” Kuroo says.

“Okay, so it sounds like he’s probably open to revisiting it?” Daichi guesses.

“Look, you’ll never know until you just _talk to him_ ,” Kenma says. “Tell him you like what you’re doing now, but you have feelings and want to know if he does too.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It _is_ easy, bro. I know you can do this. You had no problem talking about stuff with me,” Bokuto says.

“That was different,” Kuroo says. “We were already best bros when we started dating. Same with you, Kenma. We were such close friends that it didn’t feel like… scary.”

“What about with me?” Daichi asks. “I mean, yes, we were friends first, but not as close.”

“I don’t know! This just… feels different.”

“Why?”

Kuroo gets quiet. “It’s… never felt like this before,” he whispers.

Kenma raises an eyebrow at the statement, but refrains from saying anything.

Bokuto, however, has no such restraint. “Oyaoyaoya?”

“Bokuto, shut up,” Daichi hisses. “He’s having a moment.”

They let Kuroo stew in his thoughts for a moment, before Kenma speaks up.

“You know what you need to do, Kuro,” he says gently but firmly.

“I… Yeah.”

“Good luck, bro,” Bokuto says.

Kuroo stands up from the table. “I’m… I’m gonna go call him. See if we can meet up. I can’t handle waiting any more, now that I’ve decided what to do.”

“You’ll be fine,” Daichi assures him.

Kuroo smiles. “Thanks, all of you.”

He heads for the door, pulling out his phone, and shoots a text to Tsukishima: _You busy? I wanna see you._

He probably should have said “we need to talk”, but that sounds too much like break up words, and that’s the last thing he wants. Besides, it totally wouldn’t hurt to get one last make out in before this possibly blows up in his face.

He _really_ hopes it doesn’t blow up in his face.

When he gets to his apartment, he still hasn’t heard from Tsukishima, so maybe he’s busy. Nervously, Kuroo starts to clean up his already fairly tidy home: a coffee mug here, some bread crumbs there; he gets a broom out and sweeps over the tile floors, actually bothers to make his bed.

Finally, while Kuroo is cleaning the bathroom, he gets a text from Tsukishima.

_Just got out of a group project meeting. Kill me._

Kuroo smirks. _Come over?_ He asks.

_Give me 20._

Okay, Kuroo can wait twenty minutes. That’s nothing. He can finish cleaning the bathroom, wash the disinfectant smell off his hands, change clothes… it’s perfect.

Only he does all that in twelve minutes, and so has at least eight more minutes to sit and wait for Tsukishima.

He flops down into the beanbag chair he uses for gaming, and stares at the ceiling.

Normally, he’d be scripting out how this conversation was going to go, but this time Kuroo doesn’t think he needs a script.

Tsukishima will get to his apartment, they’ll make out for a while, and while they’re snuggling in the afterglow, Kuroo will simply ask if Tsukishima is interested in dating still. Either Tsukishima says yes, and they make out some more, or Tsukishima says no and leaves, and Kuroo cries like a baby about it.

It’s very simple.

Nine minutes pass, and still no Tsukishima. Kuroo’s brain starts to whir into hyperdrive.

What if Tsukishima doesn’t want to make out when he gets here? What if he can’t stay? What if he needs to do homework instead, and the chance for their conversation never comes up? What if they—

A knock at the door.

Kuroo scrambles ungracefully up from the beanbag chair, and jogs to the door. Ridiculously, he runs a hand through his hair to try to smooth it down, though he’s certain it doesn’t accomplish much.

He opens the door.

“Tsukki!” he smiles.

“God, am I glad to see you,” Tsukishima says, dropping his backpack and taking off his shoes immediately.

“I’m happy to see you, too. Group work went okay?” Kuroo asks, knowing the answer is probably a negative.

“I hate people,” Tsukishima grumbles. “Can we just make out and pretend this project doesn’t exist?”

“That sounds perfect,” Kuroo says, grabbing Tsukishima by the hand. “Couch or bed?”

“Mm, bed. It has blankets, and I’m cold.”

“Aww, I’ll warm you right up, Tsukki,” Kuroo says playfully.

“I’m counting on it,” Tsukishima replies.

For whatever reason, Tsukishima does _not_ like to be on the bottom when they lay on each other, so Kuroo gets on the bed first, laying casually enough that Tsukishima can move him around however he wants to get comfortable.

Tsukishima flops down on top of Kuroo, wriggling his hips to get situated the way he wants, and pulls the blankets over them both.

“Comfy?” Kuroo asks once the wriggling stops.

“Mm,” Tsukishima replies, and closes the distance between their faces.

There’s a little thrill that courses through Kuroo’s body at the contact; even though they’ve been at this almost two months, the touch still feels novel. 

It’s only been a few days since they last kissed, but they kiss like they’ve been apart for ages. Kuroo wastes no time in prying open Tsukishima’s mouth, thrusting his tongue inside to slide against Tsukishima’s.

They’re not normally so aggressive, but Tsukishima seems to need to blow off steam from his miserable group project meeting, and Kuroo is worried this could be their last time, depending on how Tsukishima reacts to the talk.

Pushing away those thoughts, Kuroo concentrates on the feeling of Tsukishima on top of him: the comfort of his weight, the cool touch of his skin despite what they’re doing; the firm feel of his lips against Kuroo’s own, the slick slide of tongues.

Tsukishima nibbles on Kuroo’s lip, and Kuroo grins as Tsukishima pulls back and finally lets go with a pop. He repeats the action once more, tugging just a little harder, and Kuroo lifts his head off the pillow to follow Tsukishima.

Not to be outdone, Kuroo slides a hand behind Tsukishima’s head, pulling them back in tight against each other, and he sucks Tsukishima’s tongue into his mouth. Tsukishima moans, taking them both by surprise.

Kuroo is definitely starting to feel a little something in his pants, and it seems like Tsukishima is, too, given the definite press of something solid against Kuroo’s hip.

Kuroo pushes up against Tsukishima, enough that he can take his shirt off. Under the blankets and Tsukishima, he’s way too warm. He runs his hands down Tsukishima’s back, then back up it, but under his shirt. Tsukishima lets out a low noise, almost like a purr, which Kuroo takes as consent to take off his shirt.

Tsukishima takes off his glasses, too, leaning over to put them on the bedside table. He returns to Kuroo’s mouth as fast as he can, though, kissing him hard and deep.

Tsukishima’s hands run over Kuroo’s chest, catching a nipple in their exploration. Kuroo sucks in a surprised breath; it’s been a while since someone has done that. Kuroo can feel Tsukishima’s grin against his mouth, and then those long fingers are brushing his nipples on purpose.

It feels good, so Kuroo lets out a little noise of pleasure, which seems to just make Tsukishima kiss him _harder_.

They slow their pace a little to a slow, deep, passionate embrace; Tsukishima is moving his hips _slightly_ against Kuroo’s, and he’s not sure if it’s intentional or not. He’s not bothered by it, but they’ve never done anything beyond making out before.

Should he say something?

Tsukishima gives another roll of his hips, and yeah, that’s definitely on purpose.

“This okay?” Tsukishima asks, breathing heavily.

“Yeah,” Kuroo says enthusiastically.

Kuroo doesn’t know how much longer they’re kissing and grinding for, but it feels amazing and he never wants it to stop. He can’t stop thinking about how it’s just never felt like this before in his past relationships; there’s something _different_ about the way Tsukishima feels, the way he just _is_.

Long minutes pass, and Kuroo’s whole world is just the feeling of Tsukishima’s mouth on his own, Tsukishima’s hands on Kuroo’s chest and hips and stomach and wherever he decides he wants to touch, Tsukishima’s hips pressing into his own, moving so slowly that it’s almost torturous.

Finally, Tsukishima breaks away from Kuroo’s mouth, practically gasping for air, before he moves to Kuroo’s jaw, leaving a trail of wet kisses down to his neck.

As Tsukishima gives a particularly hard suck to Kuroo’s neck, he grinds his hips in hard.

“Fuck, I love you,” Kuroo gasps, grinding back.

And freezes.

Tsukishima pulled back from the no doubt obnoxious hickey he was making to look Kuroo in the eye.

“I mean, uh…” Kuroo scrambles.

“Did you mean it?” Tsukishima asks, voice completely neutral and Kuroo can’t tell if he’s pissed or what.

“I didn’t mean to _say_ it,” Kuroo says quickly.

“But did you mean it?” Tsukishima repeats.

Kuroo closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath.

“Yeah,” he says quietly.

“Oh thank god,” Tsukishima says, and he captures Kuroo’s mouth again in a sloppy kiss.

“Mmf?” Kuroo says, and pushes Tsukishima back. “Wait, wait. What? That’s… we’re not supposed to _be_ anything, we’re friends with benefits! I’m like, 98% sure you don’t say ‘I love you’ to your FWB.”

“I’m like, 98% sure that I don’t give a shit about that,” Tsukishima says with an eyeroll. “We can do whatever we want.”

“I um, actually wanted to kind of talk about that? About this. With you. I was gonna bring it up after our uh, make out session.”

“Okay,” Tsukishima says. “What did you want to talk about?”

Kuroo clears his throat, and rolls over onto his side, so they’re facing each other instead of Tsukishima being on top.

“I wanted to tell you that, um, I have feelings for you, and I don’t think friends with benefits is working for me.”

“I see,” Tsukishima says. “What would you like to be instead?”

“Before all this started, you tried to ask me out,” Kuroo says, because he needs to get this out. “I said no, because… I was afraid I wasn’t good enough for you. That I’m not good enough for anyone. That if I said yes, you’d just ditch me in a couple months for someone better.”

“Kuroo—Testurou, can I call you that?” Kuroo nods, and Tsukishima continues. “Tetsurou, I’m not the best at talking about feelings, but I want you to know, in no uncertain terms, you are more than enough. Hearing you say that you love me, that you have feelings for me… I’ve wanted that for a long time.

“I rather selfishly suggested friends with benefits, because I thought that maybe I could somehow show you that I feel… so much, for you; I thought you might come around to dating, if _I_ was good enough.”

Kuroo is quiet for a moment, trying to process what he’s just heard. “Tsukki, you’re… you’re amazing. Thank you for being patient with me,” he says with a smile. “I just… you actually want to date me?”

“Yes, Tetsurou; I thought that was obvious?”

“It is _now_ ,” Kuroo says. “So, um, let’s… date?”

“I’d love to.”

 

***

Kuroo is pretty sure he’s never talked about his feelings this much to another human being _ever_ , but he’s not complaining.

Their first date feels less like a date and more like a negotiation, but that’s probably a good thing. They’re at a family restaurant, dressed casually, since Kuroo just got out of practice and Tsukishima spent the afternoon preparing for a test next week.

“Before we get too involved, especially given what you’ve told me about your dating history, I just think we should make sure we’re on the same page,” Tsukishima says matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, for sure,” Kuroo agrees. “Do you want me to say something, or did you have a plan?”

“Here’s where I stand: by loose definitions, I’ve dated two people. One was Yamaguchi in high school, for a little shy of a year. The other was… not serious and lasted only three weeks. I’ve decided I’m not bi.”

Kuroo smirks, but doesn’t comment.

“Anyway,” Tsukishima continues, “I’m comfortable with casual PDA, such as hand holding, cheek or forehead kisses, and brief hugs. Anything else is personal and I don’t want other people to see it.

“I think spending a bunch of money just to say you went out is ridiculous, and prefer ‘dates’ that are just spending time together, doing whatever. Yes, I have considered, in certain conditions, volleyball to be a date. I also consider marathoning Buffy the Vampire Slayer curled up in blankets in bed to be a date. It’s whatever.

“Finally, I’d like to proceed slowly but optimistically on the physical front. I have no experience past one _very_ uncomfortable handjob, and I’m not in any hurry to revisit it, but it’s on the table.”

Tsukishima stops to take a sip of his water. “Your turn.”

“Damn, yeah, okay. I mean, everything you said sounded good. Keep it light on the PDA, we go out when we want but no pressure to go out just because, and keep things on the level as far as uh, sexual stuff goes. I mean, I have more experience than you it seems, but I’m totally fine with waiting until you’re ready. I’m not that interested in sex anyway, and It’s only good when everyone’s comfortable.”

“Cool,” Tsukishima says, doing a decent job of hiding the relief, but Kuroo still notices.

They spend the rest of their meal exchanging stories of their best and worst dates, which somehow devolves into best and worst movies, which of course comes down to an argument over whether or not the kaiju from Pacific Rim qualify as dinosaurs. 

Surprisingly, it’s Tsukishima who is adamant that they _are_.

“They meet the criteria!” he exclaims, nearly slamming his fist into the strawberry cake they’re sharing for dessert.

“There’s no way they’re the same taxonomical genus as dinosaurs,” Kuroo contests.

“There’s still so much we don’t know,” Tsukishima says smoothly, recovering from his outburst. “Who’s to say—”

“Me! I’m to say,” Kuroo laughs.

The waitress returns and gives them their check, and both of them reach for it at the same time. A brief tug of war ensues, which Tsukishima wins.

“Come on, Tsukki. Let me pay,” Kuroo tries.

“Nope. You lost the battle for dominance, I’m paying. Better luck next time.”

Kuroo continues to grumble, but lets Tsukishima take out his wallet and pull bills from it.  

He’ll definitely pay next time.

They leave the restaurant, and Kuroo lets his hand brush against Tsukishima’s, trying to gauge if they’ll hold hands or not.

The fourth time their hands brush, Tsukishima stops walking. “Jesus, just hold my hand already,” he complains.

“Fine, I will,” Kuroo quips back, grabbing Tsukishima’s hand decisively. Their hands fit nicely, fingers lacing as naturally as breathing.

They walk back to campus at a leisurely pace, considering how long their legs are.

At Tsukishima’s dorm, they pause. Is Kuroo coming in?

“Sorry tonight was so like, serious or whatever,” Tsukishima says, leaning back against his door. “I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.”

“No, it was fine. It was a good idea, I’m glad we talked first. No miscommunication, you know?”

Kuroo steps in close to Tsukishima, not quite pressing into him. He holds him by the hips, trying to imply that he’s down for a good make out session if Tsukishima is. Tsukishima just arches an eyebrow at him.

“Speaking of communication,” Kuroo says. “Would you like to make out a little before I have to go?”

Tsukishima smirks. “Just a little bit.”

He turns and unlocks the door, letting Kuroo inside.

“Hey man, what’s up?” someone asks.

Tsukishima’s roommate is home.

The smile falls off Kuroo’s face.

“Kojima, you’re back,” Tsukishima says stiffly.

“Yeah, my professor sent out an email with a random new assignment that’s due in two days because he’s an ass. So I’m back to work on it.”

“I see.”

“You a friend of Tsukishima-kun’s?” Kojima asks, looking at Kuroo expectantly.

Suddenly Kuroo is nervous. Is Tsukishima out to his roommate? Does he want his roommate to know he’s dating someone? What does Kuroo say?

He goes for the most neutral thing he can think of. “Kuroo Tetsurou, nice to meet you. Kojima-kun, was it?”

“Kojima Kazuki.” They nod politely. The silence starts to get awkward.

“Right, well I should--” Kuroo starts.

“Tetsurou’s my boyfriend,” Tsukishima blurts uncharacteristically.

Kuroo coughs lightly.

“Oh?” Kojima says. “Um, that’s cool. So you’re like, gay? Which is totally fine! I’m not judging! It’s cool!”

“Right,” Tsukishima says dryly.

“I should get going,” Kuroo says quickly, eyes darting between Tsukishima and Kojima. He leans slightly toward Tsukishima, hoping to go for a cheek kiss.

Tsukishima cups Kuroo’s jaw with his hand, though, and directs him to his lips for a quick peck.

“Bye, Tetsurou,” he says quietly.

“Bye, Kei,” Kuroo says even quieter. He’s not even sure the sounds come out of his mouth.

He heads for the door, walks down the hall, gets to the stairwell and slumps down on the top step.

His phone buzzes aggressively in his pocket. It’s from Tsukishima.

_Sorry, I know we said just cheeks, but I wanted to rub it in Kojima’s face a little bit._

Kuroo laughs.

_It’s fine. Ok that I called u Kei?_

Kuroo waits on the step for the reply.

_Of course. That’s my name, whereas your preferred “Tsukki” is not. Stick to Kei._

That suits Kuroo just fine. Convinced that their relationship, young as it is, is off to a good start, Kuroo hauls himself off the step and heads home.

 

***

 

The next few weeks go surprisingly smoothly. Bokuto, Kenma, and Daichi are all pleased to hear that things worked out rather well.

Kuroo and Tsukishima hang out, make out, text, and laugh just like before, but there’s a hint of something else there now, too.

They don’t revisit the blurted “I love you” that Kuroo let slip, but Kuroo definitely thinks about it.

He thinks about it when they kiss, when he gets a good morning text from Tsukishima, when Tsukishima laughs, when Tsukishima delivers a particularly witty quip or petty insult.

Kuroo Testurou is a fool in love.

The first time he hangs out with Yamaguchi since he and Tsukishima started dating starts off… uncomfortably.

They’re at a fast food restaurant, getting shakes. Kuroo is seated next to Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi is sat across from them, smiling expectantly.

“So?” he asks, like that makes any sense.

“So what, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima says.

“How are _things_?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Ugh,” Tsukishima scoffs.

Kuroo playfully elbows Tsukishima. “Things are good.”

“I’m glad you guys figured things out,” Yamaguchi says happily, slurping on his shake. “Tsukki really likes you.”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima says, more meaningfully than his usual reflex.

“It’s true! Before you started officially dating you kept whining about how great Kuroo was and how you were upset that he wasn’t interested in dating! You even said— _ow,_ Tsukki!”

Kuroo surmises that Tsukishima had kicked Yamaguchi under the table. Tsukishima innocently clears his throat.

“Yeah, well… See how long I lasted against this beauty,” Kuroo says.

Tsukishima turns red.

Yamaguchi guffaws. “Oh, this is too good. You guys are great together.”

“I’m leaving,” Tsukishima says.

“No!” Kuroo cries through his laughter, grabbing Tsukishima’s wrist. “We’ll stop teasing, please stay.”

 “You better,” Tsukishima grumbles, sitting back down.

The conversation shifts to some party that Yamaguchi went to with Yachi, who turned out to be quite the party animal and had asked Yamaguchi to chaperone her to “stop her from throwing herself at pretty girls.”

“God, who knew volleyball made everyone gay,” Kuroo laughs.

“Not true,” Tsukishima corrects. “I know several bi and pan volleyball players.”

“And I’m aro,” Yamaguchi adds.

“Okay, so it makes you not straight,” Kuroo amends.

There’s a silence. Then he adds, “I bet Daishou is straight.”

Yamaguchi snorts out a laugh.

“You have got to let go of your weird rivalry with that guy,” Tsukishima says.

“Never,” Kuroo laughs.

Tsukishima shakes his head in defeat, but he takes Kuroo’s hand under the table.

Kuroo could get used to this.

 

***

 

Due to busy schedules, miscommunication, and the general difficulty of organizing five people’s free time, it takes almost three months for Kuroo to hang out Bokuto, Kenma, Daichi, and Tsukishima at the same time.

It is, to say the least, a mess.

They’re at Kuroo’s apartment for a movie night, because they’re broke college kids and Tsukishima is still underage, anyway.

The first problem is that none of them can agree on a movie.

“Why don’t we just watch Pacific Rim?” Kuroo suggests over the din of the “discussion” that is quickly escalating between Tsukishima and Bokuto.

Kenma is sitting off to the side, head in his hands. Daichi looks… uncomfortable. Kuroo isn’t sure why, but he’s sitting straight up, hands clutching his knees so hard his knuckles are turning white.

Taking a moment to actually listen to what Tsukishima and Bokuto are talking about, he realizes they’re not even talking about movies anymore.

They’re talking about Kuroo.

“Bet you don’t know why he chose a philosophy major!” Bokuto taunts.

“Oh yes I do! It’s because he read Immanuel Kant in his first-year seminar and thought it was such shit that he wanted to disprove him!” Tsukishima shoots right back.

“Fine! I _guess_ you know him pretty well! But do you know how he discovered he was gay?”

“Heath from X-Japan! That’s too easy, Bokuto-san!” Tsukishima laughs.

“Uh, guys? What, ah, what’s going on?” Kuroo asks, stepping between them.

They both freeze.

“Just giving Tsukishima here the test of approval,” Bokuto says. “As the best bro, it’s my duty to—”

“Kenma is Kuroo’s best friend—“ Tsukishima interrupts.  

“Yes, but I said I’m the best _bro_ , it’s different, and you would know that if you really knew Kuroo—”

“Shut up! Both of you! Holy shit!” Kuroo cries out.

Bokuto and Tsukishima regard each other seriously for a few seconds, then erupt into laughter, as though their near throw down over who knows Kuroo best was some grand act.

“So, Pacific Rim?” Kenma says when it’s quiet again.

“Christ,” Daichi mutters.

“Yeah, Pacific Rim. Kenma, can you get it started? Daichi, come help me with snacks and drinks, yeah?” Kuroo prompts.

When they get to the kitchen, only partially closed off from the other room, Kuroo leans in to talk to Daichi in a low voice. “Hey man, you okay? I know that was a little wild, but you look… uncomfortable. Do you not want to be here? I can totally make up an excuse for you if you wanna jet.”

“No, it’s just… I dunno, it’s weird that you’re dating my old kouhai? And that he’s changed so much from how I knew him. I mean, we didn’t really keep in touch, so I still remember him as this kinda pissy first year, but he’s totally not that anymore, and I don’t know how to act around him, because he probably only remembers me as his captain, and I just… I don’t know. It’s weird.”

“Just say the word and you can totally ditch out, no hard feelings,” Kuroo reminds him. “I only barely kept in contact with him past his first year, so I kind of get it, but I’ve also been re-getting to know him for a few months. He’s definitely changed, but that little fight or outburst or whatever with Bokuto just now aside, he’s really grown. He’s kind of amazing, you know?”

“‘Amazing?’ Wow, you really do have it bad for him,” Daichi laughs weakly.  

“Yeah,” Kuroo says wistfully. “Now, you staying or not? Because I really could use a hand with the drinks. Can you grab soda from the fridge while I get snacks?”

“Yeah, I’ll stay. Just don’t make me sit next to him. Or Bokuto. Can I sit with Kenma?”

“If he lets you, sure,” Kuroo chuckles.

They gather the snacks and drinks, and pleasantly enough the other three friends are sitting peacefully around the room, the DVD ready to go on the main menu screen.

The rest of the evening goes well, the group laughing and getting along just fine. Bokuto throws in a couple more light-hearted jabs at Tsukishima, who fields them easily and jabs right back.

Kuroo’s landlord is a penny-pincher and so only keeps the heat at the minimum required by law, so by the end of the night, the five of them end up huddled under three different blankets, piled on one another on the couch.

It feels good to be surrounded by people Kuroo loves. True, he’s only dating one of them now, but he knows that he really does love all of his friends, just in different ways.

It wasn’t always the right kind of love for the relationship he was trying to have, but Kuroo thinks that maybe this time, he’s got it figured out: the right love for the right people for the right relationships.

Maybe this time, it’s meant to be.

 

~~Heartbreak: 3~~

Kuroo: ∞

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short epilogue to come soon ! (i'm trying to finish it today, actually, so you might get a double update? we'll see) Thanks again for your patience and for continuing to read my work !!


	5. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Schmoopy epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, the schmoop-tastic epilogue! It's super short, but I just wanted to show a little more of their relationship as it develops!

Today’s the day.

Kuroo is finally graduating from college.

He has a degree in philosophy, and an exciting job at a bookstore lined up. (He’ll save up for a few years, go back to school for a Master’s, go from there. He really does want to be a professor one day.)

He has a wonderful, loving boyfriend.

And he has a second copy of his apartment key that he’s going to give to said boyfriend when he asks him to move in with him.

They’ve been dating all year, and at this point, asking Tsukishima to move in with him is mostly just a formality.

Tsukishima stays over at Kuroo’s apartment more often than not these days; they both seem to sleep better in each other’s company.

Plus, Tsukishima is helping Kuroo be less shitty at cooking, and with the added scrutiny, Kuroo even tidies up and cleans his apartment more frequently. There are vegetables in the fridge, and Kuroo can remember the last time he vacuumed, because it was only last week.

God, is he like, becoming an adult or something? Terrifying.

Anyway, after the ceremony today, Kuroo is going to go out to dinner with his family, his boyfriend, and Kenma, who is basically his family at this point.

And when they all split up, he’s going to ask Tsukishima to move in with him, officially.

 

They go out to a fancy restaurant at Kuroo’s parents’ insistence, and are told to order anything they want.

Kuroo feels a little guilty, offering to at least pay for Tsukishima and Kenma’s meals, but his parents aren’t having any of it.

“Kenma has been family for years, and Tsukishima is practically family now, too. I insist,” his father says.

Kuroo, Kenma, and Tsukishima offer their thanks again for the meal.

Sensing the end of the evening together, Kuroo starts to get antsy, but in a good way.

He knows Tsukishima will say yes, might even say he’s stupid for even having to ask, but he can’t wait for them to _officially_ live together.

They take the train back, and as they’re walking from the stop to Kuroo’s apartment, hand in hand, Tsukishima leans his head on Kuroo’s shoulder.

“I haven’t said it yet, but I’m really proud of you,” Tsukishima says. “Not that I ever doubted you would graduate, it’s just, this is a big achievement. A milestone in your life. I’m proud of you for getting there.”

Kuroo can’t help but smile fondly. When Tsukishima is emotional—rare though that may be—he is always incredibly direct and earnest. Kuroo loves that about him.

He can honestly say that they’ve never had a major miscommunication, either. Whenever they’ve disagreed on something, Tsukishima would lay out all the facts, state his emotions, and what actions he saw fit based on those emotions and facts.

It always encourages Kuroo to be open, too: he isn’t afraid of bringing up the way something makes him feel and speaking candidly about it. It had taken some practice, but he feels like Tsukishima is maybe the only person he feels so at ease speaking to about his feelings. With Kenma, he sometimes filters things out that he thinks might be upsetting or overwhelming for Kenma; with Bokuto he fears getting too emotional because Bokuto is perhaps _too_ empathetic. Daichi and he aren’t close like that anymore, and rarely if ever discuss their feelings with each other, though Kuroo is sure he could if he needed to.

Tsukishima has given him that confidence.

So now, walking to his apartment—walking _home_ —together, Kuroo feels confident, happy, and yeah, he’s proud of his accomplishments too.

“Thanks, Kei,” Kuroo says quietly. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

That had been another surprise for Kuroo: how easily and willingly Tsukishima gives him his love. After the first time Kuroo had blurted it, they had both been a little apprehensive about being the next one to say it.

Finally, Tsukishima had decided the tension was ridiculous and brought it up.  

“I know it was kind of awkward the first time you said it, but I think we should just forget about that. The awkwardness, I mean. Forget the awkwardness, and just say it. We both know it’s true. I love you, Tetsurou.”

Kuroo had been shocked by the frankness, but now he knows to expect it, and he welcomes it. At first it had felt stilted, but now he realizes he just never learned to express his emotions in a straightforward way.

He had earnestly replied that he loved Tsukishima too, and after that, they just said it whenever they felt like it, context or no.

(At the grocery store, on the train, in the middle of a late night skype call… whenever.)

As they get close to Kuroo’s apartment, Kuroo slows them down.

“Kei, I have something I want to ask you,” he says evenly, but he’s so excited that his voice is a little higher than usual.

“Go ahead,” Tsukishima asks, and Kuroo can hear the smile in his voice.

“I know you spend a lot of time at my place already, but I want to make it official. Tsukishima Kei, will you move in with me?” Kuroo asks, and procures the extra key he had made, now attached to a small dinosaur keychain.

“Of course, Tetsurou,” Tsukishima smiles, taking the key. He squeezes Kuroo’s hand, and leans in to peck him on the cheek. “Good timing, too, because I’m already mostly packed to move out of my dorm next week.”

“I know,” Kuroo says. “Plus, now that I’ve graduated, it’s kind of a new stage of my life? And I want to make sure that we never get a chance to grow apart, not from something silly like distance. I’ll be working full time now, and you’ll still have classes, but this way we’ll still see each other every day.”

“You’re a sap,” Tsukishima tells him.

“I know,” Kuroo replies happily. “But I’m your sap.”

 

***

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

***

 

Today is the day.

Kuroo is finally going to propose to Tsukishima.

He bought the ring almost a month ago, right after Tsukishima graduated, and it’s been burning a hole in his pocket ever since. He wants the day to be special: he had planned to pop the question last weekend, but then it had rained and they had to cancel their hiking trip, and he decided to wait.

But he’s tired of waiting.

They go to the arcade together and goof around like teenagers, even though they’re both solidly in their twenties by now.

After the arcade, they go out for sushi, because Tsukishima had a craving for it, and Kuroo had promised that if he did well on his midterms he’d take him out for sushi.

They lose track of how many plates they take off the conveyor belt, stuffing themselves full, laughing and talking and simply enjoying their time together.

Kuroo’s heart swells.

Definitely tonight.

He’s going to do it for sure tonight.

They opt to walk home – in part to soothe their aching bellies, in part because it’s simply nice outside. It’s early May, but the air is crisp and fresh. They take the long route home, meandering through a park.

Tsukishima asks to sit on a bench for a moment, so they stop at the next one, and Kuroo puts his arm around Tsukishima.

He loves this man, he has no doubts, and he’s going to propose.

“Hey Kei,” Kuroo starts.

“Tetsurou, I—” Tsukishima begins at the same time.

They laugh.

“Go ahead,” Kuroo urges.

Tsukishima sits up a little straighter, turning to face Kuroo more directly.

“Tetsurou, a few years ago, when you asked me to move in with you after you graduated, you said that it was a new stage in your life, and you didn’t want us to grow apart. Now, it’s my turn. I’m graduated, I’m starting my first full time job soon, and it’s a new stage of my life.

And Tetsurou, I can’t imagine any stage of my life to come without you. So, Kuroo Tetsurou, will you marry me?”

And Tsukishima pulls out a ring.

Kuroo is dumbstruck.

Instead of answering, though, he simply scrambles for the ring in his own pocket.

“Tsukishima Kei, my love, you have utterly changed my life. I’ve learned so much from you since the day we met, but especially over these last years together. I want to learn something new from you every day, for the rest of my life.

Tsukishima Kei, will _you_ marry _me?_ ”

And Kuroo presents his ring to Tsukishima.

“I love you,” Tsukishima says simply, and leans in to kiss Kuroo soundly on the mouth.

“Wait, so is that a yes?” Kuroo grins when the pull apart.

“I asked first,” Tsukishima shoots back.

“It’s a yes from me,” Kuroo says, letting Tsukishima slip the ring onto his finger.

“And a yes from me,” Tsukishima says, letting Kuroo put the ring on him, too.

“I love you,” Kuroo says, kissing Tsukishima once more.

“Forever,” Tsukishima grins.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It! Is! Done!!!  
> Thanks again to everyone who's read this, commented, left kudos, all that jazz. It means a lot, especially for a work that got so long and took so much effort!

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr and ko-fi as ricekrispyjoints, if you're into that kind of thing


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